I can't believe it's December already. The children are on summer holiday!!! We're having a blast at home. Though, poor Mr N had a strep-throat last week that really caught him badly. Even had the rash! Very similar to the scarlet fever he had the year before, except no strawberry tongue this time. Fortunately, nobody contracted it from him. Unfortunately, he was too ill to attend his school's merits evening. He was invited, but we still don't know for what exactly.
We received Boeboe's books back for the term, and wow, we were impressed! She did so very very well. Her understanding is definitely much better. I'm so pleased for her. And I'm hoping for a MUCH less hectic year with her next year. She'll be going to grade 3, which I found the easiest of the grades 1-3 with Mr N. The work is less intense, mostly hammering in of certain concepts. So not so much overwhelmingly new work. And they're old enough to start doing nearly all homework by themselves. Except of course, still reading to mom every day. :) She's taken to reading so much! She reads in bed every night. Not for long, but she loves it and it makes me soooooo happy. She says she wants to become clever. Her teacher told her reading makes you clever, LOL.
She's still throwing tantrums, still having accidents, still hurting her feet. But she's doing so well in other ways, that I'd rather concentrate on that now. Yesterday, she did 2 things that her brother forgot. Both were told the same 2 things to remember, and only she did. I was very surprised, stunned and happy about that! Happy that my responsible boy can have fun and be irresponsible for a change, and extremely happy that my careless, "loskop" daughter can be responsible for a change, and REMEMBER. Using her memory! It was a great feeling. I rewarded her with a much wanted packet of sweets, LOL. Oh, for those non-Afrikaans people..."loskop" means to be loose in your head. So you're not thinking. You're careless. You're all over the place. Hope this makes sense?
It's also going well with Monkeyman. He's getting quite a personality these past few weeks. When he's upset or angry, he needs to remove himself, hide and take time to recover. It's so sweet and cute. First child of mine that does/need that. Totally opposite of Boeboe! Who will keep on screaming, tantrumming, until her anger/frustration/hurt was dealt with by me...sympathising, disciplining, etc. Monkeyman just needs a minute to be by himself, then he'll be all happy and loving and smiling again. Amazing.
Anyway, I didn't just want to give an update today. I've been mulling something over in my head. Wondering at people's reactions. Those that know me, knows that I'm very passionate about a few things. One of them is the schooling situation in our country. I can't speak for all cultures, all cities, all people in SA. So I'm just going to speak from my point of view...which is middle class, professional people. Most women like me, about 70% I'd guess, works. Either out of choice, or necessity. Most people choose the lifestyle that goes with getting 2 salaries. I don't blame them. I would most likely have done the same, if I wasn't in the fortunate position where we could (almost) reach that lifestyle with only one salary. But, I had the option, so I chose to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM). So my experiences and viewpoints are from this experience, of course.
I have an issue with creches for small babies. Lots of issues with it. I won't go into it now, because it'll take too long. But I understand that when you work (want to or are forced to), that you'll have to look at the positives to be able to drop your 4-month old baby in a teacher's arms 5 days a week, for about 8-9 hours. Some of my friends even have to leave their babies for up to 11 hours, if traffic is bad, etc.
What I do want to talk about, is the way some mothers not only turn this into a positive...but a necessity!!! This really shock me. I try to be sympathetic, or stay out of it by not replying in conversations, but it bugs me. It really, really bugs me. So the past few months, I've had a couple of "run-ins" with other mothers who told me their opinion. Every time I've decided to not reply, because I know myself. I feel too passionate about it, and it WILL come out wrong. A very good SAHM friend of mine once told me that we (SAHM's) will never understand working moms, because of the choice we've made. We didn't make the choice because we just felt like it. We made the choice because of WHO we ARE. It's ingrained in us. It's part of us. That means we have a totally different outlook in life. Not because we're a SAHM. But...we're a SAHM because of that outlook. It's a fundamental difference between the two groups. And that's why we don't understand working mommies (I'm generalising here, of course). And why they don't understand us. And that's why working mommies tend to be friends with working mommies, and SAHM's tend to be friends with other SAHM's. Of course, this doesn't mean I don't have working mommy friends. I'm again, just generalising for the sake of the argument.
Anyway, what happened was that I was having a really hard time with Monkeyman's shyness the past 6 months. Sometimes I wonder if it started by me "abandoning" him with Boeboe's operation in April, or if it's just an age thing or what. But at some point, I realised he's really the worst of my 3 (shy) kids. It's really painful to him. Let me explain.
When we go to a children's party, visiting friends, go to his playschool, etc. Any place where there's other CHILDREN (he has NO problem with adults!!) he will climb on my lap. He'll refuse to speak, and if any child (except his siblings) would just so much as look at him, he'll hide his face under my arm, head turned away into me. He'll even close his eyes. If the child will try to speak to him, he won't even just hide, he'll literally starts crying, or being upset. Even at school if the children starts to sing a song together, he'll be terrified.
Now, you may think this is extreme and abnormal. But to me, it's not. It's me. That's how I was. That's how I am. So I don't mind it much. Not at all. I know that he CAN and WILL grow out of most of it, and start to socialise when he's ready. I know this, because I know HIM. The way he acts around his siblings, is so totally normal. He'll be exuberant, playful, running around, not needing me at all. And when he's in safe surroundings, like his house, and only ONE child visits, he'll be fine! If there's 2, he'll be a little timid, but after a while, starts to play with them. If we visit one child, he'll take a few minutes and then starts to play. When we visit a house with more than 1 child, it'll take him a bit longer. You see the pattern? If there's allot of children, even those he knows well, like friends' kids, he'll take about an hour to start playing.
So what's my point? The fact that a number of friends and family (all working mommies) has made me understood that in their opinion, I'm the problem. Not Monkeyman. It's because of ME that he's like that. They say, if I would just FORCE him to go to school, he'll learn to socialise and enjoy it. He's hanging onto me, accordingly to them, because I'm the one that can't let go.
I think the emotion I feel the most clearly after these accusations, is sadness. Sadness for their callousness. Sadness for what I guess they did to their children. Sadness for the way they see the world. Sadness for their children that is forced into situations they can't handle. Sadness for how little they understand me, and the dynamics between me and my children. Sadness for how little they understand my child. Sadness for how little sympathy and empathy they have for my child.
I guess it's like being thrown into the deep water to teach someone to swim. Yes, it works for some children. Yes, it's one way of handling the "problem". But WHY do I NEED to do THAT? There's soooooo many other options! Why am I being blamed, for choosing the typical SAHM option, and not the Working mommy option? Why is it "normal" in our country, our society, for a child to be ripped away from their mothers when they're not ready? Why should a 4-month old be away from their mother? Why should a 2-year old be away from their mother? Why should a 4-year old be away from their mother? If they're not ready? What's so WRONG about being WITH your mother? Needing her? Wanting her? At what age should this separation happen? Clearly not at 4-months? So if people can do that to their 4-month old babies, why do they need to tell me I'm the wrong one in this equation, just because my child is 3? How can MY wrong, be so wrong, and THEIR choices just be what's right/acceptable/good? How and why did this happen to society? Where it's MORE right for a 4-month old to be away from their mother, than a 3-year old being close to their mother??!!
My opinion is that children DO grow up. They DO gain independence. I never hold my children BACK on purpose. But I also don't PUSH them into something they're clearly not ready to do. WHY? What will I gain? What will the kid gain? And at what cost? If the cost, the hurt, seems more to me than the bit of independence gained, why should I do it? Independence WILL come. If I force it or not. So why force it? I really don't see Monkeyman still sitting on my lap age 6 in grade R! Or hiding his face from a group of children. And I'll be ready for him to go as well. Just like with the other two. I was about the only mom with both Mr N and Boeboe that wasn't crying when I dropped them off for their first day of school. Why did I need to cry? It was a happy day! They were starting this whole, brand new experience for which they were so ready, so looking forward to it. They had no need to cling to me. They didn't cry. They smiled and waved goodbye. Because they were secure and independent.
In my opinion, from my experience, children starts to gain independence and develop in huge leaps and bounds around age 4-5. I'm sure Monkeyman too will get this boost. So he WILL be fine in a year's time. So why force him to stay at school, crying for his mother, while I drive away? The kids I've seen who that has been done with, is no more independent than my eldest two. In fact, both Mr N and Boeboe is, as I mentioned, quite independent and doing very well for their age. The grade R teacher even commented to me once that Mr N had the easiest adjustment to school she's ever seen. And that for a child who's never been to school until he was about 4 years old, and then only went to school once a week. Age 5 he went twice a week and everyone warned me that I should get him "into routine" of going 5 times a week. And I couldn't understand WHY. He'll get into routing WHEN he's going 5 days a week. If it's in playschool at age 5, or in Grade R at age 6, what difference would it make? Both me and him were loving it having him home 3 days a week (later on 2 days) at age 4 and 5. He loved going to school, but he also loved staying at home. It was always a relaxing decision. I've never ever had to force one of my kids to go to school when they didn't want to, until they started grade R (and even since then it's almost never a problem. They've never even faked illness to get out of school!).
They've never cried for me, while I drove away. And I sincerely believe I'm reaping the rewards with my 2 eldest. Both being confident, adjusting easily to new situations and new teachers. Even this year, with grade 4 being SO much different than grade 3, Mr N was like a fish in water. Not even registering the changes as big. He just adapted and continued. So no, neither of the eldest two are still attached to my pants. They can easily go play all day at a friends house, or have a sleepover, without missing mom much. They love being at home, and being with their parents, just like I did when I was a child.
So if it turned out so well for them, why should I change it with Monkeyman, just because his shyness is worse than theirs was? You get my point, I guess. As you can see, I'm passionate about this. And it upsets me that working moms expect SAHM's to follow their examples. I honestly do not think what working moms are doing, is always the best for every child. So why do I need to follow their example? I let the child and his personality lead me. Not the ideas of society that has turned sending 4-month old babies off to creches into a "normal", "right", "acceptable" and even "a good thing"! I can almost understand someone who's child is in creche from an early age, to think a child NOT in creche at age 3 or 4, is "wrong", "deprived", etc. But I don't go around and blame them and tell them their child was deprived at age 4 months, or 8 months, or 15 months because they were in a creche. So why do some of them feel the need to blame me?
Some people even gave me the arguments about how much their children has learned in school, and of course thereby implying that Monkeyman ISN'T learning anything. Gosh, how silly hey? Firstly, ALL children learn with time. Monkeyman was able to recognise ALL colours before age 2, without me ever sitting down to teach him. If he was in creche, I would've exclaimed how wonderful the creche is, because they're teaching him his colours so early! Wow. (*sarcasm*).
Monkeyman has been able to count to 30 for months and months now. I didn't teach him this. But neither Boeboe nor Mr N could do this even a YEAR after they've started school (playschool age 4)!! It's just how their little brains are wired. Monkeyman can sing songs. Neither Boeboe nor Mr N could do it even after 2 years in playschool, AND 1 year in grade R. Both could only sing their first song (remembering all the words) when they were 7! I firmly believe that children learn when their brains are ready to make those connections. You can force it all you want, if they're not ready, they won't learn it. If they're ready, you (or a teacher) may be able to teach it to them before they learn it by themselves. Thinking how wonderful the creche and teacher are, LOL. But, in my opinion, the child would've learned it in any case at some point. By age 7, most kids are almost equal in what they can and cannot do. Some are better at some things, obviously. Which I believe is mostly due to genetics and talent. You're good at maths, or ball sports, or dancing, etc. That kind of thing. As long as you provide a generally stimulating environment, with no pressure, enough sleep and rest, lots of love, and good food, I believe most children will achieve what they've achieved by age 5, if they were in school or not. They may not know that specific song the teacher has taught, of course not. I'm talking about general development of the brain and body. It would make no difference if a child has learned Silent Night at age 3, age 7 or age 15. In my opinion. So the specific detail is irrelevant. The methods of using the brain to remember the song, count, clap hands, use scissors, colour in, add and subtract, etc. Those methods are what's important. And the brain connections needed to accomplish that methods....they're there at age 5. Schooling or no schooling.
Monkeyman can count objects already. He can add 2 different number of objects to each other. He can smile and laugh with extreme happiness (daily). He can dance and sing. He can throw and catch a ball. He can cut papers. He can draw a little man. He can phone someones number. He can have a conversation with you that leaves you amazed at his perception of the world. He can play games on the i-Pad that wasn't designed with children in mind (not because of violence, etc. but because of its difficulty level). He can figure out new games before his dad had a chance to explain it to him. He even plays backgammon with me! He taught himself to read certain words, like yes, no, etc. (in English!) and some in Afrikaans. We never speak to him or read to him in English. He figured it out from playing i-Pad and watching English cartoons. He can tumble with his brother like he has no fear in the world of getting hurt. He can run around with Boeboe until he's all red in the face and laughing hysterically. He can play with his friend for hours without ever fighting, not even over a toy. He even plays with his siblings' friends, talking to them like equals. Not seeing the years of difference. Not even realising he's so much shorter! He can hold a baby with so much gentleness it plucks at your heartstrings. He can count backwards. He can count in 2 languages. He can play battleship against me or a computer opponent. And win! He can play mahjong! He can look at you like he's 70 and has all the knowledge in the world. He's one amazing little boy, and I do not see anything wrong with him, for not going to school. So he's scared when there's 20 children together. So what? Why force him to face them, when he's not ready? He can face his fears when there's 1, 3 or 5 children. Isn't that good enough at age 3, given everything else he's good at? So he's socially behind some of his peers. That doesn't mean he will be socially behind his peers at age 5, if I don't force him into school! Why on earth would people think that?!
