PART VI: My road

So before I explain, I have to go back to 2014. But first, let me apologise. I do not like writing much about myself. About my feelings and my children, yes. But happenings in my own personal life? Not so much. Unfortunately, this is exactly what I have to do, for it all to make sense in the end. The next parts will thus all be about me. Don't worry, eventually I'll move onto what it truly is about, it won't stay about me forever. Please thus bear with me. If you can't, skip these parts or skim over it. 

In 2014, we were looking at different high schools for Mr N for 2015. We decided on one, a public high school, but then my friend asked why don't we attend the Open Day for the high school attached to the primary school she was working at. They were just starting it from 2015, thus a brand new high scool. She wanted to apply as a teacher there. She was already teaching maths at the primary school for a year by then, but were more interested in teaching the older children. And it being a totally new curriculum, Cambridge, was an intriguing challenge for her.

As mentioned, we attended, fell in love with both schools, high and primary, and moved all 3 children to start in 2015. After we were approved end 2014, my friend mentioned to the headmaster that I had the qualifications they were actually looking for, even if I didn't particularly have teaching experience. They wanted someone to teach Computer Science at their new high school. So they invited me for an interview. I have an Honours degree in Mathematical Sciences with Computer Science as a major. But haven't worked in 14 years.

I was flabbergasted about the interview. Anxious. Unsure. Torn apart.

I wanted it with everything in my being, but Peanut was just 2.5 years old!! Then they told me, but she can come along, they have a playschool for little ones up to the year before grade R, and there's about 6 or 7 kids already there. It seemed too perfect. On top of that, they asked if I'd take my friend's primary school maths over as well, while they move her into the high school. I only had to teach grade 7 maths with the grade 8 Computer Science class. Since this wasn't a lot, as there were only one class in each grade, I was employed part-time, with NO extra-curricular responsibilities, and could come and go as I please. Not full day or full morning. Only a couple of hours a day. As long as I was there to teach my subjects at the required times. About 7-8 hours a week.

WOW.

Tell me you don't see God's Hand in all of this?

Because WHAT did I do to deserve that?

My salary wasn't large, but big enough to cover all school fees, especially since we received a discount because I was a teacher there. Again, WOW. So financially we were better off, with no school fees. AND I get to do a part time job of about 10 hours a week (I tended to spend some more on preparing and marking, etc. but basically it boiled down to 10-15 hours a week). On top of being on holidays at the same time as my children, always off on all afternoons with them. They even gave me a desk in one of the offices where I could spend time preparing or marking, and allowed my children to come find me there as or when needed. How perfect it all was.

And a new challenge for me. Just as my last baby was becoming independent of me. I couldn't say no, even if I never intended to put Peanut into a school age 2.5. If it was Monkeyman, I would not have been able to. But Peanut absolutely LOVED it. She was such a social child from the start. She did cry a few times, but since it was such a relaxing environment, I was even able to take her with me to class on such days and just put her in a corner and keep her busy with my i-Pad or colouring or such. The kids adored those days I brought her into class with me, they loved her. Mostly though, she wanted to be with her friends, and her teacher. It was a few meters from my classroom and I could even watch her play from my window when they were outside. How awesome!

It was absolutely, heartbreakingly perfect. And thus, I could only thank God for it.
That was 2015. They pulled me more into the high school for 2016, with then 2 grades to teach, and gave me one of the high school maths classes. So I left the primary school teaching. So me and my friend worked very closely together that year, and I learned so much from her. She was also only employed part time, as she too was actually a SAHM with 4 little ones. 2017 I had 3 grades in the high school to teach, and in 2018, there were 4. Mr N's class was always the oldest class, the icebreakers.

Oh, how I adored teaching. I loved every minute. Especially the Highschoolers. And would ALWAYS be grateful to everyone who made it happen for me. The school. The owners. The headmasters. The teachers. The kids I taught. Their parents. I was in my element. When I was a little girl, all I wanted to do, was teach and be a mommy. Both my parents and grandparents on one side were teachers, as well as some other extended family and forefathers from at least 100 years ago. It's in my blood. But my parents refused to let me study as a teacher. Teaching was an ungrateful job and with my intelligence, they believed I should do something “more”. I listened to them. But when I became a teacher eventually, I realised how wrong they were. THIS was where I belonged. Teaching. I was made to teach. I do not regret studying Computers instead. I also love and adored programming, and would always be grateful that my parents gave me an education after school. Without it, I would not have gotten this perfect teaching job in the end! 

