Just living life :-)

I've started so many posts on here the past month or so, but never finished them. I have so much to say, but don't know what, when or how much to say. I'll get to that over the next few months, I'm sure. Sometimes I need time to work things out for myself first, before sharing any thoughts.

So for now, I'll just give a quick update on how it's going. In one word: Well. Let's start with Boeboe. A week ago, she laughed and laughed with her little brother about something, and it ended in an accident. I tried to remember when the last one was, and I couldn't. She doesn't always tell me these days, but mostly, it seems to be anything from 2-4 weeks! And almost always, it's when she either laughs, or plays, or doesn't run to the bathroom the moment she feels the urge. Unfortunately, she will still have small, sudden leaks. She's started to resort to wearing mini pantyliners for those days when it's bad. Seems like it's more comfortable now that she's physically growing bigger. She definitely went through a growth spurt just before the operation. No wonder her function went downhill so fast from January till March. With a tethered cord, when you have a growth spurt, it stretches the cord even more, causing more damage to nerves. Thus...loosing more function.

I'm having so much hope in me that in time, she will gain more and better control, and that she can maybe even become continent without any more medical help. For now, I'm just giving her time. If needed, I'll consider the botox again. But for now, I really don't think she needs it. She copes just fine with what she's dealing with at the moment.

With number two, it's going almost as well, but not quite. A friend told me about a magnesium product, and it works extremely well for Boeboe's constipation. Which keeps the accidents at bay. It's absolutely amazing and wonderful. She hates to drink it, but gosh, it works so so well. No cramping like the lactulose, no side effects. Awesome! Unfortunately, she still haven't regained full feeling back yet, and I don't think she ever will. So there's still weekly accidents. But the difference is that she HAS regained SOME feeling. So for today, I don't want to complain about what we still deal with. It's just so much better than in March.

The only complaint I have with Boeboe at the moment, is her legs. It's really worrying me, and I'm somewhat upset. I feel a bit lost and unsure what to do. She keeps on tripping. As she steps and swings her foot through, the toes drop and scrapes the ground. Then it kinda gets "stuck", which cause the top part of her foot to scrape. She lost so much skin in this fashion a few weeks ago, that it took about a month for the wound to heal. It was deep. And it bled and ache allot. Every few days. She had such a hard time, that she cried and pleaded with me to help her so that it never happens again. I told her about braces, but also mentioned all the negatives of that (hot, chafing, can't run, etc.) She was desperate enough to say she doesn't care, as long as she doesn't have to hurt any more. But now, about 2 weeks after the wound has healed (though the scar is still fresh), she's feeling less anxious and doesn't want the braces anymore, LOL. Typical child.

But it did bring it home to me, that she's suffering and finding it difficult. And that she expects me to help her, and I don't. I feel so guilty! And helpless. :-( What can or should I do?

She also complains alot these days about her legs aching. She also complains that her legs is "tottering". Not sure if that's the correct word? (Google translate provided it, LOL). In Afrikaans, we say that her legs "swik". It means it gives in underneath you. It doesn't bear your weight. It seems to be her knees?! Which is strange. It used to be her ankles, so I'm not sure what's going on. She even mentioned 2 weeks ago that she told her teacher that her legs are so sore, that she couldn't sit cross legged with her friends. Her teacher fortunately allowed her to sit in a way that was comfortable to her. This bothers me. My daughter is not the type to try and be "obvious". She's an introvert, and would rather hide, disappear, than stand out. So to speak up, means her legs really had to be achy. So what do I do about this? If it was a daily thing, of course I would've gone back to the drs, but it will happen for weeks every day, and then weeks will go by with relatively few incidents.

OK, so enough complaints about Boeboe. I'm really in a good mood today, and doesn't really want to complain! :-) Apart from all her legs/bladder/bowels issues, it's going very very well with her. She doesn't even need to see the psychologist anymore!! And I can SEE it. She's happier, more confident, more contend, more prepared to "live life" and do things that needs to be done. Like homework, etc. We still have daily tantrums, but we're able to nip it in the bud by sending her to time out, and now it's working. So happy with that. She's doing well in school, getting good marks and pleasing her teacher. She reads much better, and she's doing very well in her spell tests. Even better than her brother used to do! So our fears about her has been calmed down. So much. She has a whole group of friends to play with, though she still, to this day, misses her best friend sooooo much. This friend moved away during grade 1, and we only get to see them about 3 or 4 times a year. Still, she calls this friend her "best friend". Very sweet.

So on to the next one. Let's take Mr N. Ai, this boy of ours, he's such a pleasure. Such a good boy. I sometimes feel so guilty when I listen to other people's sons. Yes, our son will forget about homework, or rush it off, or not give me the letter his teacher handed out, or think playing the computer is more important than bathing, etc. He's quite normal, and all boy. But such a good, responsible, kind, wonderful boy to have! I think he'll make a wonderful husband one day. Although...he's lazy! Hahahaha. His poor wife is going to have all her days to get him to help her. Oops.

Anyway, at the moment, he's still just 10, so I have time to work on him. :-) For now, he's just so good. He does so well in his schoolwork. He's in the top 10 for his grade!! OK, he's 10th on the list, hahahaha. Out of over a 100 children. But what makes us proud, is that he's the only boy on the list!! So, technically he's about first out of 50 boys. ;-) So cool. He was sooooo chuffed with himself. It really brought it home to him WHY he studies so hard. He really gives it his all.