Anyway, rant over. Fortunately, Monkeyman is MY child, my responsibility, and me and his dad feels the same. So I'll try to ignore the working moms telling me that he NEEDS to go to school, and that I have to FORCE him to stay (by leaving him behind crying). Thank God that I do not HAVE to do that. That I do not HAVE to accept that as the only (and thus the best) choice for my child. That I do have other options. And Thank God that I have the strength to follow my instincts, rather than the pressure of society.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Thursday, November 24, 2011
My country, South Africa
Firstly, I want to say something about the comments on Blogger. I'm not ignoring anyone. It's just that I am unable to reply to comments for some time now. There's apparently a work-around this bug of Blogger, but I have to go research it first. So in the meantime, thank you for all comments, and sorry for not replying. John, particularly thanx to you for the invitation on my previous post, and the link. I'm definitely going to look into that!
Today, it's not all about the kids. Today, this post is about me. Or rather, about my country. About South Africa. There's actually so much to say, that I think I'll split it over a few posts. So this one would just be an "overview", and then I'll go into detail into each of the points I make. Please remember that this is strictly only my opinion. I do not have any political analysing experience. I base most of my opinions on the intensive research I have done over a 6-month period, the experience I gained from living in this country for almost 40 years, and my own deduction powers. I have read many books, many blogs, many sites and many articles. I have looked at oposing positions. Liberals, right-winged, neutrals, from all races and interest groups. I've watched a few programs, and a number of Youtube video's. I feel comfortable that I have a fair understanding of what's going on now. Something I did not have 6 months ago. Because I was never, ever interested in politics. And up until 6 months ago, I preferred hiding my head in the sand because it was all too upsetting to deal with. To face reality.
I never wanted to know who and what each political party is about. It didn't interest me at all. I found it boring, deceitful, and had no desire to try and understand politicians' emotions or motivations. I voted, of course yes, because I was taught that that's the right thing to do. But I never really went into politics more than a basic, shallow understanding. Well, something caused me to look into some of the things happening in our country a while ago. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was researching not only current happenings, but history as well. I now have a very good understanding of the real history of all the different groups in our country. From different perspectives. I also have a much better understanding of our political past and current happenings. I understand where our government is coming from, and where they're heading. I also now understand how the world sees us much better. This last point shocked me. I know it's impossible for all people to learn the true history of every country on this planet. It's way too much. So I understand that most people would put an opinion of a country together from a few snippets he read in the mainstream news. I just never realised how absolutely wrong the world's opinion is of the white people in South Africa. Our history, what shaped us, our reasoning, and our current situation. There's very, very little truth out there. :( It really saddens me, because I have made friends all over this world in different countries, and to realise what they're probably thinking of us, of me, is shocking and hurts.
But that's also a whole other discussion. I'll get to that as well, at one stage. I decided to chronicle all of my thoughts, in different posts, as it will do a number of positive things. One is, to get the word out there. Second, to preserve it as history for my children. Third is, to organise my thoughts and feelings to make sense of it all. Fourth is, to create an understanding amongst people.
So back to our country and some issues as I perceive them personally (not in the whole, just what it means to me as an individual). I'm going to list the points that worries me with a small description, and then tackle each point in a separate post in the next few months. Because there's so much to say about it all.
1. During September 2011, the white people of South Africa (less than 5 million of the total population of 50 million people) has been placed on level 6 (out of 8) on Genocidewatch's website. It is run by dr Gregory Stanton from the USA. Level 6 is called Preparation, and level 7 is when there's a full-blown genocide like what happened in Rwanda. Level 8 is the aftermath when the perpetrators are hiding the mass atrocities. There's so much more to say about this...but just imagine living in a country where they say that black, marxist youths are preparing to slaughter every white person in your country. And you're part of that minority. What would you do?
I'll leave this point with the following. This was posted a few days ago by a black SAPS (police service) investigator on his facebook page. I've decided to omit his name, I'm sure you'll understand. I'm not here to stir. I'm here to works things out for myself. I try to tell myself it's just an individual. But this person seems to be well educated (studied in Texas, USA), he's in a position of power and service towards all South African citizens (or supposed to be), and given the fact that we're on level 6 on GenocideWatch....it's difficult to ignore:
"Fuck this white racist shirt! We must introduce Black apartheid. Whites have no ROOM in our heart and mind. Viva MALEMA."
Four mintues later: "When The Black Messiah (NM) dies, we'll teach whites some lesson. We'll commit a genocite on them. I hate whites."
2. Onto my second concern. Crime in our country has taken on immensely wrong proportions. I'll discuss where it comes from and why it scares me in another post. Suffice to say that me and my daughter has a 30% chance of being raped during our lifetime. We live behind the best security we can afford. We are naturally trained already to always look over our shoulder and around us when approaching our car, our house, stopping at a red robot, slowing down at a "high hi-jacking danger spot", etc. The crime alone is not only what's chasing us away. It's the nature of the crime. People are tortured, maimed, mutilated and dehumanised in the most awful ways possible. I would not even have been able to wrote such horrible deeds into a script for an episode in CSI, but it's happening every week in our country. A decade ago, it was mostly men that were targeted. The past few years though, women and children has been treated almost worse than the men. This has made me realise it's not only me or my husband that's targets anymore, but my beautiful, innocent children as well.
3. Revolution. I think this point scares me the most as it's probably the most realistic scenario. I've read many people's opinions, and if there's one thing all seem to agree on, is that a revolution is most likely inevitable in South Africa. The political analysts seems to pinpoint this date as anything between 2013 and 2020. One person suggested on his blog that it will be next year (2012), but I'm choosing to ignore this. I can't deal with that scenario just yet. But I do acknowledge that it seems inevitable, and that we can do one of 3 things. Ignore the fact that it's coming, while hoping and believing that like always, the good in South Africa's people will pull the wagon through the ditch. You can thus choose to hide your head in the sand, because you're not interested in politics, or because the realities is too much to handle, or because you cannot face such negativities in your life. Or secondly you can decide that it won't "touch" you much. That you and your family are and will be safe. Some revolutions happens quickly, and only few people die. Mostly rebels and defence forces. You can hide out in your house and believe you'll be safe. You can even prepare as best as you can for such a happening. Maybe have an escape plan, or a hide-out with stocked supplies. Or, thirdly, you can take your family and run as far and as fast as you can.
4. Like I mentioned. I was never interested in politics. I knew our country fought the border war because of encroaching communist factions. Thus helping to bring the cold war to an end during the late 1980's. What I did not realise, was that even with the fall of communism, our current government did not fully renounce their communism goals. I never realised that our current government was not interested in a Western 1st world state when they took over power in 1994 from the apartheid government. They want a socialist state. Only when they started admitting this publicly, did I realise their intentions. Only when they started to openly talk about going back to the NDR (National Democratic Revolution) in 2007, did I understand that to them, democracy like we know and understand it in the Western way, is not first price. They want to achieve their NDR goals, where South Africa would end up as a socialist state. To achieve this socialism, things has to drastically change in our country. The changes would involve processes that, in my opinion, would crash our country's economy. I don't even want to think what that would do to our savings, our pensionfund, the value of our property.
5. My last, but not least point for now. When our current government took control of the country, one of the things they had to rectify, was the inequality between black and white job opportunities. I wholeheartedly agreed with this. What I don't agree with, is the way it was done. It has been 17 years, and instead of less unemployment, better education, better health, etc. everything is just going down the drain. Unemployment has reached unprecedented proportions. The health sector is in total disarray, and the plans to try and rectify this, will cause even greater chaos. Education has been a big failure the past 10 years, and our children are suffering because of it. Municipalities are on the brink of bankruptcy, service delivery is almost non-existing in some towns and an ever-increasing burden is placed on the shoulders of the 6 million taxpayers, to feed and take care of the population of 50 million. We're turning into a total welfare state. Because of these failures of the government, we're told that "transformation" isn't taking place fast enough. So not only do the powers that be intend to implement Affirmative Action indefinitely (in their own words), they also created BEE (Black economic empowerment). The result is an even more skewed economic society with a huge discrepancy between rich and poor. Affirmative action (reservations of most jobs for people from black ethnic groups) has had two results on a big part of the white population. Some people, unable to find employment in South Africa, had to emigrate. While others lost their jobs, especially those that previously worked in state departments. Quite a number of those people have been unable to find new employment due to Affirmative Action, and did not have the funds or means to emigrate. Currently, guesstimates say that of the 5 million white people that used to live in South Africa, about 1 million has emigrated during the past 20 years, and about 800 000 is living in squatter camps. Due to government policy (reserving it for black people), most of these 800 000 white people do not get food stamps, state subsidised welfare, state pensions or any support at all from the government. Some are even shown the door when they turn up at state hospitals in need of help. Even some churches acknowledge that even though their congregations are mostly white, that their policies are to help the black impoverished people, and not the white impoverished. Because that's the way it's always been done. To put this into percentages, Affirmative Action and other reasons like crime, has caused 20% of the white population to leave the country, and put 16% in squatter camps, living below the breadline. Crime has wiped out another guesstimate of 30 000-50 000 white people living in towns and cities, and about 4000 of the farmers. If this trend continues...what hope does my children have, in this country? There's even policies to restrict white kids from studying certain degrees in University. For example, most of the white matriculants that apply to study for medicine, gets turned down. A black student getting 60% in matric will be put first in the queue, before a white student getting 90%. So I can't help but wonder...will my children be able to study what they want to? Would they get temporary jobs, like I did, to be able to afford studying? Most bursaries are reserved for black students. Would my children get a job in this country, once they've completed their studies? Or will they need to emigrate to find a job? Should we rather emigrate now, to a country where they'll be assured of a tertiary education and a job, or should we stay in South Africa and most likely have to wave our kids goodbye 10-15 years down the line when they emigrate?
As you can see, our current situation in my beloved country, South Africa, is deplorable, to say the least. It scares me and it makes me wonder if, and what, we should do. What can we do. As I mentioned, I'll dig into all of this deeper over the next few months.
Today, it's not all about the kids. Today, this post is about me. Or rather, about my country. About South Africa. There's actually so much to say, that I think I'll split it over a few posts. So this one would just be an "overview", and then I'll go into detail into each of the points I make. Please remember that this is strictly only my opinion. I do not have any political analysing experience. I base most of my opinions on the intensive research I have done over a 6-month period, the experience I gained from living in this country for almost 40 years, and my own deduction powers. I have read many books, many blogs, many sites and many articles. I have looked at oposing positions. Liberals, right-winged, neutrals, from all races and interest groups. I've watched a few programs, and a number of Youtube video's. I feel comfortable that I have a fair understanding of what's going on now. Something I did not have 6 months ago. Because I was never, ever interested in politics. And up until 6 months ago, I preferred hiding my head in the sand because it was all too upsetting to deal with. To face reality.
I never wanted to know who and what each political party is about. It didn't interest me at all. I found it boring, deceitful, and had no desire to try and understand politicians' emotions or motivations. I voted, of course yes, because I was taught that that's the right thing to do. But I never really went into politics more than a basic, shallow understanding. Well, something caused me to look into some of the things happening in our country a while ago. One thing led to another, and before I knew it, I was researching not only current happenings, but history as well. I now have a very good understanding of the real history of all the different groups in our country. From different perspectives. I also have a much better understanding of our political past and current happenings. I understand where our government is coming from, and where they're heading. I also now understand how the world sees us much better. This last point shocked me. I know it's impossible for all people to learn the true history of every country on this planet. It's way too much. So I understand that most people would put an opinion of a country together from a few snippets he read in the mainstream news. I just never realised how absolutely wrong the world's opinion is of the white people in South Africa. Our history, what shaped us, our reasoning, and our current situation. There's very, very little truth out there. :( It really saddens me, because I have made friends all over this world in different countries, and to realise what they're probably thinking of us, of me, is shocking and hurts.
But that's also a whole other discussion. I'll get to that as well, at one stage. I decided to chronicle all of my thoughts, in different posts, as it will do a number of positive things. One is, to get the word out there. Second, to preserve it as history for my children. Third is, to organise my thoughts and feelings to make sense of it all. Fourth is, to create an understanding amongst people.
So back to our country and some issues as I perceive them personally (not in the whole, just what it means to me as an individual). I'm going to list the points that worries me with a small description, and then tackle each point in a separate post in the next few months. Because there's so much to say about it all.
1. During September 2011, the white people of South Africa (less than 5 million of the total population of 50 million people) has been placed on level 6 (out of 8) on Genocidewatch's website. It is run by dr Gregory Stanton from the USA. Level 6 is called Preparation, and level 7 is when there's a full-blown genocide like what happened in Rwanda. Level 8 is the aftermath when the perpetrators are hiding the mass atrocities. There's so much more to say about this...but just imagine living in a country where they say that black, marxist youths are preparing to slaughter every white person in your country. And you're part of that minority. What would you do?
I'll leave this point with the following. This was posted a few days ago by a black SAPS (police service) investigator on his facebook page. I've decided to omit his name, I'm sure you'll understand. I'm not here to stir. I'm here to works things out for myself. I try to tell myself it's just an individual. But this person seems to be well educated (studied in Texas, USA), he's in a position of power and service towards all South African citizens (or supposed to be), and given the fact that we're on level 6 on GenocideWatch....it's difficult to ignore:
"Fuck this white racist shirt! We must introduce Black apartheid. Whites have no ROOM in our heart and mind. Viva MALEMA."
Four mintues later: "When The Black Messiah (NM) dies, we'll teach whites some lesson. We'll commit a genocite on them. I hate whites."
2. Onto my second concern. Crime in our country has taken on immensely wrong proportions. I'll discuss where it comes from and why it scares me in another post. Suffice to say that me and my daughter has a 30% chance of being raped during our lifetime. We live behind the best security we can afford. We are naturally trained already to always look over our shoulder and around us when approaching our car, our house, stopping at a red robot, slowing down at a "high hi-jacking danger spot", etc. The crime alone is not only what's chasing us away. It's the nature of the crime. People are tortured, maimed, mutilated and dehumanised in the most awful ways possible. I would not even have been able to wrote such horrible deeds into a script for an episode in CSI, but it's happening every week in our country. A decade ago, it was mostly men that were targeted. The past few years though, women and children has been treated almost worse than the men. This has made me realise it's not only me or my husband that's targets anymore, but my beautiful, innocent children as well.
