We got the flu. All of us! Within a few days, we were all man down. First time ever that all 6 of us were ill together. And we had a bad case of it. We're still recovering. Poor Monkeyman got it the longest and the worst. He started to feel better, and then took a turn for the worst, so I took him to the dr. His sinusses are infected, so he's on antibiotics now. Like always, this illness took its toll on him. It's not just that he got complications while the rest of us didn't. It's the way he would just lied down again. On the couch. Literally for 12 hours, he would just lie. If there's something on tv, he would watch. If not, he would play on his tablet. If the battery is flat, he would just stare off into space, unseeingly. Sometimes, though very rarely, he would fall asleep for a few minutes. Mostly, that only happened at the worst times when he had a fever. He really just lied down on the couch and stayed there.
It rearfirmed our conviction that something is wrong in his little body. My husband said yesterday that Monkeyman just doesn't "act" or recover from an illness like the rest of us. He's... "different". My husband wanted to comfort Boeboe why Monkeyman ignored her pleas to come and play with her for days on end. He also ignored Peanut's inept, but very cute tries to involve him in play. Even something relaxing like sitting on the carpet, drawing or playing marbles.
He's getting better though, so that's all that's important. The older two are back to school, but the dr asked us to keep Monkeyman home this week as well, and on Friday school closes for the holidays. So he would in effect be at home for 5 weeks in the end. I feel sad for him, he missed out on a few nice activities at school scheduled for end of term, and he misses his friends. He says "he likes school", so he doesn't like having to stay away for so long. But, he's fortunately happy at home. He's always been happy at home. :-) That helps.
So exams are done. It was excrutiatingly. I don't really want to go into it too much now. Suffice to say, the kids didn't do too well in some areas, and in others they've surprised us. Especially Boeboe and her maths. Despite having the flu, not having studied much and then writing, she did exceptionally well. So that's great. Anyway, things at school are a bit... difficult. For both. And I'm upset at some things. But now's not the time to go into it. So let's just leave it there. Holidays are looming, with some luck and lots of prayers the kids may just pass, and we're all recovering from the flu which is always something to be grateful for. Too many people aren't that lucky. So sad.
I had a very strange month, actually. I did something very stupid, and it cost me personally. I learned from it though. I learned that some friends are really the salt of the earth. And they'll stand by their principles no matter at what personal cost. I learned some friends are like sand in your hand. They'll slip through your fingers doesn't matter how desperately you try to cling on. I realised that sometimes, those that knows you best, really indeed, does know you best. And I realised that nobody really, truly have your child's best interest at heart except those that loves him. Really loves him, like only family and close friends do.
You know what has been on my mind for 12 months? What if...
What if I took Monkeyman's tiredness more serious at age 3, as I should've? I wrote in a post on here, around this time in 2010, that I should take him back to the dr. But I didn't. What if I did?
Would it have prevented the pulmonary hypertension? Would it have prevented the thinning of the ventricle wall? Would it have prevented the damage to the lungs? The aspiration? If we found out that his reflux is so bad? Would it have prevented the enlargement of the heart if I went back to the dr? The enlargement of the liver? Could everything have turned out different? Better? Worse?
What if I left it all now, here, as well. Stop this madness. This searching for answers. What questions would I ask in another 3 years time, when he's 9? Would I look back with sadness, despair? Or with relief and happiness? Can I face that risk? If we didn't find the aspiration of the lungs, would it have done permanent damage? If we left it all, a month ago, like I really, really considered very hard. Would it have caused my son permanent damage? Would I have felt guilty? Yes, oh yes. So is anything anyone said worth that damage to my son? No. My son's health is more important than anyone. Whatever other people think. I'm so grateful to my sister, making me see this as clear as day.
So where do we stand with Monkeyman? Well, the sleepstudy was supposed to be today. But my husband cancelled it because of Monkeyman's incessant coughing. They had no problem postponing it with a week, so it's scheduled for end of the month now. Fortunately it'll be holidays, which makes it even better for everyone concerned. Pity that we'll need to wait another week for the results though. I'm... curious. For lack of a better word. On the one hand, I'm so hoping and praying they'll pick something up, because isn't sleep apnea better than a mitochondrial illness?? On the other hand, if they pick something up, it would probably mean he would need to sleep with a mask and a CPAP machine rest of his life. It's not something I even want to consider at this moment. The logistics is difficult. And it breaks my husband's heart, he intimately knows the pros and cons that that would mean. So yes, I'm... curious, at the results.
And I'm soooo looking forward to the holidays. I'm gonna play with the kids. Loads of playing. We have developed this little "system" where they write inside and outside games on little scraps of paper, and 2-3x a day, we choose from this and we play the game picked out of the hat. Boardgames, cardgames, running games outside, ball games, marbles, balloons, etc. I'm also looking forward spoiling them. Baking little cookies and other treats they like, making their favourite dinners, watching movies with them while eating popcorn and having little conversations with each one. Touching base again.
I'm also looking forward to sleeping late, snuggling under the blankets with Peanut (it's mid-winter in our country), reading a few books, and finishing my game. Oh, I'm guilty, it wasn't just the flu and exams that made me neglect this blog for 3 weeks. I turned 40 in May, and just in time, they released the 6th installment of a PC game I have loved since I played the very first one when I was 16. Something prevented them from completing the series about 16 years ago. Long story short, they were only recently able to finish the game. It was fitting thus, to get this for my birthday, since I got alot of the others for various birthdays throughout the years as well. There's absolutely nothing I would've wanted more, than this 6th game in the series. I've been playing it leisurely. Drinking in every moment, every nuance, every little bit of it. And I'll continue to do so during this holiday. Probably re-playing the game many times to come. With different possible endings, it's something to look forward to. Oh, for those interested, the game I'm talking about is Tex Murphy: the Tesla Effect.