He also qualified to write the finals of the Maths Amesa competition, which is a national mathematical olympiad in our country. And he got silver for the final! They were only 4 grade 4's chosen in his school for the final. We were so proud of him. Apart from academics though, he's doing really well. He loved the cricket season, and was chosen for the first team for the last game of the season, which was awesome. He did extremely well with his class in the Eistedford competition for recorder practice, and really loved participating in this. I'm quite amazed, because if there's one thing Mr N can NOT do, it's sing! But, fortunately it seems it's only extended to his voice. He can at least play an instrument. I'm so happy for him. He's also doing so well socially too. Something that has last happened in his grade R year.

A few weeks ago, Mr N went with the Gautrain (public transport train) to watch the 20/20 cricket of the Proteas (our national team) against the Australian team. It was a real nailbiter game, which we won against all odds! I'm sooooo jealous for not being there! They had so much fun, such a good time. Perfect father and son bonding time, and his eyes were just alight when he got home.

So, moving onto the last one. Monkeyman. He too, is doing good. We had his teeth fixed under anaesthesia a few weeks ago. It looks so good! No vampire look anymore, LOL. I'm so so so glad we had it done. The following morning, he came running to me (after apparently looking in the mirror), screaming "mommy, the teeth now looks like my other teeth!". It wasn't the words, but the wonder and surprise and happiness on his face, that made me realise what a big deal this was. We never realised that he noticed how he looks. I mean, he's THREE! But clearly, it has been a good thing. Even though it cost us 10k, LOL. (That's about 1000 pounds). Fortunately our medical aid (medical insurance cover) paid about 3/4s of it. So worth it. They took the little roots out, pushed in tiny pins, and built new teeth all around the pins. It looks really, really well. Just normal. A normal little face with a normal little smile now. :-) Not that it came easy. It was especially difficult (like always) to hold him until he sleeps from the gas mask. Fortunately, the anaesthetist and dentist are both exceptionally good with children, and in their jobs. I hate walking out of a theatre, leaving a child of mine alone on there. But, it went as good as it possibly could. He didn't cry much, and was out so quickly. Before he could really get scared, he was out. The anaesthetist is really kind. She lets me hold him in my arms, close to my body, while putting the gasmask over his mouth (as close as he will let her). Within seconds he was out, and I put him on the table, while they start setting up the drip and everything. It was a long hour, waiting for them to finish. Another woman kept me company. Her child is in Boeboe's school as well. Her older daughter was there for wisdom teeth removal. It helped having someone to chat to a bit. My husband stayed home with the older two children until shortly before they were done with Monkeyman . He just made sure Monkeyman was alright, then he went off to work while I took all three kids home (it was school holidays).

Monkeyman's still such a quiet little boy. He LOVES playing on the i-pad, and he's really impressing his dad with what he's able to figure out for himself. He's a natural! Clearly also technology-orientated like his brother. Apart from that, he's really loving just playing inside. With his cars, puzzles, etc. I have to force him to get outside somewhat everyday. It saddens and frustrates me. The other two has always loved playing outside. Though, Mr N will also always chose technology above playing outside, but I just put my foot down and he goes. No prob. And then he always has a blast. But Monkeyman...aijaijai, it's difficult these days to get him to play outside! And when he does go, he's back within 10 minutes. Exclaiming that he's done now. That he's tired, and then he lies down. Complaining about his legs aching (see my worry?). Sometimes also about his head or tummy or feet or shins or knees or ankles. So I don't know when it's real, and when not. If I had no history with Boeboe and the real pain she has in her legs, I would've most likely dismissed it totally. But the nagging doubts sits with me. Every day. Monkeyman wakes up regularly (at least once a week) crying about his aching legs. And he'll clutch it/rubs it. So I'm sure it's real. He also complained about his lower back one day, out of the blue. We were in the shops, and I was carrying him, so there was no reason for him to complain, like trying to get out of doing something.

Apart from these things, it's really going well with Monkeyman. He's not enjoying school, so I've stopped it. He just sits on my lap, hiding his face under my arm. He'll talk to the teacher, but if one of the kids just so much as look at him, he wants to start crying! When they sing and dance, he refuse to look and has this terrified look on his face. When they play, he looks at them as if they're little Marsmen. He's never played with any one of them. Not even my friend's little boy, who's his "best friend". He'll enjoy the swings, and some of the art things they do. But that's it. Just not worth my time and effort to take him to school. So I've decided to leave it be, and try again next year January. He's such an easy child, that having him at home with me doesn't bother me one bit. Quite the opposite. I love having him around. Even when I go to the shops or whatever I have to do. He tags along, and it's fine. He's sweet and quiet and such a good little boy. No problem dragging him along with me. It's such a short time, then they're in school and big and all grown up. Having him with me, is just a pleasure.

So ya, it's going well with all three children. So life is good. On the downhill towards the end of the year, exams, Christmas, school holidays, etc. It always picks up speed this time of the year. Weekends gets busy, school gets hectic, functions pile up, etc. But it's fine. In 5 week's time, we're on holiday again!!

A few weeks ago, we had a quick break from school as well. We went to the bush veld for 5 days with family. The children had an absolute blast. Hot water pools, table tennis, putt-putt, long afternoons just chilling and chatting, eating all kinds of junk and snacks, etc. It was bliss. So I'm really looking forward to the December summer holidays. 5 Weeks of no extra-mural activities, no school, no homework, no exams, no Sunday school, no early mornings, etc. etc. etc.

I wanted to put up some pics, but things on our computer is in a bit of a mess, hubby had to redo Windows. And I don't have the photo's on my laptop. Will post some on another day. I'll try to remember to add one of Boeboe's back. It really looks good. A thin, white, little bit crooked line down her back. Clearly visible, but amazing how it healed in just 6 months time. So so so so so worth it! I put bio oil on, in the hope that it'll give her an even less visible scar down the years, though I'm sure it won't be a too big deal in the end. She'll always remember what the scar gave back to her. Something much more important than a blemish-free skin.