3. Revolution. I think this point scares me the most as it's probably the most realistic scenario. I've read many people's opinions, and if there's one thing all seem to agree on, is that a revolution is most likely inevitable in South Africa. The political analysts seems to pinpoint this date as anything between 2013 and 2020. One person suggested on his blog that it will be next year (2012), but I'm choosing to ignore this. I can't deal with that scenario just yet. But I do acknowledge that it seems inevitable, and that we can do one of 3 things. Ignore the fact that it's coming, while hoping and believing that like always, the good in South Africa's people will pull the wagon through the ditch. You can thus choose to hide your head in the sand, because you're not interested in politics, or because the realities is too much to handle, or because you cannot face such negativities in your life. Or secondly you can decide that it won't "touch" you much. That you and your family are and will be safe. Some revolutions happens quickly, and only few people die. Mostly rebels and defence forces. You can hide out in your house and believe you'll be safe. You can even prepare as best as you can for such a happening. Maybe have an escape plan, or a hide-out with stocked supplies. Or, thirdly, you can take your family and run as far and as fast as you can.
4. Like I mentioned. I was never interested in politics. I knew our country fought the border war because of encroaching communist factions. Thus helping to bring the cold war to an end during the late 1980's. What I did not realise, was that even with the fall of communism, our current government did not fully renounce their communism goals. I never realised that our current government was not interested in a Western 1st world state when they took over power in 1994 from the apartheid government. They want a socialist state. Only when they started admitting this publicly, did I realise their intentions. Only when they started to openly talk about going back to the NDR (National Democratic Revolution) in 2007, did I understand that to them, democracy like we know and understand it in the Western way, is not first price. They want to achieve their NDR goals, where South Africa would end up as a socialist state. To achieve this socialism, things has to drastically change in our country. The changes would involve processes that, in my opinion, would crash our country's economy. I don't even want to think what that would do to our savings, our pensionfund, the value of our property.
5. My last, but not least point for now. When our current government took control of the country, one of the things they had to rectify, was the inequality between black and white job opportunities. I wholeheartedly agreed with this. What I don't agree with, is the way it was done. It has been 17 years, and instead of less unemployment, better education, better health, etc. everything is just going down the drain. Unemployment has reached unprecedented proportions. The health sector is in total disarray, and the plans to try and rectify this, will cause even greater chaos. Education has been a big failure the past 10 years, and our children are suffering because of it. Municipalities are on the brink of bankruptcy, service delivery is almost non-existing in some towns and an ever-increasing burden is placed on the shoulders of the 6 million taxpayers, to feed and take care of the population of 50 million. We're turning into a total welfare state. Because of these failures of the government, we're told that "transformation" isn't taking place fast enough. So not only do the powers that be intend to implement Affirmative Action indefinitely (in their own words), they also created BEE (Black economic empowerment). The result is an even more skewed economic society with a huge discrepancy between rich and poor. Affirmative action (reservations of most jobs for people from black ethnic groups) has had two results on a big part of the white population. Some people, unable to find employment in South Africa, had to emigrate. While others lost their jobs, especially those that previously worked in state departments. Quite a number of those people have been unable to find new employment due to Affirmative Action, and did not have the funds or means to emigrate. Currently, guesstimates say that of the 5 million white people that used to live in South Africa, about 1 million has emigrated during the past 20 years, and about 800 000 is living in squatter camps. Due to government policy (reserving it for black people), most of these 800 000 white people do not get food stamps, state subsidised welfare, state pensions or any support at all from the government. Some are even shown the door when they turn up at state hospitals in need of help. Even some churches acknowledge that even though their congregations are mostly white, that their policies are to help the black impoverished people, and not the white impoverished. Because that's the way it's always been done. To put this into percentages, Affirmative Action and other reasons like crime, has caused 20% of the white population to leave the country, and put 16% in squatter camps, living below the breadline. Crime has wiped out another guesstimate of 30 000-50 000 white people living in towns and cities, and about 4000 of the farmers. If this trend continues...what hope does my children have, in this country? There's even policies to restrict white kids from studying certain degrees in University. For example, most of the white matriculants that apply to study for medicine, gets turned down. A black student getting 60% in matric will be put first in the queue, before a white student getting 90%. So I can't help but wonder...will my children be able to study what they want to? Would they get temporary jobs, like I did, to be able to afford studying? Most bursaries are reserved for black students. Would my children get a job in this country, once they've completed their studies? Or will they need to emigrate to find a job? Should we rather emigrate now, to a country where they'll be assured of a tertiary education and a job, or should we stay in South Africa and most likely have to wave our kids goodbye 10-15 years down the line when they emigrate?
As you can see, our current situation in my beloved country, South Africa, is deplorable, to say the least. It scares me and it makes me wonder if, and what, we should do. What can we do. As I mentioned, I'll dig into all of this deeper over the next few months.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
Just living life :-)
I've started so many posts on here the past month or so, but never finished them. I have so much to say, but don't know what, when or how much to say. I'll get to that over the next few months, I'm sure. Sometimes I need time to work things out for myself first, before sharing any thoughts.
So for now, I'll just give a quick update on how it's going. In one word: Well. Let's start with Boeboe. A week ago, she laughed and laughed with her little brother about something, and it ended in an accident. I tried to remember when the last one was, and I couldn't. She doesn't always tell me these days, but mostly, it seems to be anything from 2-4 weeks! And almost always, it's when she either laughs, or plays, or doesn't run to the bathroom the moment she feels the urge. Unfortunately, she will still have small, sudden leaks. She's started to resort to wearing mini pantyliners for those days when it's bad. Seems like it's more comfortable now that she's physically growing bigger. She definitely went through a growth spurt just before the operation. No wonder her function went downhill so fast from January till March. With a tethered cord, when you have a growth spurt, it stretches the cord even more, causing more damage to nerves. Thus...loosing more function.
I'm having so much hope in me that in time, she will gain more and better control, and that she can maybe even become continent without any more medical help. For now, I'm just giving her time. If needed, I'll consider the botox again. But for now, I really don't think she needs it. She copes just fine with what she's dealing with at the moment.
With number two, it's going almost as well, but not quite. A friend told me about a magnesium product, and it works extremely well for Boeboe's constipation. Which keeps the accidents at bay. It's absolutely amazing and wonderful. She hates to drink it, but gosh, it works so so well. No cramping like the lactulose, no side effects. Awesome! Unfortunately, she still haven't regained full feeling back yet, and I don't think she ever will. So there's still weekly accidents. But the difference is that she HAS regained SOME feeling. So for today, I don't want to complain about what we still deal with. It's just so much better than in March.
The only complaint I have with Boeboe at the moment, is her legs. It's really worrying me, and I'm somewhat upset. I feel a bit lost and unsure what to do. She keeps on tripping. As she steps and swings her foot through, the toes drop and scrapes the ground. Then it kinda gets "stuck", which cause the top part of her foot to scrape. She lost so much skin in this fashion a few weeks ago, that it took about a month for the wound to heal. It was deep. And it bled and ache allot. Every few days. She had such a hard time, that she cried and pleaded with me to help her so that it never happens again. I told her about braces, but also mentioned all the negatives of that (hot, chafing, can't run, etc.) She was desperate enough to say she doesn't care, as long as she doesn't have to hurt any more. But now, about 2 weeks after the wound has healed (though the scar is still fresh), she's feeling less anxious and doesn't want the braces anymore, LOL. Typical child.
But it did bring it home to me, that she's suffering and finding it difficult. And that she expects me to help her, and I don't. I feel so guilty! And helpless. :-( What can or should I do?
She also complains alot these days about her legs aching. She also complains that her legs is "tottering". Not sure if that's the correct word? (Google translate provided it, LOL). In Afrikaans, we say that her legs "swik". It means it gives in underneath you. It doesn't bear your weight. It seems to be her knees?! Which is strange. It used to be her ankles, so I'm not sure what's going on. She even mentioned 2 weeks ago that she told her teacher that her legs are so sore, that she couldn't sit cross legged with her friends. Her teacher fortunately allowed her to sit in a way that was comfortable to her. This bothers me. My daughter is not the type to try and be "obvious". She's an introvert, and would rather hide, disappear, than stand out. So to speak up, means her legs really had to be achy. So what do I do about this? If it was a daily thing, of course I would've gone back to the drs, but it will happen for weeks every day, and then weeks will go by with relatively few incidents.
OK, so enough complaints about Boeboe. I'm really in a good mood today, and doesn't really want to complain! :-) Apart from all her legs/bladder/bowels issues, it's going very very well with her. She doesn't even need to see the psychologist anymore!! And I can SEE it. She's happier, more confident, more contend, more prepared to "live life" and do things that needs to be done. Like homework, etc. We still have daily tantrums, but we're able to nip it in the bud by sending her to time out, and now it's working. So happy with that. She's doing well in school, getting good marks and pleasing her teacher. She reads much better, and she's doing very well in her spell tests. Even better than her brother used to do! So our fears about her has been calmed down. So much. She has a whole group of friends to play with, though she still, to this day, misses her best friend sooooo much. This friend moved away during grade 1, and we only get to see them about 3 or 4 times a year. Still, she calls this friend her "best friend". Very sweet.
So on to the next one. Let's take Mr N. Ai, this boy of ours, he's such a pleasure. Such a good boy. I sometimes feel so guilty when I listen to other people's sons. Yes, our son will forget about homework, or rush it off, or not give me the letter his teacher handed out, or think playing the computer is more important than bathing, etc. He's quite normal, and all boy. But such a good, responsible, kind, wonderful boy to have! I think he'll make a wonderful husband one day. Although...he's lazy! Hahahaha. His poor wife is going to have all her days to get him to help her. Oops.
Anyway, at the moment, he's still just 10, so I have time to work on him. :-) For now, he's just so good. He does so well in his schoolwork. He's in the top 10 for his grade!! OK, he's 10th on the list, hahahaha. Out of over a 100 children. But what makes us proud, is that he's the only boy on the list!! So, technically he's about first out of 50 boys. ;-) So cool. He was sooooo chuffed with himself. It really brought it home to him WHY he studies so hard. He really gives it his all.
He also qualified to write the finals of the Maths Amesa competition, which is a national mathematical olympiad in our country. And he got silver for the final! They were only 4 grade 4's chosen in his school for the final. We were so proud of him. Apart from academics though, he's doing really well. He loved the cricket season, and was chosen for the first team for the last game of the season, which was awesome. He did extremely well with his class in the Eistedford competition for recorder practice, and really loved participating in this. I'm quite amazed, because if there's one thing Mr N can NOT do, it's sing! But, fortunately it seems it's only extended to his voice. He can at least play an instrument. I'm so happy for him. He's also doing so well socially too. Something that has last happened in his grade R year.
A few weeks ago, Mr N went with the Gautrain (public transport train) to watch the 20/20 cricket of the Proteas (our national team) against the Australian team. It was a real nailbiter game, which we won against all odds! I'm sooooo jealous for not being there! They had so much fun, such a good time. Perfect father and son bonding time, and his eyes were just alight when he got home.
So, moving onto the last one. Monkeyman. He too, is doing good. We had his teeth fixed under anaesthesia a few weeks ago. It looks so good! No vampire look anymore, LOL. I'm so so so glad we had it done. The following morning, he came running to me (after apparently looking in the mirror), screaming "mommy, the teeth now looks like my other teeth!". It wasn't the words, but the wonder and surprise and happiness on his face, that made me realise what a big deal this was. We never realised that he noticed how he looks. I mean, he's THREE! But clearly, it has been a good thing. Even though it cost us 10k, LOL. (That's about 1000 pounds). Fortunately our medical aid (medical insurance cover) paid about 3/4s of it. So worth it. They took the little roots out, pushed in tiny pins, and built new teeth all around the pins. It looks really, really well. Just normal. A normal little face with a normal little smile now. :-) Not that it came easy. It was especially difficult (like always) to hold him until he sleeps from the gas mask. Fortunately, the anaesthetist and dentist are both exceptionally good with children, and in their jobs. I hate walking out of a theatre, leaving a child of mine alone on there. But, it went as good as it possibly could. He didn't cry much, and was out so quickly. Before he could really get scared, he was out. The anaesthetist is really kind. She lets me hold him in my arms, close to my body, while putting the gasmask over his mouth (as close as he will let her). Within seconds he was out, and I put him on the table, while they start setting up the drip and everything. It was a long hour, waiting for them to finish. Another woman kept me company. Her child is in Boeboe's school as well. Her older daughter was there for wisdom teeth removal. It helped having someone to chat to a bit. My husband stayed home with the older two children until shortly before they were done with Monkeyman . He just made sure Monkeyman was alright, then he went off to work while I took all three kids home (it was school holidays).
Monkeyman's still such a quiet little boy. He LOVES playing on the i-pad, and he's really impressing his dad with what he's able to figure out for himself. He's a natural! Clearly also technology-orientated like his brother. Apart from that, he's really loving just playing inside. With his cars, puzzles, etc. I have to force him to get outside somewhat everyday. It saddens and frustrates me. The other two has always loved playing outside. Though, Mr N will also always chose technology above playing outside, but I just put my foot down and he goes. No prob. And then he always has a blast. But Monkeyman...aijaijai, it's difficult these days to get him to play outside! And when he does go, he's back within 10 minutes. Exclaiming that he's done now. That he's tired, and then he lies down. Complaining about his legs aching (see my worry?). Sometimes also about his head or tummy or feet or shins or knees or ankles. So I don't know when it's real, and when not. If I had no history with Boeboe and the real pain she has in her legs, I would've most likely dismissed it totally. But the nagging doubts sits with me. Every day. Monkeyman wakes up regularly (at least once a week) crying about his aching legs. And he'll clutch it/rubs it. So I'm sure it's real. He also complained about his lower back one day, out of the blue. We were in the shops, and I was carrying him, so there was no reason for him to complain, like trying to get out of doing something.
