So long, 2013. Can you believe it? I swear time is speeding up as time goes by. I'm sad to see the kids grow up, but I'm NOT sad to see the end of 2013. It really turned out to be one of the most trying times in our lives. The pulmonary hypertension really hit me hard. I researched, as I do everything, and it scared the *&^ out of me. So when we got the cardiomyopathy diagnosis, I was numb already. I expected the worst, and I got the worst. Different "worsts", but still. Whatever the method, our child has heart disease. No getting around that fact anymore. It's been diagnosed. With absolutely no hope given for improvement. Just a flatout "No" to the question if there's any chance of healing. Our only hope lies in the fact that whatever the cause, it won't do any more damage, and that his heart would be able to cope with whatever life brings, without failing again like it did after the adenoidectomy, sleep apnea and pulmonary hypertension.. A slim hope. But, hope nonetheless. At least we still have that.
So I don't know if 2014 will be better or not. If we end the year with both Boeboe and Monkeyman given the all clear for any syndromes, chromosomal defects or mitochondrial diseases, I guess we'll be classifying it as a better year than 2013. But if there's more definite diagnoses, like the heart disease, the psychosis, etc. then I'm not sure if we're facing such a great year. But, let's not get worried about whatever hasn't happened. There's more than enough definites to worry about.
2013 wasn't just bad. So much good and happiness too. Monkeyman's social growth was really one of the highlights of my year. It just wasn't easy for him to let go and love other children, school, teachers, everything. But the progress he made in just the last year alone, is remarkable. I'm so happy for him. That he can now go to school, being confident and happy and secure. Knowing that whatever he feels, his parents are there for him, that he can go out into the world and know the people he loves and trust, will always have his back. It wasn't always easy, not with another baby on my hip, but I really tried to give him the security he clearly needed. I also tried to give him all the exoeriences we could cram into the year. Every event at school, every water-day, farm-day, theatre productions, parties, any and everything we could, I let him participate. Even if it meant tagging Peanut along and ending up with a grumpy baby who missed her morning nap. I'm happy that I could do that for Monkeyman though. Due to his social issues, he missed out on it the previous years. And this was his last year in pre-primary. The last time there would be so many events and opportunities. From next year, he's in "big school". Primary school. Only grade R, but still. Much more school-like. Exciting though!
Seeing Peanut grow from a tiny infant into a self-asserting toddler also made 2013 special. She's such a little character. I thoroughly enjoyed her the past year. Usually, I love the 6-12 month period. But with her, I really loved the 12-18 months. She got so much personality. She can be extremely sweet and loving. But she knows what she wants, when she wants it, and why and how she wants it. And she demands it. Though, when we disciplin her or deny her something (like more sweets than what's good for her!), she accepts it after being sad for a short while (literally, like within a few seconds). There really is none of those massive blowouts or crying and crying, like it was with Boeboe. Peanut can move on. Even when we don't understand what she wants immediately, she'll just continue to try and tell us in her way. Not like Boeboe, who got impatient and extremely angry and agitated. When Peanut asks something, and we say no, she realises that we DID understand what she wanted, the answer was just still no. With Boeboe, it was and still is a problem, to make her realise that we understood her, we just didn't agree with her. That it wasn't a communication problem, but a parenting decision.
With Peanut, it was also good to see how this little being that knew nothing except reacting to instincts a year ago, turned into a child that can hold a crayon, drink from a glass, walk on her own two feet, say difficult family members' names, push a toycar or throw a ball. Or care for a doll like it's her own baby, enjoy and return a hug, clap hands and feed herself. Isn't it amazing, what they learn between 6 months and 18 months? Her speech and understanding of speech keep amazing me. She can say so many words, that I've stopped counting. We've long gone since passed 50. She even put 2- and 3-word sentences together. And she can understand complicated sentences, answer questions and follow instructions. It really was a good year, experiencing all of that with our very last little baby.
It was also good to see the growth in Boeboe and Mr N. Getting bigger, taking on more things. Almost kinda "growing into their skin". And to have a whole year with Mr N not on any medication for epilepsy, not seeing any seizures, nothing. That was good as well.
So yes, it wasn't just a bad year. But, overall, I think we'll remember 2013 as the year Monkeyman got diagnosed with two different heart diseases. One he was able to heal from, one not. Let's hope that 2014 will bring answers, but not more problems, more heartache, more difficulties to handle for any of us, most of all, not for any of the kids. Just one easy-going year. For Monkeyman to settle and be happy in the new school. For Boeboe to gain confidence in her academic abilities, and to settle on the medications. For Mr N to enjoy his last leisurely primary school year. And for Peanut to enjoy her last baby days before she's a proper little girl.
Happy New Year!!
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