Just ridiculous!

Mr N's been bitten by a spider. Can you believe this? It's been almost a year since Boeboe was bitten for the first time. This time, this dr are sure it's a yellow sac spider. And it looks remarkably similar to Boeboe's of last year, so that confirms my suspicions that it was a yellow sac that bit Boeboe. A mom's instinct, hey?! Shame, Mr N was bitten during the night. He said he woke up around 4am on Saturday morning, from a severe itch on his knee. He scratched it raw and fell asleep again. Then kinda forgot about it, I think. On Sunday evening, more than 36 hours later, he showed it to us (thank goodness) to ask what it was? It looked like a mosquito bite that was scratched raw. It looked very similar to another (real) mosquito bite about 2cm's from it. He's a bit allergic, so all of them gets swollen. Only thing that bothered me a bit, was that it looked more like a fluid-filled blister than a swollen bite. So I asked my husband (who wakes the kids up and take them to school while I sleep in with the baby) to wake me up if he feels the bite looks any worse the next morning before school. Thank goodness he did, because it definitely looked worse. The blister burst open during the night and was oozing. There was a red ring around it, and looked very, very similar to Boeboe's bite. Expect much smaller and less "angry-looking". And he had no pain from it, unlike she did.

Fortunately, I already had an appointment for myself at our very trusted GP, so I took him with me, prepared to exchange my appointment for him. But the GP was kind enough to see both of us. So Mr N is on a/b's. As far as I can remember, the last time he had a/b's, was when he had scarlet fever, age 10 or 11.

The bitemark isn't as spectacular as Boeboe's. Her bite though, was much larger by the time we took her to the dr. I believe it was 2-3 days after being bitten already. So the damage/infection was much bigger already. Also, I killed a big, fat, huge yellow sac spider a few days after she must've been bitten. In my bath. It was the biggest yellow sac I've seen. Yesterday, a day after Mr N was bitten (and earlier the day, before he showed us the bite), I stooped down to throw a table clothe back on the little tablestand that Peanut has pulled off and left on the floor. When I threw it over the table, I noticed a spider running. On instinct, I killed it. Peanut was standing a metre away from me. Once it was dead, I had a look at what it was, and it was clearly a sac spider, with the black jaws. (*shudder*) But, it was a small one. Very young, not sure if it was even fully grown yet. Anyway, if that's the one that bit Mr N, it makes sense that his mark ends up much less awful than Boeboe's. If a smaller spider has less poison than a huge one.

So here's a few pics I took.

Day 3, just before I took him to the dr.

Day 4, after one day of oral and topical antibiotics.

Day 5, third day of taking antibiotics.

Day 6, today, looks so much better. It's almost healed! Amazing, compared to how long Boeboe's took. So that's been the start to our week.

Boeboe has started with the full dose of medication early this week. I have this sliver of hope that there's IS improvement in her behaviour. I just haven't spent enough time watching her, evaluating her, making mental notes. My focus wasn't on her AT ALL. I feel awful to say this, because I know how important it is. I know. And still, I dropped the ball. I just couldn't cope with this past few weeks. So I'm back on the ball, and from tomorrow I will take more notice, again. Now that Monkeyman's tiredness is back to normal (nothing better), since we've stopped the beta blocker. She told me last night:

"Mommy, while I was doing homework today, there came such a peaceful feeling over me. I felt like I AM going to pass this year."

Wow. How amazing is that? So maybe the full dossage is doing it's work!! I asked her some questions, and it seems like she feels calmer and like how the meds are making her feel, and she feels like it's working. So let's hold thumbs!! It does sadden me a bit though, to realise that she's already anxious about passing this year or not. It's only just started!

I had another wow moment. I'm a Christian. I believe in the Power of God. I also believe in the kindness and love that God has for us. Quite a while ago, weeks or months, I can't remember, I had a moment where I panicked a bit. Boeboe asked me something about "the day she learns to drive". And for a moment, I suddenly wondered if she's ever going to be able to drive. Driving is such a complex, multi-tasking effort, that needs instinct, logic and forethought. Things she struggles with so much. It scared me. Both the fact that she might be in an accident one day, but also if she's going to be able to drive at all. In our country, having a license and owning a car is almost mandatory. Our public transport is unreliable, very unsafe and not available everywhere. It makes life immensely difficult for a person who can't drive. After stressing about this for a while, I pushed it to the side and forgot about it. I never spoke to my friend about it.

A few days ago, I had lunch with her, and she told me that she had a dream the previous night about Boeboe. And she has no idea why, but what she took away from the dream, was that she needed to tell me "Boeboe will drive one day". She doesn't know why she had to tell me this, and it made no sense to her. She just felt the need.

Wow.

I thought that really amazing. Goosebumps amazing. And it comforted me! It's a relief, to believe that Boeboe will drive one day.

I'm currently connected to a holter EKG. The dr believes that I have arrhythmia (spelling??). Not sure from what. But hopefully the EKG will catch any episodes if I indeed does have it. I'll probably only get the results next week. I'm not too worried about it. Though, when I heard I need to do the 24hr EKG, I did panick for a moment. My mind jumped to worse case scenarios. What if I have a heart problem? What if they put me on heart medication and I can't stand the side effects like Monkeyman? What if I have to stop breastfeeding Peanut? What if I'm resistant to all meds like my mom was? What if I die like my mom? What happens to my 4 beautiful, dependant children?? Eish, nothing like a mini-panick attack to think the absolute worse, hey?! I calmed down after a day or so, and realise that whatever I have, I've had it for eons. Well, a looooong time. Some of the symptoms definitely comes from my childhood already. So it's not like I'm just going to peg over and die anytime soon, even if it might be my heart causing it. I think I've just had too many things happening recently. I can't keep a normal, balanced outlook currently. My timing to organise this, really sucks. But I got so out of breath from really minimal (and I do mean MINIMAL) effort like climbing a handful of steps, that I decided I need to get this sorted before it gets even worse. Even though it feels awfully wrong to put my son through multiple heartsonars and EKG's and hear medication and worry so much about him having heart issues, and just as things starts to look up with his heart, I go and complain about mine. And goes for tests and things. :-( Almost as if I'm looking for something to be wrong with someone's heart in my family. Just doesn't feel right. Sigh.