Apart from these things, it's really going well with Monkeyman. He's not enjoying school, so I've stopped it. He just sits on my lap, hiding his face under my arm. He'll talk to the teacher, but if one of the kids just so much as look at him, he wants to start crying! When they sing and dance, he refuse to look and has this terrified look on his face. When they play, he looks at them as if they're little Marsmen. He's never played with any one of them. Not even my friend's little boy, who's his "best friend". He'll enjoy the swings, and some of the art things they do. But that's it. Just not worth my time and effort to take him to school. So I've decided to leave it be, and try again next year January. He's such an easy child, that having him at home with me doesn't bother me one bit. Quite the opposite. I love having him around. Even when I go to the shops or whatever I have to do. He tags along, and it's fine. He's sweet and quiet and such a good little boy. No problem dragging him along with me. It's such a short time, then they're in school and big and all grown up. Having him with me, is just a pleasure.
So ya, it's going well with all three children. So life is good. On the downhill towards the end of the year, exams, Christmas, school holidays, etc. It always picks up speed this time of the year. Weekends gets busy, school gets hectic, functions pile up, etc. But it's fine. In 5 week's time, we're on holiday again!!
A few weeks ago, we had a quick break from school as well. We went to the bush veld for 5 days with family. The children had an absolute blast. Hot water pools, table tennis, putt-putt, long afternoons just chilling and chatting, eating all kinds of junk and snacks, etc. It was bliss. So I'm really looking forward to the December summer holidays. 5 Weeks of no extra-mural activities, no school, no homework, no exams, no Sunday school, no early mornings, etc. etc. etc.
I wanted to put up some pics, but things on our computer is in a bit of a mess, hubby had to redo Windows. And I don't have the photo's on my laptop. Will post some on another day. I'll try to remember to add one of Boeboe's back. It really looks good. A thin, white, little bit crooked line down her back. Clearly visible, but amazing how it healed in just 6 months time. So so so so so worth it! I put bio oil on, in the hope that it'll give her an even less visible scar down the years, though I'm sure it won't be a too big deal in the end. She'll always remember what the scar gave back to her. Something much more important than a blemish-free skin.
So for now, I'll just give a quick update on how it's going. In one word: Well. Let's start with Boeboe. A week ago, she laughed and laughed with her little brother about something, and it ended in an accident. I tried to remember when the last one was, and I couldn't. She doesn't always tell me these days, but mostly, it seems to be anything from 2-4 weeks! And almost always, it's when she either laughs, or plays, or doesn't run to the bathroom the moment she feels the urge. Unfortunately, she will still have small, sudden leaks. She's started to resort to wearing mini pantyliners for those days when it's bad. Seems like it's more comfortable now that she's physically growing bigger. She definitely went through a growth spurt just before the operation. No wonder her function went downhill so fast from January till March. With a tethered cord, when you have a growth spurt, it stretches the cord even more, causing more damage to nerves. Thus...loosing more function.
I'm having so much hope in me that in time, she will gain more and better control, and that she can maybe even become continent without any more medical help. For now, I'm just giving her time. If needed, I'll consider the botox again. But for now, I really don't think she needs it. She copes just fine with what she's dealing with at the moment.
With number two, it's going almost as well, but not quite. A friend told me about a magnesium product, and it works extremely well for Boeboe's constipation. Which keeps the accidents at bay. It's absolutely amazing and wonderful. She hates to drink it, but gosh, it works so so well. No cramping like the lactulose, no side effects. Awesome! Unfortunately, she still haven't regained full feeling back yet, and I don't think she ever will. So there's still weekly accidents. But the difference is that she HAS regained SOME feeling. So for today, I don't want to complain about what we still deal with. It's just so much better than in March.
The only complaint I have with Boeboe at the moment, is her legs. It's really worrying me, and I'm somewhat upset. I feel a bit lost and unsure what to do. She keeps on tripping. As she steps and swings her foot through, the toes drop and scrapes the ground. Then it kinda gets "stuck", which cause the top part of her foot to scrape. She lost so much skin in this fashion a few weeks ago, that it took about a month for the wound to heal. It was deep. And it bled and ache allot. Every few days. She had such a hard time, that she cried and pleaded with me to help her so that it never happens again. I told her about braces, but also mentioned all the negatives of that (hot, chafing, can't run, etc.) She was desperate enough to say she doesn't care, as long as she doesn't have to hurt any more. But now, about 2 weeks after the wound has healed (though the scar is still fresh), she's feeling less anxious and doesn't want the braces anymore, LOL. Typical child.
But it did bring it home to me, that she's suffering and finding it difficult. And that she expects me to help her, and I don't. I feel so guilty! And helpless. :-( What can or should I do?
She also complains alot these days about her legs aching. She also complains that her legs is "tottering". Not sure if that's the correct word? (Google translate provided it, LOL). In Afrikaans, we say that her legs "swik". It means it gives in underneath you. It doesn't bear your weight. It seems to be her knees?! Which is strange. It used to be her ankles, so I'm not sure what's going on. She even mentioned 2 weeks ago that she told her teacher that her legs are so sore, that she couldn't sit cross legged with her friends. Her teacher fortunately allowed her to sit in a way that was comfortable to her. This bothers me. My daughter is not the type to try and be "obvious". She's an introvert, and would rather hide, disappear, than stand out. So to speak up, means her legs really had to be achy. So what do I do about this? If it was a daily thing, of course I would've gone back to the drs, but it will happen for weeks every day, and then weeks will go by with relatively few incidents.
OK, so enough complaints about Boeboe. I'm really in a good mood today, and doesn't really want to complain! :-) Apart from all her legs/bladder/bowels issues, it's going very very well with her. She doesn't even need to see the psychologist anymore!! And I can SEE it. She's happier, more confident, more contend, more prepared to "live life" and do things that needs to be done. Like homework, etc. We still have daily tantrums, but we're able to nip it in the bud by sending her to time out, and now it's working. So happy with that. She's doing well in school, getting good marks and pleasing her teacher. She reads much better, and she's doing very well in her spell tests. Even better than her brother used to do! So our fears about her has been calmed down. So much. She has a whole group of friends to play with, though she still, to this day, misses her best friend sooooo much. This friend moved away during grade 1, and we only get to see them about 3 or 4 times a year. Still, she calls this friend her "best friend". Very sweet.
So on to the next one. Let's take Mr N. Ai, this boy of ours, he's such a pleasure. Such a good boy. I sometimes feel so guilty when I listen to other people's sons. Yes, our son will forget about homework, or rush it off, or not give me the letter his teacher handed out, or think playing the computer is more important than bathing, etc. He's quite normal, and all boy. But such a good, responsible, kind, wonderful boy to have! I think he'll make a wonderful husband one day. Although...he's lazy! Hahahaha. His poor wife is going to have all her days to get him to help her. Oops.
Anyway, at the moment, he's still just 10, so I have time to work on him. :-) For now, he's just so good. He does so well in his schoolwork. He's in the top 10 for his grade!! OK, he's 10th on the list, hahahaha. Out of over a 100 children. But what makes us proud, is that he's the only boy on the list!! So, technically he's about first out of 50 boys. ;-) So cool. He was sooooo chuffed with himself. It really brought it home to him WHY he studies so hard. He really gives it his all.
He also qualified to write the finals of the Maths Amesa competition, which is a national mathematical olympiad in our country. And he got silver for the final! They were only 4 grade 4's chosen in his school for the final. We were so proud of him. Apart from academics though, he's doing really well. He loved the cricket season, and was chosen for the first team for the last game of the season, which was awesome. He did extremely well with his class in the Eistedford competition for recorder practice, and really loved participating in this. I'm quite amazed, because if there's one thing Mr N can NOT do, it's sing! But, fortunately it seems it's only extended to his voice. He can at least play an instrument. I'm so happy for him. He's also doing so well socially too. Something that has last happened in his grade R year.
A few weeks ago, Mr N went with the Gautrain (public transport train) to watch the 20/20 cricket of the Proteas (our national team) against the Australian team. It was a real nailbiter game, which we won against all odds! I'm sooooo jealous for not being there! They had so much fun, such a good time. Perfect father and son bonding time, and his eyes were just alight when he got home.
So, moving onto the last one. Monkeyman. He too, is doing good. We had his teeth fixed under anaesthesia a few weeks ago. It looks so good! No vampire look anymore, LOL. I'm so so so glad we had it done. The following morning, he came running to me (after apparently looking in the mirror), screaming "mommy, the teeth now looks like my other teeth!". It wasn't the words, but the wonder and surprise and happiness on his face, that made me realise what a big deal this was. We never realised that he noticed how he looks. I mean, he's THREE! But clearly, it has been a good thing. Even though it cost us 10k, LOL. (That's about 1000 pounds). Fortunately our medical aid (medical insurance cover) paid about 3/4s of it. So worth it. They took the little roots out, pushed in tiny pins, and built new teeth all around the pins. It looks really, really well. Just normal. A normal little face with a normal little smile now. :-) Not that it came easy. It was especially difficult (like always) to hold him until he sleeps from the gas mask. Fortunately, the anaesthetist and dentist are both exceptionally good with children, and in their jobs. I hate walking out of a theatre, leaving a child of mine alone on there. But, it went as good as it possibly could. He didn't cry much, and was out so quickly. Before he could really get scared, he was out. The anaesthetist is really kind. She lets me hold him in my arms, close to my body, while putting the gasmask over his mouth (as close as he will let her). Within seconds he was out, and I put him on the table, while they start setting up the drip and everything. It was a long hour, waiting for them to finish. Another woman kept me company. Her child is in Boeboe's school as well. Her older daughter was there for wisdom teeth removal. It helped having someone to chat to a bit. My husband stayed home with the older two children until shortly before they were done with Monkeyman . He just made sure Monkeyman was alright, then he went off to work while I took all three kids home (it was school holidays).
Monkeyman's still such a quiet little boy. He LOVES playing on the i-pad, and he's really impressing his dad with what he's able to figure out for himself. He's a natural! Clearly also technology-orientated like his brother. Apart from that, he's really loving just playing inside. With his cars, puzzles, etc. I have to force him to get outside somewhat everyday. It saddens and frustrates me. The other two has always loved playing outside. Though, Mr N will also always chose technology above playing outside, but I just put my foot down and he goes. No prob. And then he always has a blast. But Monkeyman...aijaijai, it's difficult these days to get him to play outside! And when he does go, he's back within 10 minutes. Exclaiming that he's done now. That he's tired, and then he lies down. Complaining about his legs aching (see my worry?). Sometimes also about his head or tummy or feet or shins or knees or ankles. So I don't know when it's real, and when not. If I had no history with Boeboe and the real pain she has in her legs, I would've most likely dismissed it totally. But the nagging doubts sits with me. Every day. Monkeyman wakes up regularly (at least once a week) crying about his aching legs. And he'll clutch it/rubs it. So I'm sure it's real. He also complained about his lower back one day, out of the blue. We were in the shops, and I was carrying him, so there was no reason for him to complain, like trying to get out of doing something.
Apart from these things, it's really going well with Monkeyman. He's not enjoying school, so I've stopped it. He just sits on my lap, hiding his face under my arm. He'll talk to the teacher, but if one of the kids just so much as look at him, he wants to start crying! When they sing and dance, he refuse to look and has this terrified look on his face. When they play, he looks at them as if they're little Marsmen. He's never played with any one of them. Not even my friend's little boy, who's his "best friend". He'll enjoy the swings, and some of the art things they do. But that's it. Just not worth my time and effort to take him to school. So I've decided to leave it be, and try again next year January. He's such an easy child, that having him at home with me doesn't bother me one bit. Quite the opposite. I love having him around. Even when I go to the shops or whatever I have to do. He tags along, and it's fine. He's sweet and quiet and such a good little boy. No problem dragging him along with me. It's such a short time, then they're in school and big and all grown up. Having him with me, is just a pleasure.
So ya, it's going well with all three children. So life is good. On the downhill towards the end of the year, exams, Christmas, school holidays, etc. It always picks up speed this time of the year. Weekends gets busy, school gets hectic, functions pile up, etc. But it's fine. In 5 week's time, we're on holiday again!!
A few weeks ago, we had a quick break from school as well. We went to the bush veld for 5 days with family. The children had an absolute blast. Hot water pools, table tennis, putt-putt, long afternoons just chilling and chatting, eating all kinds of junk and snacks, etc. It was bliss. So I'm really looking forward to the December summer holidays. 5 Weeks of no extra-mural activities, no school, no homework, no exams, no Sunday school, no early mornings, etc. etc. etc.
I wanted to put up some pics, but things on our computer is in a bit of a mess, hubby had to redo Windows. And I don't have the photo's on my laptop. Will post some on another day. I'll try to remember to add one of Boeboe's back. It really looks good. A thin, white, little bit crooked line down her back. Clearly visible, but amazing how it healed in just 6 months time. So so so so so worth it! I put bio oil on, in the hope that it'll give her an even less visible scar down the years, though I'm sure it won't be a too big deal in the end. She'll always remember what the scar gave back to her. Something much more important than a blemish-free skin.
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
EEG, dentist and other complaints
I'm in a strange mood the past few days. Kinda melancholic, I guess. We had a hard week last week. Mr N had his EEG and pediatric neurologist visit, and it wasn't good news. He was supposed to be taken off his epileptic meds, but instead of the clean EEG we all expected (based on the last 18 months' EEG's), he showed a profound and very, very bad reaction to being hyperventilated. The neurologist expressed concern over it, because it's so severe. I noticed it on the computer screen during the EEG. I immediately knew it's not going to be clean like we hoped. It's sad. The neurologist asked us some questions about Mr N's regular headaches and behaviour, and then said the reaction is closely linked to migraines, so he's changing his seizures meds to something that will cover both seizures and migraines. I'm not looking forward to the adjustment period of the new meds. We have to give both meds together for 3 months, and then stop the first meds. It's going to be difficult, based on our previous experiences with Mr N's reaction to changing the meds (even just dossage adjustments has severe effects on him).
