PART X: My Promise

Here is a quick recap for those who skipped some of my history parts or those that starts reading from here. 

I was given prophetic dreams, and a "knowing" of certain things, like how long my mother would live, from the time I was age 5. At age 10, God spoke to me for the first time, outside of His Word or through people, events or dreams. Direct sentences to me personally.

In the year 2000 when I was 26, I was called by God, but since I was pregnant, I made a covenant with Him. That if He allows me to just be a mommy until the End is approaching and upon us, I will give my everything to my calling then. God accepted my promise, though looking back, it is easy to see that He used me being a mommy, to already start training me for the skills I would need. 

Shortly after the birth of my eldest, my mother passed away after an illness. It was just like I was told as a child, at the age I knew she would leave us. A few months after her death, I was sitting with my baby of around 6 months old, watching the twin towers fall in New York, USA, on that fatal day in September 2001. And again, that day, God spoke to me. It was glorious to hear His Voice again. He gave me intimate knowledge about my mother's death and why she had to leave earth. This of course eventually gave me peace. I understood. As best as was humanly possible, I understood. But I was also acutely aware of how strange this was. God very, very rarely would comfort someone with such knowledge. Today, I have a clearer understanding of why He had to do it, and why then, as it is actually intimately linked to my calling, and also answered part of the "why me" question. But we'll get to that one day, not now.

So for 16 years I was just a mommy. Then during 2017, towards the end of the year, I felt the same calling, the same pull as in 2000. But this time, it was gentle. Not propelling me, but like a leaf on a river, just slowly taking me along the Path on which I had to step next. I slowly got back into my research. Learning about what's going on behind the curtains. Under the ground. The evil. The plans. The future events. The horrors. The darkness.

 
It took me a few months, probably about 2 or maybe 3, before I realized what was happening. Before I realized and saw God's Hand in it, and noticed the calling again. Around that December of 2017 or maybe January 2018, I fell down and asked Him to please reveal Himself if it was indeed from Him and the calling. If it was time.

 
He did.

 
And I accepted. Loudly and in my heart. As promised, I accepted full heartedly.

 
So you might be curious. How did He reveal Himself? 

Firstly, in His Word. He gave me relevant Scriptures. Confirming that I was called, what my mission would entail and that I'm indeed hearing from Him. 

Secondly, He then proceeded to confirm this by sending several prophets and messengers, confirming the same thing. It's the End, I have a calling, and it is from Him, my God.

And lastly, the most important 2 confirmations which took away all my doubts.

During February 2018, the Lord called me. On my name, shortly after I woke up one morning and was lying in my bed, just thinking about the day ahead (it was a school holiday or my off day or such, and I got to sleep late.) I was called through His Voice. Not in my head. Not in my Spirit. Not in His Word. But with His Voice. Aloud. Hearing it with my ears. Thus, audible.

First, I thought it was my husband or someone else that called me. I looked around, but the room was empty and the children still quiet, presumably asleep. I contemplated this, and remembered that I woke hours earlier when my husband left for work, and fell asleep again. I thus knew, that it couldn't have been him. I also realized the Person called me on my real name, my full name, with which I was Christened. Only my father, sister and brothers call me by that name. All other friends and family call me by a shortened nickname. 

Curiously, I realized that I wasn't afraid. This puzzled me. It wasn't a warning shout or a call for help, it was just as if someone wanted my attention. And I thought, well, a burglar would most likely not know my christened name! I laid down again, and told myself I must've imagined it.

Then I was called again. Aloud, on my christened name. It most definitely was IN my room, the sound coming from the foot end of my bed.

My head snapped up and I scanned the empty room, this time shocked, as clearly it wasn't my imagination. Then, I realised, it was God! And I immediately understood. He was answering my request, to reveal Himself to me, if it was Him calling me. 

And I accepted. I said yes. I guess it happened exactly as it did for Samuel of the Bible. Except that I was much older, not raised as a prophet, and only called twice, not 3x as Samuel was.

Thereafter, about a month later, He gave me another confirmation. I'm not going to describe the message or the whole event, just yet. But it was the Angel of the Lord that came to me. Physically. And Spiritually. Again, I accepted.

