O please!

That's how I imagine people's reaction to this. The whole pleeaasse drawn out and said in a drawl. LOL.

It's no laughing matter though. But really, I'm sure people will start to think I'm making things up. Or that I look for the next drama around every corner. Or that I'm a total hypocondriac. Or worse even, someone with munchausen. Or munchausen by proxy. I'm sure some will think I'm at least adding a little bit on here or there. Or exagerbating it to make it sound worse. I definitely am melodramatic. I doubt that you can be a writer, and especially a blogger, if you don't have a tendancy to the melodramatics. But I also assure you (for what it's worth), that I'm extremely honest. It's actually one of my less endearing qualities, because I'm a bit TOO honest at times. Telling people what I really think, disagreeing with their parenting styles because I for example don't like to lie to my children. Not even about veggies being hidden in the mince. :-) Hahaha.

So ya, I don't know who will believe this. But it turns out that I'm the one with heart disease/defect (not sure what it's called). I mean, really???

I have no idea how much I've mentioned over the years, about this. So it may all be news, or maybe not. It probably started around early childhood, but my first solid memory of it, that I'm 100% sure of, is when I was 12. I decided to participate in the cross-country, and had to train really hard for it. I started off with 1 km a day. But when I increased it to 2km's, I literally crashed onto my bed when I got home. I couldn't stand, my whole body was quivering, and I just knew if I didn't lie down, something's going to happen. At that stage, I didn't recognise impending fainting. I just knew I was dizzy and the world was spinning and I felt awful. Lying on my bed, it felt like my heart was pounding against my chestbone.

After resting for a while, I was mostly fine. Until I again ran 2km's the next day. And the next time. And the next. So I gave up on my cross country dreams. I believe I told my mom, but she wasn't a very paranoid or anxious mom, so except if we would really complain, she didn't hurry off to the drs much with us kids. I'm sure if I sat her down and told her I believe there's something wrong, she would've. But, being a child, I probably mentioned it in passing, as an explanation of why I stopped my training. I remember that at some point, I asked my friends if their hearts also made little jumps and would beat so hard it feels like it's going to jump out of your chest. They all replied yes, sure - awful, ain't it? I realise now that they probably experienced it when frightened or such, and never had it to the extend I did. So, I wrote it all off as "normal". Even though it probably happened at least once every few months at that stage. And when I trained too hard.

When I was 16, I fainted in class. It was highly embarressing. Dad took me to the dr, and he said low blood pressure! We all accepted that answer, and all dizzyness from then on were wrote off as low blood pressure.

After that first time, I fainted frequently. But at some point, I started to clearly recognise the signs, and knew that as long as I lie down, I can stay conscious. So after that, I rarely lost my consciousness. I still did, probably once a year or so, but I prevented fainting about once a week, by sitting down or lying down if that doesn't work. It became a way of life. My normal.

I tried a number of tips and pills and cures and old wive's tales. Everyone assured me "this will work!", or "that will definitely work!". And no, it didn't. No pills, no bovril in warm water or potato skins helped. Loads of salt did help slightly, I have to admit. Slightly. I always found it curious why effortil or akrinor, the blood pressure pills prescribed in my country in those days, didn't help me like it did other people with low blood pressure.

At some point I had a heart scan and stress EKG. It was normal, so heart was ruled out. We were back to the low blood pressure diagnosis. Throughout the years and numerous pregnancies, things got worse. I started getting mild chest pain and more discomfort. It felt like something's crushing my lungs, at times. That I couldn't breath. When I was pregnant with my 4th, it turned much worse. I fainted in the pharmacy one day. The clinic sister took my blood pressure within a few minutes, and it was normal! She urged me to call my gynae, for the safety of my baby. She wasn't happy with it being written off as low blood pressure.