The poor kid is having trouble with his vestibular system at the moment. The OT said she's never saw a kid have such a bad physical reaction to movement. Now I understand it...it's like getting a seizure...:-( Or a migraine. What worries me, is that this wasn't there 6 months ago. And the past few months and weeks, it got so bad that he can just sit on the couch when dizziness would just overcome him. Yesterday he was hot, so he used a little chinese paper fan to cool his face, when it caused him to become extremely dizzy and feeling ill. I guess it caused a bit hyperventilation. I'm contemplating phoning the OT to get her opinion on if we should continue the therapy. It kinda feels "wrong" to do therapy to him where you purposely provoke overloading the brain?
Two days after this visit, I took the kids to the dentist. And there Mr N unfortunately had an awful, awful experience. It was traumatic to say the least. To both him and me. It took all my control to not scream out and cry, and grab my boy and run out with him. His screams and begging for it to stop...it will haunt me for weeks to come!
So I was quite shattered after that. Boeboe also had some cavities, AGAIN, but fortunately she is tremendously courageous, and it's baby teeth, so they fixed it LIVE! She doesn't moan, cry, scream, nothing. Just sits still and when they're done she gets a little toy and she's happy as rain...:-) The dentist believes it's because she's been through so much worse in her life, that something like the dentist doesn't scare her one bit! Just amazing, this strong little girl of mine. I sometimes realise I don't realise exactly how strong she really is.
Unfortunately, Monkeyman is a horse of a totally different colour, and held onto me like his namesakes, monkeys. She (the dentist) had a very very quick look, and it doesn't look so good. Absess in the broken teeth, and another (new!) molar with a cavity...:-( Because it involves root canal, AND because he's so scared, he'll have to be sedated. So anaesthesia. It makes me so frustrated, scared, angry, sad. The dentist asked me to ask the pead when we schedule the gastroscopy, if they can't do anything better for the kids reflux, because it's destroying their teeth. Clearly, the current meds is either not working long enough, or not well enough. Sigh.
So ya. It was a tough, tough week. I just want my kids to be healthy and happy, and not see them being hurt so much. It's so unfair. But what choice do we have? We just have to go on and on and on. Day after day, week after week, month after month. Tackling these problems as they appear. It's just that the thought of putting Monkeyman through 2 anaesthesia's in the next few months (dentistry and gastroscopy) is terrifying me. And I don't even want to think about how Boeboe's going to react when I tell her she too will need another anaesthesia (also gastroscopy). I dread that conversation. The thought of it makes me want to cry. She had such a hard time last, with the spine operation. She's not going to be led meekly to be drugged again.
At least after the awful week, we had a wonderful weekend. Mr N participated in a friendly cricket match where he bowled someone out. He was soooo chuffed! And his daddy was so proud...:) Then we just did literally nothing for the rest of the weekend. Relaxed, braaied, etc. It was good.
The poor kid is having trouble with his vestibular system at the moment. The OT said she's never saw a kid have such a bad physical reaction to movement. Now I understand it...it's like getting a seizure...:-( Or a migraine. What worries me, is that this wasn't there 6 months ago. And the past few months and weeks, it got so bad that he can just sit on the couch when dizziness would just overcome him. Yesterday he was hot, so he used a little chinese paper fan to cool his face, when it caused him to become extremely dizzy and feeling ill. I guess it caused a bit hyperventilation. I'm contemplating phoning the OT to get her opinion on if we should continue the therapy. It kinda feels "wrong" to do therapy to him where you purposely provoke overloading the brain?
Two days after this visit, I took the kids to the dentist. And there Mr N unfortunately had an awful, awful experience. It was traumatic to say the least. To both him and me. It took all my control to not scream out and cry, and grab my boy and run out with him. His screams and begging for it to stop...it will haunt me for weeks to come!
So I was quite shattered after that. Boeboe also had some cavities, AGAIN, but fortunately she is tremendously courageous, and it's baby teeth, so they fixed it LIVE! She doesn't moan, cry, scream, nothing. Just sits still and when they're done she gets a little toy and she's happy as rain...:-) The dentist believes it's because she's been through so much worse in her life, that something like the dentist doesn't scare her one bit! Just amazing, this strong little girl of mine. I sometimes realise I don't realise exactly how strong she really is.
Unfortunately, Monkeyman is a horse of a totally different colour, and held onto me like his namesakes, monkeys. She (the dentist) had a very very quick look, and it doesn't look so good. Absess in the broken teeth, and another (new!) molar with a cavity...:-( Because it involves root canal, AND because he's so scared, he'll have to be sedated. So anaesthesia. It makes me so frustrated, scared, angry, sad. The dentist asked me to ask the pead when we schedule the gastroscopy, if they can't do anything better for the kids reflux, because it's destroying their teeth. Clearly, the current meds is either not working long enough, or not well enough. Sigh.
So ya. It was a tough, tough week. I just want my kids to be healthy and happy, and not see them being hurt so much. It's so unfair. But what choice do we have? We just have to go on and on and on. Day after day, week after week, month after month. Tackling these problems as they appear. It's just that the thought of putting Monkeyman through 2 anaesthesia's in the next few months (dentistry and gastroscopy) is terrifying me. And I don't even want to think about how Boeboe's going to react when I tell her she too will need another anaesthesia (also gastroscopy). I dread that conversation. The thought of it makes me want to cry. She had such a hard time last, with the spine operation. She's not going to be led meekly to be drugged again.
At least after the awful week, we had a wonderful weekend. Mr N participated in a friendly cricket match where he bowled someone out. He was soooo chuffed! And his daddy was so proud...:) Then we just did literally nothing for the rest of the weekend. Relaxed, braaied, etc. It was good.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Normal treatment, or special treatment?
The thing I've wondered about the past week, was how should I have treated my little girl? In particular, with regards to her legs.
A few days ago, I was waiting for my son to come from cricket practice. I saw 2 moms coming out of the school with their little girls. Gorgeous little girls of about ages 6-8. They were wearing tutu's. The whole little ballet costumes, in fact. The two families looked so happy.
Somehow, it hit me. The fact that my little girl couldn't do that. I did. I took ballet for a while, and I absolutely adored it. I would've continued, but my teacher went away. We lived in a small town, and there was no one to continue our lessons with. The teacher urged my mom to take me to the next-door town, because accordingly to her, I was good. It warmed my heart, but I told my mom it's okay. We don't have to continue with lessons. It broke my heart, which I never told my mom. But I was old enough (at about age 8...hahaha) to know that we weren't rich. And that it would cost my parents allot of money to not only pay for my lessons (with the previous teacher it was free, but in the neighbouring town it wouldn't be), but also the petrol money. I knew it wasn't worth it, because even if I was very good, I wasn't exceptional. It wasn't as if this would've been my career one day.
So when I had a little girl, I was excited about the idea of her doing ballet one day. Not super excited like it's a burning desire in me. Just excited because I loved it so much, and hoped that she too would find joy in it. Soon after starting grade R, I asked Boeboe if she'd like to start ballet. She agreed, very excitedly. We made sure with her orthopead surgeon that it was safe for her feet/legs, and he said yes, it won't cause any harm. It may even be beneficial.
Sadly, Boeboe didn't enjoy the ballet. In the beginning, she couldn't tell me why not. She just continued to be negative on ballet days. Seeing it as a chore, not a joy. I used to be excited about going to my classes. She wasn't. She was strangely not very talkative about it at all.
After some time, she started complaining about it. Her legs hurt. She couldn't explain to me why and what precisely. Just that it hurt. A few months later, she was able to vocalise it better. Telling me what they do, when it hurts. Usually, it was when they were stretching, or twisting their legs or feet.
Numerous times I'd ask my husband if we should allow her to stop. Every time though, we thought lets just give her some more time. Let her try and find the joy in it. Let her learn that one should not give up, just because exercise can be painful. Let her learn that if you start something beginning of the year, you see it through until end of the year.
So. We treated her like a normal little girl. We treated her like we would've treated any girl of ours. Not like a disabled kid. Partly of course due to the fact that we didn't know yet that she was disabled. Sometimes, I did think...what if something is wrong with her legs? Ballet isn't suppose to hurt at this age? But then I'd shrug it off again.
End of that year though, I gave her the choice if she wants to continue or not, and she immediately said no thank you. She chose to do a music/drama type of class, which she enjoyed thoroughly.
So I sat in my car a few days ago...watching those little girls walk happily out of the ballet lesson in their little costumes, and I felt like crying for my little girl. Because of the pain I put her through. She tried to tell me. Yes, it couldn't have been TOO bad, because it's not as if she was crying afterwards (or during) lessons. Or begging me to stop. She would just matter of fact telling me she doesn't like it much, because it hurts her legs. How was I to know?
Now I'm wondering. If we have known...almost 3 years ago. If we had known that Boeboe has a nerve condition involving her legs. Would we have been more sympathetic? I'd like to say yes. Would we have let her stop the ballet classes? I'd have to say Yes, most definitely.
What would Boeboe have learned from that? That her parents are sympathetic and supportive? Maybe. That you can stop something when it hurts and you don't like it? Yes. That you can use a disability to not do something that causes pain? Yes. That you don't have to finish something when you have a good, valid, solid excuse? Yes.
What did she learn? That her parents were unsympathetic and not supportive? Yes. That you have to stick through something despite it being painful? Yes. That you have to bear and grin? Yes. That you have to be strong? Yes. I can go on and on. Is this what I WANTED her to learn? No. A big, fat, solid NO.
People tend to say...don't wrap your disabled child in cotton wool. I don't. My daughter doesn't even know that she had a "disability". Or have. Whatever way you want to look at it. She doesn't know there's something different between her and her brothers. Now that her bladder is "fixed" in her eyes, she doesn't know there's any more difference between her and her peers. So I certainly do NOT wrap her in cotton wool. I do not safeguard her. I do not protect her from unnecessary hurt because of her condition. Maybe because we didn't know about this condition from birth? Maybe because by the time we knew for a fact WHAT is wrong with her, she was already operated for it. I could never mollycoddle her because of my suspicions. Until we had a diagnosis, I treated her like a normal little girl. Then, after her diagnosis, she's been operated on already and mostly "fixed". So no need to treat her different than any normal little girl.
But then I think of the ballet. And I feel sad for her. Sad that she had to do something physically painful and uncomfortable, because we didn't know about her condition. How unfair towards her. Didn't she deserve to be treated sympathetic? And supportive?
So what's better? To treat a disabled child "normal" so that she doesn't feel disabled? Or to treat a normal child "normal" and then finds out she isn't so "normal"? Which hurts the child more? Isn't it the right of a disabled person, to be only pushed to her limits, and not beyond? Isn't it fair for a disabled person to be treated inside their limits? I once complained to a neurologist that Boeboe can't walk very far without getting very tired. He answered: All children gets tired when walking far.
True. But a able-bodied child gets tired differently than a disabled child. The latter's tiredness goes much much deeper. It causes aches and pains and a sense of failure. Is that fair? Should you push your disabled child until they feel that sense of failure? And then wash your hands in innocence and say "I didn't want her to feel disabled"?
OK, I'm rambling now. Like you see, I'm struggling with this. How far does support, sympathy, empathy and acceptance go? And how far do you push a little child? To be normal.
If I could do it all over again. This time WITH the knowledge of my daughter's condition. WITH the knowledge that her legs have been touched by her condition. I would've done it differently. I would've been more sympathetic. I would've looked for a trolley in the mall earlier. I would not have gotten cross with her when she complained she's tired. I would not have walked so fast. I would not have told her "everyone's legs tire" when she complained. I would not have urged her to take ballet. I would not have told her she had to finish the year's ballet. That it's okay and acceptable that it makes your legs ache. I would've given her more choices. Less forcing. More support. Less arguing. More sympathy. Less denial of her feelings. Would this have changed her into a wimp? Into a worthless person who do not push herself? No. It would've validate herself. That what she was feeling, the pain, was real. It would've given her confidence in the fact that her parents believed her. I think the lessons she should've learned, was more valuable, than the lessons she did learn with our unsympathetic attitudes. So I'm sorry. Sorry that I didn't know. Sorry that I acted like everything was normal. Sorry that I didn't believe my daughter. Sorry that I didn't support her.
A few days ago, I was waiting for my son to come from cricket practice. I saw 2 moms coming out of the school with their little girls. Gorgeous little girls of about ages 6-8. They were wearing tutu's. The whole little ballet costumes, in fact. The two families looked so happy.
Somehow, it hit me. The fact that my little girl couldn't do that. I did. I took ballet for a while, and I absolutely adored it. I would've continued, but my teacher went away. We lived in a small town, and there was no one to continue our lessons with. The teacher urged my mom to take me to the next-door town, because accordingly to her, I was good. It warmed my heart, but I told my mom it's okay. We don't have to continue with lessons. It broke my heart, which I never told my mom. But I was old enough (at about age 8...hahaha) to know that we weren't rich. And that it would cost my parents allot of money to not only pay for my lessons (with the previous teacher it was free, but in the neighbouring town it wouldn't be), but also the petrol money. I knew it wasn't worth it, because even if I was very good, I wasn't exceptional. It wasn't as if this would've been my career one day.
So when I had a little girl, I was excited about the idea of her doing ballet one day. Not super excited like it's a burning desire in me. Just excited because I loved it so much, and hoped that she too would find joy in it. Soon after starting grade R, I asked Boeboe if she'd like to start ballet. She agreed, very excitedly. We made sure with her orthopead surgeon that it was safe for her feet/legs, and he said yes, it won't cause any harm. It may even be beneficial.
Sadly, Boeboe didn't enjoy the ballet. In the beginning, she couldn't tell me why not. She just continued to be negative on ballet days. Seeing it as a chore, not a joy. I used to be excited about going to my classes. She wasn't. She was strangely not very talkative about it at all.
