PART IX: My history

So my road continued as a Christian. I never dabbled in other religions or belief systems. I never followed other gods as my Saviour. I was never interested in the occult. I've never touched tarot cards, did a reading, attended a séance, seen a crystal ball or did anything with crystals or figures or such. I stayed away from it all. I did not read other “holy” books or prayed to any other gods ever in my life. I followed Jesus Christ, no other, all of my life. My parents, grandparents and forefathers were all Christians. I lived in a Christian town, attended a Christian school, had Christian friends, married a Christian man, and until around that stage, we had a Christian government. So I grew up in a country with Christian rules and values and morals. I did not know anything else, and had no desire to.

During my university days, I grew even closer to God, through hard times. I got married about a year after I started working. We decided to have a family, but then the whole endometrosis diagnoses happened which I described in Mr N's pregnancy files on this blog. At that point, we decided to go on holiday to make some decisions. It was end of 1999, and we found ourselves watching the firework show as the New Millennium arrived. As I was watching it, I was thinking about the doom sayers. I was working as a Software Developer, so I intimately understood the possible problems of the whole “y2k” issue, and how it really, truly was NOT the End of the World scenario people painted. I knew it wasn't a big deal and everything would be fine. But, I also knew from my understanding from God, that it wasn't time yet. YET is the keyword. Since I was 5, I knew the End was coming. But not yet. Not in the year 2000. So I was watching the fireworks in peace, went to bed and knew we'd all wake up fine. And that the computers would all just continue doing what they were programmed to do. At that point.

About 6 months later though, God's Spirit called to me, and I was tasked to look at what was happening in the world. What I found, shocked me to the core. I suddenly realised the extend of the evil workings. And why so many people thought it would be the end at the turning of the Millennium. I delved deep and learned much. By then, I also fell pregnant. And it all became too much.

Towards the end of that year, 2000, I went onto my knees and cried and told God I cannot cope. I'm pregnant. I'm a young, new mother. I want the best for my baby. And learning about the evil, and their plans and who they are and what they do and will do, was destroying any hope I had left as a new Mommy, to raise my child in a safe and sound and good environment. I just wanted to be a mommy. The best mommy I could be. But I felt so guilty, and torn in two.

So I cried and asked God to help me. To give me time, as only He is capable of. That I understood from I was 5, that I had a calling. And I WILL follow Him and answer my calling. And if this truly is now, in the year 2000, the beginning of the end, and I misunderstood, that He would keep urging me forward in learning all I must. But, if I understood it correctly, and we still have time, to lend me a bit of it to just be a mommy. To cope with that was already hard. And I wanted to do right by this baby, this gift from God. And I couldn't do it with the sword of “End of the World coming SOON” hanging over me.

So I asked God. If we're out of time, urge me to go on. If we're not, if He grants my wish and I can concentrate on the baby, would He please remove that urge from my life and show me I can concentrate on my baby. With the understanding that it's just a reprieve, and at the moment He deems it necessary, that it's getting towards the true real “End”, that He'll call me again, and urge me on again. And when that happens, I promised at that moment, I will give it my all, my everything for Him, and the calling He has placed on my life. If only at that moment, I could first be a mommy for as long as we still have time.

Immediately the urge disappeared. I was given peace and freedom. It was confirmed by Him in His Word thereafter. And I understood, God wants me to be a mommy now. I have His blessing. And that is what I was. Knowing I have a future promise to fulfil. One day.

So for about 16 years thereafter, I concentrated on being a mommy. I excelled in it, I loved it, I was as happy and contend as I could be. Even with all our trials, which is penned throughout this blog from Mr N's birth, right up until 2016 and beyond, I was a happy mommy. I had my life's wish. To marry a good and kind and caring man, and have many babies. What more could I ask?

I've only highlighted some of the events during my childhood and later years. There were many peculiar things that happened later on as well. I blogged about a few of them previously. Like when I fell pregnant the first time, I immediately knew it was a boy, and I knew he would be fine. Even despite the odds, when even the doctors despaired that he'll pull through, I knew he would be birthed alive and well. How? I don't know. I just knew it.

When I was pregnant with my 2^nd, I knew that it was a little girl, and I also knew how she would look around the age of 2. It is all catalogued in my pregnancy journals on this blog. I "saw" her in a vision one early morning. I saw her dark curly, unruly hair. Extremely curly. I saw her huge, dark eyes. Abnormally huge and abnormally dark for brown eyes in a Caucasian. I saw her tiny body. Extremely small and tiny, but in proportion. Tiny arms. Tiny hands. Tiny legs. Tiny head. I also saw her being "dirty". 

When she was born, she had a head full of black hair that started curling by age 1. By age 2, it was extremely curly, falling in "locks" of curls all around her head, impossible to comb or contain in elastics. Her eyes were dark and huge. She was tiny. And one day, she played in the sand, becoming all "dirty" from head to tow, muddy and dusty. Covered in sand, looking up at me with the adorable "dirty" face. And I realised. There. There's the little girl I "saw" I was going to have. EXACTLY as she was on that day, I saw her 3 years before. I was amazed. And humbled.

With my third, I knew I was pregnant the moment conceiving took place. Again, I knew it was a boy and again I knew how he would look, as I had a dream of a little boy, with a mischievous attitude, smiling, sparkling greenish eyes and reddish lips. He was about 3 years old in my dream. When Monkeyman turned 3, he one day did something mischievous, then looked at me, laughing, and I saw what I saw in my dream. That exact moment. That exact little face.

 
When I was pregnant with my 4^th, I thought it a girl during the first term, but Boeboe's constant yearning for a little girl made me worried and anxious, and I started to doubt myself and said it's wishful thinking. Preparing myself that it might be a boy. It turned out to be a little girl. So with her, she was the only one I was never as sure about. I never "saw" her in a dream or vision either. She was a mystery!

I also "saw" other things happen during my schooling years. Things like friends that would move away from the town. Things someone will tell me, then it happened like I saw it. I also "heard" some information. And this all came true, every time, as I was told.

I have to admit, I became lazy, during the early years when my children were little, and our lives were settled into an easy flow of love and happiness, I didn't diligently read my Bible, though I still prayed regularly, and we still attended church. So I slid back a little. I never fell away from God. I didn't stop loving Him or believing in Him ever. I just turned occupied and thus lazy and lacking in my worship. This all changed drastically in 2017, which I'll continue in a new part here: My Promise.