The gynae sent me for an EKG. It was normal. Again. So we decided I just need to ride it out. After Peanut's birth, it didn't improve. :-( I sometimes felt extremely lethargic, tired, drained. I had to regularly sit down on the bottom shelve of a shop, to prevent fainting. My poor husband has been so kind and patient and understanding. I'm amazed that it didn't irritate the living daylights out of him. I couldn't keep up any more. I couldn't take a brisk walk. I couldn't play running games with my children outside anymore. I couldn't walk around in the mall for more than 30 min before needing to rest. I couldn't stand in queues, or at home, for longer than 5 minutes, or I'd feel faint. I couldn't climb more than 1 staircase without getting so breathless that I couldn't talk. I couldn't climb the 5 steps up my son's bed without having to catch my breath before reading to my son. Sometimes I feel so weak and faint, that instead of the usual 5min, I have to lie down for 30 minutes.

I realised it was all abnormal and couldn't really just be blamed on being unfit or low blood pressure anymore. But at first I was busy adjusting to a newborn baby, having 4 children and finding our new routine. In April last year I went to the dr, and he had no advice but thought low blood pressure. After some tests, I was supposed to go back to him, but the whole pulmonary hypertension thing happened with Monkeyman. So I pushed it to the backburner and concentrated on my son. Around November, I went back. Blood tests were normal. So again I left it. Beginning of February, I decided to tackle it again and went back to the dr. He took my sats and heartbeat, and was a bit surprised when it was high. Resting beat of 106. So he decided to send me for a holter (24hr) EKG.

I got the results yesterday. I have supraventricular tachycardia. I wasn't able to catch all the medical terms, but I think it's not the dangerous type. The dr said it would explain all my symptoms. Apparently, the EKG showed an elevated heartbeat that was abnormal, as well as my heart skipping beats. He prescribed medication that's breastfeeding safe (yay!) and that will help for all the symptoms, by lowering my heart rate.

As I understand it (from googling for a few minutes), my heart fires off confusing electrical pulses. For unknown reasons. It causes the heart to race, and that causes all the other symptoms. Breathlessness, dizzyness, chestpain, lungs feeling like it's being squeezed, etc. I'm so relieved to have a diagnosis, but even more so to have hope for feeling better!!! After suffering with the symptoms for decades. Unbelievable.

So ya, that's why I said you're probably thinking I'm lying about some of these things currently happening to our family. Why would we spend a year trying to heal my son and rule out his heart, and just as we're accepting that his heart is in fact fine, I come up with a heart disease of my own. :-( Honestly, I wouldn't blame you or anyone for doubting this. But, that's my life at the moment. Certainly extremely crazy. And I guess one of the reasons why I now get SVT's (that's what they call the abnormal electrical impulses) frequently every day. Not every couple of months or weekly anymore. Stress definitely worsens this condition, and I've had more than my share of stress the past year (or 3!). I'm just grateful it's nothing too serious. And I have to admit, I can't help but wonder if this could be Monkeyman's problem, afterall? His one cardiologist once muttered about wanting to send him for a holter EKG at some point due to his heart palpitations. When/if we go to the follow up appointment in a few weeks' time, I'm going to ask about this.

In the meantime, he's not doing well. :-( He complains about being really tired in the mornings, though once said it feels like the vitathion we started him on, is helping. I'm not so sure. Either it's helping which allows him to push himself, causing him to be even more tired than usual in the afternoons. Or, it's not helping and he's getting more and more tired as the term progress. End of the week is worse than beginning of the week. Which makes sense. It's just so darn difficult in the afternoons. :-( He cries for no reason, at the drop of a hat, when he's so tired. Today, he lied down on the floor for about 2 hours after school. He doesn't fall asleep, he just seems so drained, physically.

Boeboe and Mr N has started revision for their exam. Groan! Ai, I'm not ready yet. Already can't wait for the holidays!! I'm trying to remember that this isn't an important or big exam, and that I shouldn't drive them too hard in the beginning. I just wish I knew how much is necessary for Boeboe to pass. I don't even care if she passes by scraping through. I just don't want to push her so very, very hard if it's not necessary (yet). Life is already so hard for her. :-(

At least the medication seems to hold steady!! She's definitely calmer and more contend on it. But not that total different person than what she was in the beginning on the risperlet. The zoloft seems to have helped her calm down. She still gets angry, but not as much. She still screams, but not as much.

So that's our news for mid February. The boys had their birthdays last week. I'll post about that, and some photo's, in a day or two.