After some time, she started complaining about it. Her legs hurt. She couldn't explain to me why and what precisely. Just that it hurt. A few months later, she was able to vocalise it better. Telling me what they do, when it hurts. Usually, it was when they were stretching, or twisting their legs or feet.
Numerous times I'd ask my husband if we should allow her to stop. Every time though, we thought lets just give her some more time. Let her try and find the joy in it. Let her learn that one should not give up, just because exercise can be painful. Let her learn that if you start something beginning of the year, you see it through until end of the year.
So. We treated her like a normal little girl. We treated her like we would've treated any girl of ours. Not like a disabled kid. Partly of course due to the fact that we didn't know yet that she was disabled. Sometimes, I did think...what if something is wrong with her legs? Ballet isn't suppose to hurt at this age? But then I'd shrug it off again.
End of that year though, I gave her the choice if she wants to continue or not, and she immediately said no thank you. She chose to do a music/drama type of class, which she enjoyed thoroughly.
So I sat in my car a few days ago...watching those little girls walk happily out of the ballet lesson in their little costumes, and I felt like crying for my little girl. Because of the pain I put her through. She tried to tell me. Yes, it couldn't have been TOO bad, because it's not as if she was crying afterwards (or during) lessons. Or begging me to stop. She would just matter of fact telling me she doesn't like it much, because it hurts her legs. How was I to know?
Now I'm wondering. If we have known...almost 3 years ago. If we had known that Boeboe has a nerve condition involving her legs. Would we have been more sympathetic? I'd like to say yes. Would we have let her stop the ballet classes? I'd have to say Yes, most definitely.
What would Boeboe have learned from that? That her parents are sympathetic and supportive? Maybe. That you can stop something when it hurts and you don't like it? Yes. That you can use a disability to not do something that causes pain? Yes. That you don't have to finish something when you have a good, valid, solid excuse? Yes.
What did she learn? That her parents were unsympathetic and not supportive? Yes. That you have to stick through something despite it being painful? Yes. That you have to bear and grin? Yes. That you have to be strong? Yes. I can go on and on. Is this what I WANTED her to learn? No. A big, fat, solid NO.
People tend to say...don't wrap your disabled child in cotton wool. I don't. My daughter doesn't even know that she had a "disability". Or have. Whatever way you want to look at it. She doesn't know there's something different between her and her brothers. Now that her bladder is "fixed" in her eyes, she doesn't know there's any more difference between her and her peers. So I certainly do NOT wrap her in cotton wool. I do not safeguard her. I do not protect her from unnecessary hurt because of her condition. Maybe because we didn't know about this condition from birth? Maybe because by the time we knew for a fact WHAT is wrong with her, she was already operated for it. I could never mollycoddle her because of my suspicions. Until we had a diagnosis, I treated her like a normal little girl. Then, after her diagnosis, she's been operated on already and mostly "fixed". So no need to treat her different than any normal little girl.
But then I think of the ballet. And I feel sad for her. Sad that she had to do something physically painful and uncomfortable, because we didn't know about her condition. How unfair towards her. Didn't she deserve to be treated sympathetic? And supportive?
So what's better? To treat a disabled child "normal" so that she doesn't feel disabled? Or to treat a normal child "normal" and then finds out she isn't so "normal"? Which hurts the child more? Isn't it the right of a disabled person, to be only pushed to her limits, and not beyond? Isn't it fair for a disabled person to be treated inside their limits? I once complained to a neurologist that Boeboe can't walk very far without getting very tired. He answered: All children gets tired when walking far.
True. But a able-bodied child gets tired differently than a disabled child. The latter's tiredness goes much much deeper. It causes aches and pains and a sense of failure. Is that fair? Should you push your disabled child until they feel that sense of failure? And then wash your hands in innocence and say "I didn't want her to feel disabled"?
OK, I'm rambling now. Like you see, I'm struggling with this. How far does support, sympathy, empathy and acceptance go? And how far do you push a little child? To be normal.
If I could do it all over again. This time WITH the knowledge of my daughter's condition. WITH the knowledge that her legs have been touched by her condition. I would've done it differently. I would've been more sympathetic. I would've looked for a trolley in the mall earlier. I would not have gotten cross with her when she complained she's tired. I would not have walked so fast. I would not have told her "everyone's legs tire" when she complained. I would not have urged her to take ballet. I would not have told her she had to finish the year's ballet. That it's okay and acceptable that it makes your legs ache. I would've given her more choices. Less forcing. More support. Less arguing. More sympathy. Less denial of her feelings. Would this have changed her into a wimp? Into a worthless person who do not push herself? No. It would've validate herself. That what she was feeling, the pain, was real. It would've given her confidence in the fact that her parents believed her. I think the lessons she should've learned, was more valuable, than the lessons she did learn with our unsympathetic attitudes. So I'm sorry. Sorry that I didn't know. Sorry that I acted like everything was normal. Sorry that I didn't believe my daughter. Sorry that I didn't support her.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
New school term
So the school holidays is over...:( It was so nice. Every minute, every week. Three weeks of bliss. Pity it had to come to an end. Just the weekend left, then it's back to school. Back to the normal routine. All the running around, the activities, the homework, the early mornings, the lunch box preparations, the school clothes, etc. etc. etc.
The kids arrived safe and sound back from the grannies on Wednesday. They had a great time! Boeboe was very pleased when she saw her room when she got back. It's all sorted, packed, stacked, and looks neat and orderly again. Wish I had time (or rather, the energy and inclination) to now tackle Monkeyman's room, clothes and toys! Fortunately Mr N's room is still nicely ordered and neat. His toys just neats sorting, and we did half of that.
On Thursday, my sister brought us a new puppy! He's still nameless, since we said everyone has to agree on the name. Trying to get 5 people (or at least the 3 kids) to agree on a name seems to be almost impossible! The puppy is very cute. Still small. And a mixture of quite a few small-breed dogs. Very soft, longish hair. Cutest little face. And a personality that seems would blend in easily with our family. We're trying to make it an outside dog. Only allowed in the kitchen at night, since it's winter and very cold at night outside. After the years of struggle with Boeboe's accidents, I just can't face doggie pooh and wee all over my house too. As it is, it already happened once because Boeboe left the door open. And of course quite a number of accidents in the kitchen during the night. But I throw newspapers in the little area we block him off in. So that's easy enough to clean up every morning. Not nice though, so I look forward to winter being over, so that the puppy can sleep outside. The kids are trying to teach it to only wee and pooh in one place (at the back of the garden). Since they're the ones who have to pick up the pooh (with a poop scoop).
Here's some pics:
The kids arrived safe and sound back from the grannies on Wednesday. They had a great time! Boeboe was very pleased when she saw her room when she got back. It's all sorted, packed, stacked, and looks neat and orderly again. Wish I had time (or rather, the energy and inclination) to now tackle Monkeyman's room, clothes and toys! Fortunately Mr N's room is still nicely ordered and neat. His toys just neats sorting, and we did half of that.
On Thursday, my sister brought us a new puppy! He's still nameless, since we said everyone has to agree on the name. Trying to get 5 people (or at least the 3 kids) to agree on a name seems to be almost impossible! The puppy is very cute. Still small. And a mixture of quite a few small-breed dogs. Very soft, longish hair. Cutest little face. And a personality that seems would blend in easily with our family. We're trying to make it an outside dog. Only allowed in the kitchen at night, since it's winter and very cold at night outside. After the years of struggle with Boeboe's accidents, I just can't face doggie pooh and wee all over my house too. As it is, it already happened once because Boeboe left the door open. And of course quite a number of accidents in the kitchen during the night. But I throw newspapers in the little area we block him off in. So that's easy enough to clean up every morning. Not nice though, so I look forward to winter being over, so that the puppy can sleep outside. The kids are trying to teach it to only wee and pooh in one place (at the back of the garden). Since they're the ones who have to pick up the pooh (with a poop scoop).
Here's some pics:
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| The new puppy |
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| Mr N with the puppy |
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| Our puppy on the right, with his brother. We could choose which one we wanted. |
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| Introducing the puppy to the bunnies. Both were rather skittish...:-) |
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| Fluffy kept him in the eye. She didn't trust to leave the cage and leave him in there, LOL. |
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| Monkeyman being silly, pushing his head in front of the camera...:) |
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| The twins...as MIL calls them. They're always together, always playing, and absolutely adore each other. |
Monday, July 11, 2011
Home alone...:-(
I felt guilty after my last post, LOL. It was just me me me me me. All about how I feel about everything. That wasn't fair. It's my daughter it's happening to. How I feel about it, should not matter that much.
So how does she feel about it? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. Something weird happened a few weeks ago. We spoke about the time before the operation, and Boeboe couldn't remember what I was talking about. She couldn't remember having accidents daily, and why she needed the operation. I was flabbergasted and extremely concerned, so I queried the psychologist. She too didn't understand why that was the case. She said maybe Boeboe has really worked through all her issues already, and put it not only behind her, but blocked it off/out. She's done with that part.
I don't know hey. Still sounds strange to me. But, my daughter always had trouble remembering detail. So maybe it's just the way her brain is wired. Sooooo different from Mr N, who is able to remember minute detail of things from when he was age 3 and 4. Boeboe can't even remember something SO HUGE happening to her when she was 7!!!
Well, she couldn't remember it THAT day. When I asked her about it a few weeks later again, she remembered the operation, why it was done, and when I asked her if it worked, she smiled a big, beautiful smile and said yes!
Anyway, so she's handling it all well, I guess. She's over any and all trauma. She hates the meds she gets, and she hates the constipation. Apart from that, she's really doing well. Happily playing with her brothers now that it's holiday. She's having a blast, and she's really really being such a sweetheart. All the upsets and tantrums before end of term has all completely disappeared. I'm 100% sure the term was just too long and too difficult for her. Now that she's rested, she's fine! Just being an adorable, sweet, calm little girl...:) Love it!
So their grandmother called the weekend (Saturday) and asked if they can have the two oldest kids for the last week of the holiday. I first said no, since we had a busy week planned, but then after saying goodbye, I felt guilty. The in-laws rarely ask for the kids. Maybe once or twice a year. So I asked the kids how they feel, and all THREE exclaimed they wanna go!!! Even my baby...:-( Well, he's almost 3.5 years old, so no baby anymore really, though he'll always be my baby!
So we phoned the in-laws and asked if they want to have all three! I just couldn't tell Monkeyman he has to stay while the other two go. He loves his granny and grandfather, and he would be soooooo lonely without Mr N and Boeboe. He's played and played with them so much this holiday. From the moment he wakes, until he goes to bed, he was with one or both of them. Even when he got tired, he'd grab his pillow and blanket and bottle, and drop down next to wherever they were playing. Then he'd lie with them, watching how they continue the game they were all playing. Once he rested, about 15-30 minutes, he'd join them again.
So to tell him they're going and he's staying...it would've broken his heart. So against my own selfish wishes, I agreed to send all three. We dropped them with the in-laws today, and they'll bring them back after 3 nights on Wednesday. They wanted to come and visit with us next weekend in any case, so now they're just coming a few days earlier.
I'm sure they're all going to have a lovely time. Monkeyman was so excited to stay there, and he was adamant that he wanted to. He hugged us easily, and waved us goodbye with a big smile on his face. So I'm not too worried about him. Though, of course I'll miss him something terrible! Just like we miss the other two when they're not home. Neither me nor hubby likes it when the children aren't home. We don't like sending them away. We don't want time alone, or time to/for ourselves. We get enough of that every night when the kids go to bed at 8pm. We like having our kids with us. It's lonely and quiet without them.
So here's some pics taken during the first 2 weeks of the holiday at home:
So how does she feel about it? Well, to be honest, I'm not sure. Something weird happened a few weeks ago. We spoke about the time before the operation, and Boeboe couldn't remember what I was talking about. She couldn't remember having accidents daily, and why she needed the operation. I was flabbergasted and extremely concerned, so I queried the psychologist. She too didn't understand why that was the case. She said maybe Boeboe has really worked through all her issues already, and put it not only behind her, but blocked it off/out. She's done with that part.
I don't know hey. Still sounds strange to me. But, my daughter always had trouble remembering detail. So maybe it's just the way her brain is wired. Sooooo different from Mr N, who is able to remember minute detail of things from when he was age 3 and 4. Boeboe can't even remember something SO HUGE happening to her when she was 7!!!
Well, she couldn't remember it THAT day. When I asked her about it a few weeks later again, she remembered the operation, why it was done, and when I asked her if it worked, she smiled a big, beautiful smile and said yes!
Anyway, so she's handling it all well, I guess. She's over any and all trauma. She hates the meds she gets, and she hates the constipation. Apart from that, she's really doing well. Happily playing with her brothers now that it's holiday. She's having a blast, and she's really really being such a sweetheart. All the upsets and tantrums before end of term has all completely disappeared. I'm 100% sure the term was just too long and too difficult for her. Now that she's rested, she's fine! Just being an adorable, sweet, calm little girl...:) Love it!
So their grandmother called the weekend (Saturday) and asked if they can have the two oldest kids for the last week of the holiday. I first said no, since we had a busy week planned, but then after saying goodbye, I felt guilty. The in-laws rarely ask for the kids. Maybe once or twice a year. So I asked the kids how they feel, and all THREE exclaimed they wanna go!!! Even my baby...:-( Well, he's almost 3.5 years old, so no baby anymore really, though he'll always be my baby!
So we phoned the in-laws and asked if they want to have all three! I just couldn't tell Monkeyman he has to stay while the other two go. He loves his granny and grandfather, and he would be soooooo lonely without Mr N and Boeboe. He's played and played with them so much this holiday. From the moment he wakes, until he goes to bed, he was with one or both of them. Even when he got tired, he'd grab his pillow and blanket and bottle, and drop down next to wherever they were playing. Then he'd lie with them, watching how they continue the game they were all playing. Once he rested, about 15-30 minutes, he'd join them again.