I need to interject here. When I was around 16 or 17, my very good friend made a bet with me. She said I'm going to become a teacher one day. By that stage, my parents had long already said no to that, so I laughed and said no way. She said she will bet me a bottle of champaigne that I will. We made the bet, and after my studies, when I started working as a computer programmer, I always thought, Sisca, you still owe me a bottle of champaigne!! And then... here in my 40's, without even studying it, I became a teacher. Just like she prophecied. Sisca, I was wrong, you were right, and it is me who owes you a bottle of champaigne! I hope to see you some day, to hand over (and hopefully share!) that bottle. 

I quickly became very good friends with the other teachers, from 2015 when I started, even though I don't normally befriend people that easily. Since I worked in both the high school and primary school, I made friends amongst both. But the high school took more time and meetings and working closely together since it was a new start up. We thus became a core group, quite close to each other. We had to figure it out together, with a brand new way of doing things, a brand new curriculum, a brand new school. And brand new high school kids. One of them my son, Mr N.

Peanut most days refused when I was done with my classes, to leave, so I would spend time working in the office until either she was ready to go, or the day finishes for all kids at lunch time. Except Mr N, their day only finished at 4pm, because sports and study classes were included in the day, so my hubby fetched him after work while the rest of us went home around 1pm.

Then, about 2 years after I started working there, the one primary school teacher had a falling out with the headmasters or owners, I don't know the story. She resigned. Then another teacher. She also resigned. And a third. Then, the primary school headmaster itself resigned. Then, it was one of my friends at the high school. Also resigned. Thereafter, in 2018, it was Peanut's teacher. Also resigning, causing Peanut to spin into this spiral of depressing and heartache and hurt. One of Boeboe's teacher's thereafter.

Then, one of my very, very close friends at the high school. He too resigned, with his wife who was also a teacher on the primary school side. I was so sad to see them go. At this stage, the pattern became clear. And he begged me, asked me, please, not you. Don't let them get to you too. I assured him I'll toe the line.

We had a get together outside of the school and some of the old teachers who resigned also came. Peanut's teacher was one of them, and she and another of those who resigned in the beginning also came to me and begged me to keep my mouth, put my head down, don't make waves, don't call out anything, and just be quiet. They were so sad, so broken, so hurt about it all. I cried with them. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. But again I said I'll be quiet. They moved on. Got new jobs. But pain like that stays with a person. We were all so happy there!

But then the target fell on my closest friend, the one who got me the job there. She saw the writing on the wall, realising it was too late for her, and again, she too begged me and told me what NOT to do, and what TO do, to not be “the next”. After her. She too resigned shortly after. Refusing to drag it out, to make it painful. She had other job opportunities and didn't need to stay in a toxic environment. But before she left, she told the one owner exactly what is wrong, who is behind it all, his part in it as she saw it, and what he should've done. She did not keep quiet at all, but spelled it all out. And then she left. Unfortunately, he dismissed all she said. And soon after another one of us left.

And so I was one of the last ones there, after almost 4 years, of our original core group. Three years of absolute wonderment, enjoyment, fulfilment and happiness there. And one year of complete devastation of it all. Like a mountain breaking up, stones falling until just a heap of rubble left standing. Almost all my friends were gone. It was so so sad and devastating. It hurt. Badly. The last 9 months there were a haze of one awful thing after another.

I did try to keep my head down. But then the targeting started. At first, I didn't even recognise it for what it was. The little remarks. The lies about me. The rumours. Things told to parents. To the owners of the school. To other (newly appointed) teachers. The looks I started to receive when walking into a room, knowing they were just gossiping about you, believing the lies told to them.

Then the refusal to help my daughter when she was bullied. And then. This person said things to Boeboe in class that affected my daughter herself (she was one of Boeboe's teachers as well as the newly appointed headmaster of the highschool that year). That was the day I too realised. The writing is also on the wall for me. Touch me, and I can ignore it. But touch my kids, and I turn into a mama bear. I'd rather loose my job than let that slide.

So I threw my toys out of the cot, knowing I was burning bridges this time. It was too little too late, and the end result was the psychiatrist telling us to take Boeboe out IMMEDIATELY. Which removed her as the object of manipulation for this person. It took the wind out of her sails for a bit.

