I'm back with a Family Friday

Still coughing (mostly at night), but feeling so much better than last week. Poor Peanut is also still coughing at night. It clearly wasn't a very nice bug to have. Thank goodness we could just rest up this week. Last weekend we went camping with the family-in-laws. It probably wasn't the best of ideas while ill, but it turned out to be such a lovely weekend, and we still rested alot.

So the Family Friday post today is about good news we've recieved. The pediatrician sent us an sms: Monkeyman has created antibodies against his repeat vaccinations of a month ago, so he does not have an immune disorder.

Yay!!! Yay!!! Yay!!!

What a relief! I can't rell you the stress the thought of him not being able to fight off illnesses did to me. Especially when he got ill twice now in the past 2 months. I can only imagine how parents must feel whose children lives under such a sword all the time.

But. Yes, there's always a but, isn't there? Both me and hubby's very first reaction after the initial relief, was "What now?". Clearly, the pead went on a side track with this immune problem, and forgot that the initial reason we went to see her, was because of his tiredness. We wanted clearance on the blood tests too, yes. But what now? I'll phone her on Monday to see if she wants to drop the issue now or what. Some days, I feel like yes, let's just drop it (again) for another 3 years. We've exhausted our savings, our medical aid funds, our reserves and our nerves. How far should we push this? I'm just so scared that we're letting it go, and it turns out to be something that needed treatment to stop it from progressing. Like the pulmonary hypertension. I'm also very scared that it might (well, I'm sure in fact it will) influence his performance and enjoyment of "proper" primary school next year, when he goes to grade 1. The pressure on kids these days is absolutely immense. Will he cope if his body is not functioning optimally? But is looking for answers worth this stress on us as a family? On him as a little boy? On our finances?

I've had a long week of introspecting. There's things I need to sort out in my mind. Personal things, which I'll discuss on another day, maybe on Monday. If I have time. We're seeing the geneticist the afternoon, so it's going to be a long day. And school's starting again, after we've been on holiday this week. It's been so good. The kids have clearly rested well. They're more relaxed, less snappy to each other, Boeboe is more calm again, and they've all mostly recovered from their coughs and runny noses.

Anyway, if you've come to this blog to see why I'm so quiet in the "virtual world/communities" that I usually frequent - well, I'm fine. I haven't jumped off the nearest bridge, landed up in hospital with pneumonia or moved countries. I'm still here, still around. If you care because we've become friends over the years, thank you, and please don't worry about me. Like I said, I'm fine. Like always.

I just need to distance myself a bit from things that causes me more stress, pain, heartache, sadness, upset, etc. For different reasons. I feel like I've had my fill. I can barely keep standing upright under the stress I'm going through. Trying to fend off other people's opinions, comments or (un)intentional hurtful words - it's too much for me currently. I don't need it, I don't want it. When the gain you get out of something becomes less than the negatives, it's best to step away. At least for a while. I don't know how long this "while" will be for me. Maybe a day, a week, a month. I don't know.

I cannot change who I am. I cannot change what my family is going through. I cannot change our history. The fact that we have many, many issues, isn't lies or a ploy to get sympathy or be a know-it-all or "I have it worse than you" taunt. It just is what it is. It's facts. For some reason that only God knows, my road hasn't been the easiest. It has made me experience a number of things, and I've become knowledgable about it. Not because I wanted to, but because I've lived through it, I've come out on the other side. I can't strip myself of those experiences or knowledge. I can't cut it out of my memory. To fit into the mould of others that hasn't had so many things happened to them. I cannot ignore my experiences to make others feel more comfortable about what I've went through. Life do happen to some people. It doesn't make me a liar or a hypochondriac because I've been hit harder than the average human being. Most of what happened, I haven't actively searched out or wanted or looked for the diagnosis. It came without me asking for it. Maybe I should give a short history of our family's diagnoses and how each came about one day. Maybe on another Medical Monday.

So if you were wondering where I am. I'm still here. I decided not to put up a "I'm going to dissapear for a while" notice, because I don't need or want the attention that would bring. I don't need to defend or explain. But I do appreciate the fact that you cared enough (or maybe was just curious enough) to see where I am. Because of the number of hits on my blog, I'm assuming that this is what happened, and I dislike making other people worry. That's why I decided to explain a bit on here. I hope this rambling makes sense, and if I've inadvertantly hurt you by dissapearing out of your life abruptly, then I'm sorry. It wasn't my intention, and it's not that I don't care. All of you are regularly in my thoughts, and I wish I could go on being part of your lives. But I need to think about myself for a bit, and do what I need. When people dissapeared out of my life over the years, I used to think they didn't care about me. And that hurt. I would hate to cause that hurt to others, so please forgive me and understand that it really wasn't an easy decision, it's something that has come on for a long time, because of numerous reasons. And like the saying goes - it's not you, it's me.

So, to just end on a nicer note for Family Friday, here's a few pics. I've decided to use a bigger format. Hope it's not too big. Let's see.



My beautiful babies. Can't believe how big Monkeyman looks
in this picture! All boy now.

 

My eldest, already a teenager. Where did time go? And just
look at the beautiful surroundings. This is at the resort where
we camped's swimming pool and children's play area.



And no more a baby. Look how tall she looks here. Not that
she really is. She's actually something like the 10th percentile
for height and weight.



Look at how beautiful. We camped right on the edge of the
river. A bit scary with a toddler, but we just made sure that
there were always someone looking out for her. And her
inner sense of what's dangerous kept her away from the
water.



At nightfall. Exquisite.



Isn't she the cutest thing ever? Here playing cars with her
beloved Daddy. She's really such a daddy's girl. And yes,
I'm well aware of how her eyes look. I'll talk about that at
some point. Not today.



She's such a friendly easy-going little girl. And look, we have an eye tooth!
(Down in the right hand corner on this photo.)



Look at the hair. When it's dirty, wet or such, it curls. Else,
it lies straight except for the curls in the neck and around
the ears.



Our daring, no-sense-of-danger girl, LOL. She decided she
wanted a hammock. So she deviced her own. Of course
Daddy freaked, and after taking the photo, he took it
down. Hahaha. He made her promise not to do such a
thing again. Maybe we need to look for a safe, real
hammock!



We decided to bake scones. She had a BALL!



My two little helpers. Monkeyman is always first in line,
helping me in the kitchen. With Boeboe close on his heels.
This time, they enjoyed baking the scones and playing with
the dough and flour.



A very old booster car seat (got it from family), which we've never used, and
wanted to throw out now. She's such a happy little girl.
Entertaining herself with whatever is around.