So to tell him they're going and he's staying...it would've broken his heart. So against my own selfish wishes, I agreed to send all three. We dropped them with the in-laws today, and they'll bring them back after 3 nights on Wednesday. They wanted to come and visit with us next weekend in any case, so now they're just coming a few days earlier.
I'm sure they're all going to have a lovely time. Monkeyman was so excited to stay there, and he was adamant that he wanted to. He hugged us easily, and waved us goodbye with a big smile on his face. So I'm not too worried about him. Though, of course I'll miss him something terrible! Just like we miss the other two when they're not home. Neither me nor hubby likes it when the children aren't home. We don't like sending them away. We don't want time alone, or time to/for ourselves. We get enough of that every night when the kids go to bed at 8pm. We like having our kids with us. It's lonely and quiet without them.
So here's some pics taken during the first 2 weeks of the holiday at home:
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| My three little monkeys |
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| Since we lowered the slide a bit, he's having so much fun on it |
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| Just look at what Boeboe's doing! Jumping off the climbing frame, not even 3 months after a huge backoperation!!! Just amazing how their little bodies just recuperate and heal. |
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| Even if we're all playing outside, when Monkeyman gets tired (every hour or so), he'll go grab his pillow, blankie and bottle, and lie down whereever Boeboe and Mr N are. |
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| My little tree fairy! We bought and planted this tree before her birth, and it's only now possible to start climbing it. |
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| The house was too silent, so I went in search of the kids. Found them outside, where they were holding a little picnic with naartjies, joghurt and juice. LOL, they're just so inventive and cute. Love it when they entertain themselves like this! |
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| Look ma, no teeth! Monkeyman broke his front tooth (and swollowed it!). Poor poor little boy. We're waiting to see the dentist in a few weeks time. Hope they can help him! |
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| Having fun with his version of Ben10's omnitrix |
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| Just look at that cute little face |
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| Having such a blast! |
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| Monkeyman got a bubble "gun". They had so much fun with it! |
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| Gotcha! Catching bubbles... |
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| My beautiful Boeboe. Eating tomato sauce, lol. |
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| Loved playing with the bubbles |
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| Close-up of the healed wound almost 3 months post-op. You can clearly see the "hairy patch" that used to concern me, though most doctors said it's nothing. Clearly, it wasn't nothing! |
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| It looks really, really good. Can't believe it's been almost 3 months already! |
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Feeling like a yo-yo!
One moment, I'm up and think the world is just great and that I couldn't be happier. Next moment, I'm tired and feeling down and wish some things can just get better NOW. I'm not very good with accepting things I cannot change. Wish I was though. It would've made my life so much easier.
So what am I on about? Well, the last few things that wasn't fixed by the operation. Everyone just keep on telling me how grateful I should be for what WAS fixed. How awesome and wonderful and amazing the progress has been. How happy I should be.
Thus, I feel terrible to be so ungrateful to still complain about the symptoms that's left. I really love the improvements, don't get me wrong. I don't want anything to change again for the worse. I really, really am thankful for all that's changed for the better. It's just that sometimes, I still get so depressed about the bad things. It's difficult for me writing about it, because this is such an open environment (the blog).
I feel so sorry for my daughter, because accidents definitely influence how I feel towards her AT THAT MOMENT. Of course, it doesn't change my love for her. These things, just makes me irritated and short-tempered towards her. So unfair, but so human.
So our fight against this inhuman constipation continues. It just doesn't get better. We struggle so immensely, I don't know what to do anymore! NOTHING seems to really help! I've reached some kind of conslusion the other day. My daughter's constipation is made worse by her love for fruit. You'd think it would be the oposite. But remember that her constipation isn't "normal" constipation. Like the constipation most of the population struggles with at least some of the time. Her constipation is because the colon does not get the signals from the nerves to contract. It's totally different from the reason for "normal" constipation.
Fibre is a great thing for the colon, but only if you have enough water, and enough movement in the colon. Then it helps things along. But if you're lacking in water or movement, fibre works like a plug. It stops things in its tracks. I think that's what's happening with my daughter. That's why her diet (lots of raw fruit and veggies) had no positive impact, ever, on her colon. That's why she was so severely constipated as an exclusively breastfed baby. Because her colon doesn't move things along as it should.
So what can I do? I honestly don't know. The only 2 things that the pead could advise, was lactulose and polyethlene glycol (in my country, these are things like duphalac, Laxette and movicol/pegicol). Lactulose works beautifully, but not enough. I'm giving very high doses, and getting a 50% result. Movicol works slightly better, but to find the balance between getting things to work as normal, or causing diahhrea is extremely difficult. And ontop of this, Boeboe absolutely HATES the taste. She hates the taste of both movicol and lactulose. But if she can choose, she choose Lactulose. So we try to stick to that. It must be awful for her, drinking so many spoonfuls of something she hates. Daily.
I've resorted to a suppository a few times as well, and it DOES help. But to force your child like that...:( It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces and feels so totally wrong. She's 7! It's HER body! To force things like this...I just don't think it's right. I've done so many things to her over the years. Forced her to have so many procedures and things to try out. It's difficult. So difficult. So we use the suppositories as an absolute last last last resort.
Geewhizz, a whole page full of talking about sh*t. Sorry about that. But as you can see, it fills my days and it's NOT nice. But, there's still MUCH improvement, so I try to hold onto that. The nr 1 accidents is really so little now. In volume, and in frequency! It's happening about every 10 days still. It's as if she can now control it some more. Somehow I still feel as if there's continuous improvement. So I don't want to go to the urologist just yet for medication or botox. I think she needs another few months to see how much control she can learn over the last bit of the bladder contractions. I have much hope left that some day, she'll be totally continent with her bladder.
After the one night time accident, there was none again. So, in 3 months, just the once since the operation! Praise the Lord! Same with the pins and needles. Just the one incident. Falling down/stumbling/bumping toes....still about 3 times a week. Just amazing. When it happens, I still cringe. I still wish there was none, or once every few months like my 3-year old. But so much to be grateful for.
So as you can see, I should not really complain. Not about the little bit of issues we have left. It's just that I struggle, and I'm not patient or kind-hearted when I struggle. And my daughter has had so much impatience from me, it's so unfair.
The speech therapy isn't helping either...:-( We've fallen behind with this so much, and we got some new assignments for over the holiday, that we had to start this daily from this week. Yesterday, she did one assignment where she had to answer 5 short questions and drew 2 easy pictures. It took her 90 minutes! Of which 14 was spent in two seperate timeouts since she gets so tired and upset about it all. This isn't fair. But what choice do we have? It needs to be fixed now, before she's grade 4 with exams and everything. Being slow with it, is no excuse NOT to do it...:(
Apart from these complaints, we're having a lovely holiday at home! Very relaxing. I'll post some photo's later in the week.
So what am I on about? Well, the last few things that wasn't fixed by the operation. Everyone just keep on telling me how grateful I should be for what WAS fixed. How awesome and wonderful and amazing the progress has been. How happy I should be.
Thus, I feel terrible to be so ungrateful to still complain about the symptoms that's left. I really love the improvements, don't get me wrong. I don't want anything to change again for the worse. I really, really am thankful for all that's changed for the better. It's just that sometimes, I still get so depressed about the bad things. It's difficult for me writing about it, because this is such an open environment (the blog).
I feel so sorry for my daughter, because accidents definitely influence how I feel towards her AT THAT MOMENT. Of course, it doesn't change my love for her. These things, just makes me irritated and short-tempered towards her. So unfair, but so human.
So our fight against this inhuman constipation continues. It just doesn't get better. We struggle so immensely, I don't know what to do anymore! NOTHING seems to really help! I've reached some kind of conslusion the other day. My daughter's constipation is made worse by her love for fruit. You'd think it would be the oposite. But remember that her constipation isn't "normal" constipation. Like the constipation most of the population struggles with at least some of the time. Her constipation is because the colon does not get the signals from the nerves to contract. It's totally different from the reason for "normal" constipation.
Fibre is a great thing for the colon, but only if you have enough water, and enough movement in the colon. Then it helps things along. But if you're lacking in water or movement, fibre works like a plug. It stops things in its tracks. I think that's what's happening with my daughter. That's why her diet (lots of raw fruit and veggies) had no positive impact, ever, on her colon. That's why she was so severely constipated as an exclusively breastfed baby. Because her colon doesn't move things along as it should.
So what can I do? I honestly don't know. The only 2 things that the pead could advise, was lactulose and polyethlene glycol (in my country, these are things like duphalac, Laxette and movicol/pegicol). Lactulose works beautifully, but not enough. I'm giving very high doses, and getting a 50% result. Movicol works slightly better, but to find the balance between getting things to work as normal, or causing diahhrea is extremely difficult. And ontop of this, Boeboe absolutely HATES the taste. She hates the taste of both movicol and lactulose. But if she can choose, she choose Lactulose. So we try to stick to that. It must be awful for her, drinking so many spoonfuls of something she hates. Daily.
I've resorted to a suppository a few times as well, and it DOES help. But to force your child like that...:( It breaks my heart into a thousand pieces and feels so totally wrong. She's 7! It's HER body! To force things like this...I just don't think it's right. I've done so many things to her over the years. Forced her to have so many procedures and things to try out. It's difficult. So difficult. So we use the suppositories as an absolute last last last resort.
Geewhizz, a whole page full of talking about sh*t. Sorry about that. But as you can see, it fills my days and it's NOT nice. But, there's still MUCH improvement, so I try to hold onto that. The nr 1 accidents is really so little now. In volume, and in frequency! It's happening about every 10 days still. It's as if she can now control it some more. Somehow I still feel as if there's continuous improvement. So I don't want to go to the urologist just yet for medication or botox. I think she needs another few months to see how much control she can learn over the last bit of the bladder contractions. I have much hope left that some day, she'll be totally continent with her bladder.
After the one night time accident, there was none again. So, in 3 months, just the once since the operation! Praise the Lord! Same with the pins and needles. Just the one incident. Falling down/stumbling/bumping toes....still about 3 times a week. Just amazing. When it happens, I still cringe. I still wish there was none, or once every few months like my 3-year old. But so much to be grateful for.
So as you can see, I should not really complain. Not about the little bit of issues we have left. It's just that I struggle, and I'm not patient or kind-hearted when I struggle. And my daughter has had so much impatience from me, it's so unfair.
The speech therapy isn't helping either...:-( We've fallen behind with this so much, and we got some new assignments for over the holiday, that we had to start this daily from this week. Yesterday, she did one assignment where she had to answer 5 short questions and drew 2 easy pictures. It took her 90 minutes! Of which 14 was spent in two seperate timeouts since she gets so tired and upset about it all. This isn't fair. But what choice do we have? It needs to be fixed now, before she's grade 4 with exams and everything. Being slow with it, is no excuse NOT to do it...:(
Apart from these complaints, we're having a lovely holiday at home! Very relaxing. I'll post some photo's later in the week.
Monday, June 27, 2011
Holiday!!!
I'm such a bad blogger! I've been quiet for 3 weeks!!
My excuse: The exam!
I worked soooo hard with Mr N for his exam. I can't believe how much time it takes. For the mother. I have absolutely no idea how a working mommy can cope with the kids' workloads! I had to constantly work with Mr N. Send him to study, then he comes out after 30 minutes all excited "Mommy, I'm done!". Then I question him (which takes anything between 30 to 60 minutes!!!!). Only to realise (to Mr N's horror) that after reading 3 times through your work, you only remembers about 20% of it...hahahaha. Then, sending Mr N back. After another 20 minutes he'll come running out exclaiming that THIS time he knows it. After spending another 30 minutes on questioning him, I send him back. Because lo and behold, he only knows 40% of the work. Hahahahaha. Poor boy. So as you can imagine, it took quite a huge chunk of my time questioning him until he knew it 100%. And multiply that for 9 subjects, and you know what I've done with the month of June!
So yes, it took me hours and hours and hours of questioning Mr N, to help him understand the work and realise what he knows, and what needs more studying. The poor thing really, really, really worked SO hard. Studying every day for 4 weeks! It paid off though. He still hasn't received his rapport (only after the holiday), but so far he has received 93%, 87% and 77%. I'm very chuffed with him. So proud. And he was pleased as a kitten with a plate of milk after he received his marks. Even, or maybe especially, the 77%. Because that's the most difficult, most non-sensical subject you can imagine (economic managing science). And all the kids did quite badly. Mr N's mark was only 3 points lower than the child that did best in his class. So we were quite relieved that he still got such a good mark for it. I was dreading it, because after he wrote, he told me that he mixed 2 questions up. One was 6 marks, and one was 5 marks. That's 11 out of the 30!!!
I just don't know if it's worth pushing Mr N so much. I think next term I'm gonna work more playtime into his schedule, and one day off for every week's studying. It's just impossible to keep going like he did. Although, he LOVED getting those good marks! Right up there with the best in the class, and with his (quite intelligent) 2 best friends! He would've felt so bad if they all did well, and he not.
About Boeboe: Yes, it's going well. Extremely well...:) We had one bad hiccup. She woke me up around 2 months after the operation, one night at 3am. Mommy, I wet the bed. After settling her, I laid awake for 2 hours. Unable to sleep. It was just such a big letdown. Such a worry. But, since then (about 2 weeks now) she's been dry again at night. So I'm breathing again. I just can't describe the mix of emotions I went through. The range of the what-ifs. The psychologist tried to assure me, that this really is it. That I shouldn't despair so much after a hiccup. That I should not fear like I do, every day. That I must accept the results now. But man oh man oh man. We've had soooooo many times that we were disappointed. Living life a certain way for 4 years. It's difficult to shift your mind after 2 months. Sometimes I think I'm gonna wake up, and realise the operation was just a dream. The dream I had of doing it for 18 months. Of finding THE dr that can do it. That will do it. So many, many, many nights I've researched tethered cord until 1am in the mornings. Dreading, but praying, for an untethering operation. I wanted it with every fibre of my being. But I was sooooo scared that my research has diagnosed my daughter. And that I was wrong. What would I have told my husband if I was wrong. When the dr told us directly after the operation that he couldn't cut the filum....that the operation failed...I died a thousand deaths. And I was just thinking....how do I look her and her daddy in the eye. Telling them that I was wrong. Wrong for researching this. Wrong for believing this. Wrong for pushing for this. I've never felt so awful in my life. And then, 4 days later we hear the words that the cord WAS indeed tethered. I'm still too scared to believe that!!! 2 Months down the line and I still cannot believe it. It's too amazing. I so so so so so wish the video machine in the theatre wasn't broken. I would've really loved seeing what happened in that theatre. But maybe, a Higher Hand caused the video machine to break. Maybe, there's some things we're not allowed to see. Not allowed to know. Maybe sometimes....we just need faith.