But by then, I knew the road ahead. Which I'll elaborate on further in the next part. I knew my time there was coming to an end. I did not make it easy for them though. ;-)

Unlike my friends and colleagues, I laughed and decided to refuse to resign! ;-) I knew I would loose my job. For a fact, I knew it. I even told my husband around October of that year, that he must be prepared, I'll be lucky if I see December there. But they won't break me. They'll have to kick me out. ;-) Unlike all the other teachers, I refused to resign. I held my head high, knowing after seeing the pattern, that it wasn't me that had anything to feel embarressed about. I did a great job with the kids. the parents were vocal about their thanx and appreciation. 

And I had nothing to loose see? I already took Boeboe out. And I already told them we're going to homeschool the youngest 2. And if needed be, I was prepared to homeschool Mr N as well, and ask his teachers to tutor him weekends, paying them. I was certain it'll all work out. I was friends with most of his teachers, and those who left, and he only had 1 year left. Basically, 6 months of classes before exam preparations started.

It left them floundering. When I didn't resign like a good chastised little girl. :-D
They did not know what to do, at first. But then, on the day the school closed for the year, for our summer holidays, on December the 3^rd, my last day there, I was told my contract will not be renewed. Quite cowardly, don't you think? LOL. On my very last day, within a few hours before we were leaving the city to go to the coast on holiday. What absolute cowards.

But I accepted it. Said goodbye, and decided not to take them to the CCMA (our labour law courts) even though I had a strong case. Reason being? They said they want to keep Mr N in the school and at his current school fee rate (that was already reduced because I was a teacher there).

You may wonder, why leave mr N in such a toxic environment? Well, it was just the 1 person who was truly toxic, but she had the owners wrapped around her finger, up to that point. During our last talk though, the owner said some things, and I realised.... he was waking up to what was happening. It was too late for him and my relationship to recover. We hurt each other too much during the time I was fighting for Boeboe when she was bullied and he believed the other person instead of me, and when he believed that she, that teacher, was “dealing with it” when in fact she was doing nothing about it. So many of the little lies she told, he believed. It destroyed any trust I had in him. My time there was done, we both realised it was for the best. But I could see, he was coming around. He wasn't happy with her that day. At all. And she was loosing some of the responsibilities (and thus power and control) she had, for the next year. Which I knew would offer her less chance to pick on Mr N.

Also, the new teachers in the place of my friends were also good people. Good teachers. And one of them in particular promised to look out for Mr N herself. I knew her mom, she was Monkeyman's one teacher at his old playschool. And she and I were also friends that last year there. She's good people. I knew I could trust her to really look out for him. She understood what happened, and she herself was keeping her distance from the toxic person.

Mr N was also never a target, never a problem, and actually their best candidate. Even that teacher's best candidate in her subject... hahaha. Lastly, he would soon after turn 18. An adult. He was capable of fending for himself, with me keeping a very very very close eye on things. And it was just 10 months left of schooling, then he was done. I believed it would be fine. I spoke openly to him about it all, and also gave him the choice. He wanted to stay.

And despite how it all ended, I remembered what they gave me. I'm, to this day, grateful for the opportunity, for the experience, for the care of my children, for the wonderful environment it was until that last year. I'll always be grateful for the 4 years I worked there. Always. It overrides the ugliness at the end. I loved it all. I loved the kids. I loved the parents. I still miss them!! I left on good terms with the kids and the parents. Almost none of them actually fell for the lies the teacher tried to spread about me, which felt good. I knew I did good by them, the kids in my classes. Their results showed it. But more than that. They did good by me. I learned more from them, than they from me. And for that, I would always be grateful to the school and the owners who gave me a chance, when I didn't deserve it.

And it did turn out fine for Mr N. He had a very good last year with his friends. He wrote his exams (it's external, so not under that teacher's control), got excellent marks, said his goodbyes and moved on with his life. Very successfully.

Shortly after.... things went pear shaped for that woman. From the titbits I heard, it became increasingly obvious to them who and what she were. And in the end, about 2 years after I left, she too resigned. I couldn't feel anything accept a fatalistic: “what you sow, you mow”. It was done. They were out of my life. 

I have long since forgiven them now, because I can clearly see God's Hand working through it all. Making a new way for us. Helping us to find a new, better path ahead. So when the whole lockdowns and mask-mandate happened in 2020, me and my children were completely unaffected as we were long gone from the formal school environment. I was so very very very grateful they weren't in a school during that time, nor were I a teacher during that time. So again I could only be grateful for the years I had there, but also the fact that it came to an end when it did. God's timing is perfect.

To continue here...