I always wondered how it felt when the Angel of the Lord appeared to someone in the Bible. What did they feel? What did they say? What were going through their minds? Were they scared? Frightened? Did they know Who it was? Did they guess? Did their bodies react? Did they stumble over their words? Were they unsure or in awe? Did they know or realize the momentous occasion and how millions upon millions of people would one day read about that exact moment in time? And know about them?

I can answer (in a small way) part of these questions today. Eventually, I will add more detail.

How did I feel? Loved. Very, very, very much loved. Impossible to describe.

What did I say? I asked questions pertinent to what was happening. I found the process curious, fascinating and my scientific mind wanted to understand. 

What was going through my mind? I felt peace. Calm. Curiosity. Wonderment. Awe.

Was I scared? Frightened? Not at first, then only for half a second, when I realized that I wasn't, and logic dictated that maybe I should be! Then I was told not to be scared, and I just wasn't.

Did I know Who it was? Or Guessed? Not immediately, but yes, shortly after I was told not to be scared, I knew.

Did my body react? Yes. It did exactly as it was told to do (for ex. not to be scared). (One day I'll elaborate on this.)

Did I stumble over my words? Our conversation was telepathically, so no.

Was I unsure or in awe? Very very much so. Even just thinking back, I want to tremble.

Did I know it was a momentous occasion? No. Only much, much later. Months, even years later. And still I did not truly believe it until about 3 years later. Even after many confirmations were given. In some way, I don't know if I'll ever fully believe or accept it.

Do I believe other people will one day read about it? Only now, yes. Because of what I'm doing. Writing a testimony that includes that moment...

Do I believe other people will one day know who I am? I don't care. It was a perfect, private, momentous occasion for me. An intimate moment between me and my Lord, and had very little, at that moment, to do with other people. Now that I needed to share it so openly here, and it may somehow become known one day, then so be it. But I have no desire, to be honest. I'm just a scribe, absolutely no Bible character or such. And to be honest, I would've much rather kept all of this private. As it is, I've told very few people. Only my husband, daughter and sister, and my son guessed it from one conversation. And it was years before I was able to talk about it at all. And only my husband and daughter knows all the detail.

 
Shortly after this, all the troubles of 2018 started. I was diagnosed in May 2018 with an autoimmune disease, my youngest daughter had a difficult year at school, my son's health was deteriorating, my eldest daughter was bullied and had to be pulled from formal schooling, and around September of that year, I was told by God through a messenger, that I was going to loose my job. Which is why I knew for certain that I would loose it and told my husband in October already. This of course, then became true in December 2018 when my boss informed me that my contract would not be renewed for 2019.

So during the whole sordid, difficult, awful 2018, some of the most beautiful things also happened to me. God spoke to me, prophesied over me, called me and visited me. He even made the most beautiful, most amazing promise to me during the visitation. An unbelievably good promise. Something I didn't deserve, and nobody would believe me, even if I told them. 

Something momentous beyond my wildest dreams, so much so, that I have trouble believing it myself. Though it was a promise, made to me, by the One that cannot lie and always, always, fulfill all His promises. And if anyone doubts, I can assure them that I do too at times. How can I not? But I'm convinced it's from God Himself, as nobody but God could make me feel so much love, purity, peace, acceptance and light. And He did it exactly as it was described in the Bible. 

It was so much to take in. So overwhelming. Like always, I wondered.... why me? This time, not because of the bad that was happening in my life, but because of the beautiful. Why me? I didn't yet know. I couldn't grasp it all. I still struggle with it, so how can I blame others, if they don't believe?

 
It was around that point, beginning 2018, that I came to learn about the 23 September 2017 sign. I wasn't aware at the time, nor part of the whole “rapture-watching” crowd, etc. I wasn't formally called yet, so I had no idea. Same with when 21 Dec 2012 happened, and everyone claimed it to be “the end”, because of some Mayan tablet. I also then shook my head and said it can't be. Because I knew God will call me BEFORE the “so-called” End, as I still needed to do what He has called me for. 

But clearly, this 23 September 2017 was significant and filled with meaning. And, it was around that time that I actually DID experience the pulling again, slowly, softly, calling me to start the research again. As the “event” appeared in the sky, God's Spirit called me softly. Even though I only realized and noticed what I was doing a few months later! And only questioned God around Dec or Jan 2018. And was only formally called in February 2018 and visitted around end of March 2018. It was all starting. The job I was called to do at that point. Beginning with research.

 
So I delved right into it, as journaled here.