So yes, except for 1 hiccup with the constipation and encopresis, and 1 hiccup with the needles and pins, and 1 hiccup with the nighttime accident...she's doing so well. Still having 1 daytime accident about once every week or 2 weeks. So about 2-3 times a month. We're entering the 3rd month now, so let's see how it goes. Usually, 3 months is sort of the cut-off point for the most improvements after the untethering operation.
Sometimes, I close my eyes, and I'm just so surprised at how life is turning out. It's so good. So wonderful. I want to grab hold of it and just hold on tightly. Why did Boeboe have to have the tethered cord? I don't know. Such a rare, rare, rare thing to have. Probably one of a handful of people in our whole country to have an occult tethered cord. Why she? And then, I think of how amazing her road has been. In our search for answers. For help. And then, to land up at dr L. Do you know what's sad to me? Last year March, we were referred by the pead to go and see a neurosurgeon. She phoned me. I remember sitting in my car in the children's school's parking lot. Waiting for the bell to ring. I was reading the "Vrouekeur" (a magazine in our country). The pead phoned and told me to go see one of the following 3 surgeons. Dr M, Dr L and another. I wrote them all down on my magazine. On the page I was reading. Staring at them. Then I went to fetch Boeboe from her class (in grade 1 you have to fetch them from the teacher). When we climbed back into the car, Boeboe asked me why I was so preoccupied. I picked the magazine up and showed her the 3 names. I said that her doctor phoned me, and that she thinks one of these doctors may be able to help us. Boeboe looked at the names and said, "Mommy, let's go to that one". And she pointed to Dr M.
Dr M turned out to be the wrong choice. How much time have we wasted? How many many months. At least 6. We should've gone to Dr L then already. I wonder how it would've panned out. Have we made a different choice that day in the car. And you know why Boeboe chose dr M? Because his surname started with the same letter her name starts with. At age 6, that's what attracted her to his name. :(
In the end though, I do believe we walk the path we had to walk. And we had a good ending, so I'm not really bitter about anything. Looking at my daughter, I sometimes marvel at how very very far we've come. With all the medical visits. All the pain. All the embarrassment. All the frustration.
We're also almost done with the psychologist!!! Just one more appointment, after school started again, so that she can just touch base with Boeboe. If all's well, we're done until/if we need her again one day! Whoohoo!!! I'll miss seeing her regularly, and I'll miss bouncing ideas and frustrations off with her. But I won't miss the almost 3k a month!
So, now it's school holidays. Winter holiday. We've waited for this holiday with so much anticipation. Almost 4 weeks of sleeping in. Snuggling under the blankets. Sitting in the winter sun, just reading. Watching tv, playing computer games. And visiting!!! It's only our first week, and we're already fully booked. Today the in-laws that visited over the weekend, left, and we took Mr N for an occupational therapy evaluation (for his terrible car illness). Tomorrow, my nephew and niece is visiting. Wednesday we're going to Spur (local family restaurant with lovely children's play area) with friends, for breakfast. Thursday nephew and niece is visiting again. Friday, a friend is bringing her 3 kids for a visit. So a busy, but exciting week waiting for us!
Boeboe was soooo difficult the past two weeks. We've been hands in the hair with her tantrumming, moaning and crying. Then, on Friday school closed. And guess what? She's been a little angel the past 3 days! Wow. I guess she was just extremely tired. I can imagine. Her term started by getting home from a 5000km road trip and seaside holiday. Then, a few days later, she was operated on. Spending 9 days in hospital, and we all know how much rest you get in hospital! Then her recovery took a whole 6 weeks. Not cool if you're 7. Shortly there after, she had to start with the extra maths, trying to catch up on the school work she missed, and starting the speech therapy (which has ALLOT of homework). No wonder she crashed at the end of term. I just never thought it through. Poor poor little girl. Today, she's having a blast with her brothers. They've played and played and played. Like a little girl of 7 should do. I was thinking of starting her speech therapy again this week, and practising her multiplication tables. But I realise now she just needs time to rest. To completely get over everything that happened to her. She's been such a trooper. At some point though, even troopers have to rest and recover and get their bearings aligned again.
Monkeyman is showing signs of tiredness again. Not too bad. It's such an up and down with him. But he's loving having his brother and sister home with him! And he's getting more fierce now. Not just like a little sheep in the herd, just going with the flow. He's opposing me now when he feels it's warranted (not via tantrums, just saying No, or talking about it). He's dressing himself. He's also much happier. Laughing, being silly, joking around with us. Such a beautiful thing to watch him develop into his own unique personality. I love my calm, sweet, contend little monkey! I've said it previously, but it's just so apt. He's like a calm, deep, slow-flowing river. No upheavals. No upsets. No flooding the riverbanks!
My excuse: The exam!
I worked soooo hard with Mr N for his exam. I can't believe how much time it takes. For the mother. I have absolutely no idea how a working mommy can cope with the kids' workloads! I had to constantly work with Mr N. Send him to study, then he comes out after 30 minutes all excited "Mommy, I'm done!". Then I question him (which takes anything between 30 to 60 minutes!!!!). Only to realise (to Mr N's horror) that after reading 3 times through your work, you only remembers about 20% of it...hahahaha. Then, sending Mr N back. After another 20 minutes he'll come running out exclaiming that THIS time he knows it. After spending another 30 minutes on questioning him, I send him back. Because lo and behold, he only knows 40% of the work. Hahahahaha. Poor boy. So as you can imagine, it took quite a huge chunk of my time questioning him until he knew it 100%. And multiply that for 9 subjects, and you know what I've done with the month of June!
So yes, it took me hours and hours and hours of questioning Mr N, to help him understand the work and realise what he knows, and what needs more studying. The poor thing really, really, really worked SO hard. Studying every day for 4 weeks! It paid off though. He still hasn't received his rapport (only after the holiday), but so far he has received 93%, 87% and 77%. I'm very chuffed with him. So proud. And he was pleased as a kitten with a plate of milk after he received his marks. Even, or maybe especially, the 77%. Because that's the most difficult, most non-sensical subject you can imagine (economic managing science). And all the kids did quite badly. Mr N's mark was only 3 points lower than the child that did best in his class. So we were quite relieved that he still got such a good mark for it. I was dreading it, because after he wrote, he told me that he mixed 2 questions up. One was 6 marks, and one was 5 marks. That's 11 out of the 30!!!
I just don't know if it's worth pushing Mr N so much. I think next term I'm gonna work more playtime into his schedule, and one day off for every week's studying. It's just impossible to keep going like he did. Although, he LOVED getting those good marks! Right up there with the best in the class, and with his (quite intelligent) 2 best friends! He would've felt so bad if they all did well, and he not.
About Boeboe: Yes, it's going well. Extremely well...:) We had one bad hiccup. She woke me up around 2 months after the operation, one night at 3am. Mommy, I wet the bed. After settling her, I laid awake for 2 hours. Unable to sleep. It was just such a big letdown. Such a worry. But, since then (about 2 weeks now) she's been dry again at night. So I'm breathing again. I just can't describe the mix of emotions I went through. The range of the what-ifs. The psychologist tried to assure me, that this really is it. That I shouldn't despair so much after a hiccup. That I should not fear like I do, every day. That I must accept the results now. But man oh man oh man. We've had soooooo many times that we were disappointed. Living life a certain way for 4 years. It's difficult to shift your mind after 2 months. Sometimes I think I'm gonna wake up, and realise the operation was just a dream. The dream I had of doing it for 18 months. Of finding THE dr that can do it. That will do it. So many, many, many nights I've researched tethered cord until 1am in the mornings. Dreading, but praying, for an untethering operation. I wanted it with every fibre of my being. But I was sooooo scared that my research has diagnosed my daughter. And that I was wrong. What would I have told my husband if I was wrong. When the dr told us directly after the operation that he couldn't cut the filum....that the operation failed...I died a thousand deaths. And I was just thinking....how do I look her and her daddy in the eye. Telling them that I was wrong. Wrong for researching this. Wrong for believing this. Wrong for pushing for this. I've never felt so awful in my life. And then, 4 days later we hear the words that the cord WAS indeed tethered. I'm still too scared to believe that!!! 2 Months down the line and I still cannot believe it. It's too amazing. I so so so so so wish the video machine in the theatre wasn't broken. I would've really loved seeing what happened in that theatre. But maybe, a Higher Hand caused the video machine to break. Maybe, there's some things we're not allowed to see. Not allowed to know. Maybe sometimes....we just need faith.
So yes, except for 1 hiccup with the constipation and encopresis, and 1 hiccup with the needles and pins, and 1 hiccup with the nighttime accident...she's doing so well. Still having 1 daytime accident about once every week or 2 weeks. So about 2-3 times a month. We're entering the 3rd month now, so let's see how it goes. Usually, 3 months is sort of the cut-off point for the most improvements after the untethering operation.
Sometimes, I close my eyes, and I'm just so surprised at how life is turning out. It's so good. So wonderful. I want to grab hold of it and just hold on tightly. Why did Boeboe have to have the tethered cord? I don't know. Such a rare, rare, rare thing to have. Probably one of a handful of people in our whole country to have an occult tethered cord. Why she? And then, I think of how amazing her road has been. In our search for answers. For help. And then, to land up at dr L. Do you know what's sad to me? Last year March, we were referred by the pead to go and see a neurosurgeon. She phoned me. I remember sitting in my car in the children's school's parking lot. Waiting for the bell to ring. I was reading the "Vrouekeur" (a magazine in our country). The pead phoned and told me to go see one of the following 3 surgeons. Dr M, Dr L and another. I wrote them all down on my magazine. On the page I was reading. Staring at them. Then I went to fetch Boeboe from her class (in grade 1 you have to fetch them from the teacher). When we climbed back into the car, Boeboe asked me why I was so preoccupied. I picked the magazine up and showed her the 3 names. I said that her doctor phoned me, and that she thinks one of these doctors may be able to help us. Boeboe looked at the names and said, "Mommy, let's go to that one". And she pointed to Dr M.
Dr M turned out to be the wrong choice. How much time have we wasted? How many many months. At least 6. We should've gone to Dr L then already. I wonder how it would've panned out. Have we made a different choice that day in the car. And you know why Boeboe chose dr M? Because his surname started with the same letter her name starts with. At age 6, that's what attracted her to his name. :(
In the end though, I do believe we walk the path we had to walk. And we had a good ending, so I'm not really bitter about anything. Looking at my daughter, I sometimes marvel at how very very far we've come. With all the medical visits. All the pain. All the embarrassment. All the frustration.
We're also almost done with the psychologist!!! Just one more appointment, after school started again, so that she can just touch base with Boeboe. If all's well, we're done until/if we need her again one day! Whoohoo!!! I'll miss seeing her regularly, and I'll miss bouncing ideas and frustrations off with her. But I won't miss the almost 3k a month!
So, now it's school holidays. Winter holiday. We've waited for this holiday with so much anticipation. Almost 4 weeks of sleeping in. Snuggling under the blankets. Sitting in the winter sun, just reading. Watching tv, playing computer games. And visiting!!! It's only our first week, and we're already fully booked. Today the in-laws that visited over the weekend, left, and we took Mr N for an occupational therapy evaluation (for his terrible car illness). Tomorrow, my nephew and niece is visiting. Wednesday we're going to Spur (local family restaurant with lovely children's play area) with friends, for breakfast. Thursday nephew and niece is visiting again. Friday, a friend is bringing her 3 kids for a visit. So a busy, but exciting week waiting for us!
Boeboe was soooo difficult the past two weeks. We've been hands in the hair with her tantrumming, moaning and crying. Then, on Friday school closed. And guess what? She's been a little angel the past 3 days! Wow. I guess she was just extremely tired. I can imagine. Her term started by getting home from a 5000km road trip and seaside holiday. Then, a few days later, she was operated on. Spending 9 days in hospital, and we all know how much rest you get in hospital! Then her recovery took a whole 6 weeks. Not cool if you're 7. Shortly there after, she had to start with the extra maths, trying to catch up on the school work she missed, and starting the speech therapy (which has ALLOT of homework). No wonder she crashed at the end of term. I just never thought it through. Poor poor little girl. Today, she's having a blast with her brothers. They've played and played and played. Like a little girl of 7 should do. I was thinking of starting her speech therapy again this week, and practising her multiplication tables. But I realise now she just needs time to rest. To completely get over everything that happened to her. She's been such a trooper. At some point though, even troopers have to rest and recover and get their bearings aligned again.
Monkeyman is showing signs of tiredness again. Not too bad. It's such an up and down with him. But he's loving having his brother and sister home with him! And he's getting more fierce now. Not just like a little sheep in the herd, just going with the flow. He's opposing me now when he feels it's warranted (not via tantrums, just saying No, or talking about it). He's dressing himself. He's also much happier. Laughing, being silly, joking around with us. Such a beautiful thing to watch him develop into his own unique personality. I love my calm, sweet, contend little monkey! I've said it previously, but it's just so apt. He's like a calm, deep, slow-flowing river. No upheavals. No upsets. No flooding the riverbanks!
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