Boeboe

Gosh, I haven't posted much this month hey? After last month, I'm sure you enjoyed the break! I certainly needed one. Just to get some normality back in my life.

So, here's the promised update on my daughter. Where to begin?

She turned 10 a few weeks ago. A whole decade. I can't believe it. Where did the years go? It saddens me. But, seeing her grow up into this beautiful young lady, also warms my heart. She has exceptionally beautiful eyes, skin tone and add to that her thick, luscious black hair, and it's clear that she's not going to be like her mom. I was a bit of an ugly duckling as a child. A wallflower. Always hiding away behind my books. Boeboe, she's beautiful. And it makes me happy for her. Especially with her lack of confidence, it can only help her a bit.

Schoolwise, it was an extremely difficult year. The first term was just the normal adjustment to having multiple teachers, multiple subjects, being more independant, having a much larger workload, a faster workpace, etc. Right from the start though, we realised she's struggling. The adjustment to the teachers went very well, but the work was a whole different ballgame. She used to get very good marks despite her obvious academic problems, in grades 1 - 3. I understood it (why the teachers awarded her efforts), but it made it difficult for me to get her the help she needed. In grade 4, the teachers aren't so lenient, and she fell behind almost immediately. Though, she surprised me the first term by studying hard, and being able to get through the work in the same amount of time as her brother did. Maybe even less. Studying came more natural to her than I thought it would. She was so proud of herself! And I was immensely relieved.

The first exam/test series went very well. She completed all exams in time, got average to above average marks and I sighed a HUGE sigh of relief. Until the June exams (mid-year in our country). O gosh, it went awful. In our country, at the moment, grade 4's have 6 exams to write, of which they have to pass home language which is Afrikaans, English (as 2nd language) and maths. Also, 2 of the remaining 3 subjects (different geography and history, technology and science, cultures and arts with life orientation). Boeboe failed the 3 most important ones. Her languages and maths. Because she couldn't finish any one of them in time. The parts that she did complete, she got between 60 and 90% for, so clearly the only problem was that SHE'S.TOO.SLOW. Sooooo sloooow. Fortunately, her term mark pulled her through in English and maths, but unfortunately not in Afrikaans. She still failed her home language subject, which is an immediate fail of the term. So so so sad. She was devastated, heartbroken and desperate and worried and felt like such a huge failure. My heart broke into thousands of pieces during that time. I couldn't even blog about it. I was just so so sad for my little girl. She constantly questioned herself, and why she's so stupid, so slow, such an idiot, so awful, when her classmates and brother does so well. I had no answers. Inside, I screamed about the why's myself.

She works so hard. She works her BUTT off. She'll easily do 3-4 hours of homework, AFTER going to school for 6 hours. How awful, at age 9??? How bloody darn awful. And unfair. And WRONG. That a child has to work that hard. But she does it. Sometimes she gets upset, sometimes she'll cry and beg me to stop the torture. But most times, she just gets down to it and WORK. Work work work. I've never seen a child work that hard, day after day after day. Mr N never, ever had to work that hard. Quite the opposite. His work ethics lacks seriously, compared to her. But he sails through life and academics, while Boeboe struggles to get mediocre marks. How sad for her. How unfair life can be.

We're busy working with the school on this. The teachers has promised to help from their side, and I already noticed a few small differences this made. And this past test series, she passed all subjects again. She studied her butt off, and I worked my butt off to make summaries of her work for her that narrows it down to the most important bits. She didn't do well in English at all, but it still counted as a pass. Afrikaans went much better. And though she again didn't complete the test in the time given for maths, she still (just) passed. Literally by the skin of her teeth, because she only completed about two thirds of the exam. Fortunately, for that part, she got 75% for her answers.

We've also took her back to the psychologist she saw 2 years ago. She evaluated her, and said she qualifies for extra time during exams, and she'll get the ball rolling on getting a conscession (hopefully) from the department of Education to grant it to Boeboe. Let's hold thumbs the department gives it to her! I'm sure it'll make all the difference in the world. Because Boeboe CAN. She has the abilities, she just lack the speed, drive and maturity. I ALWAYS said that Boeboe should've started school a year late. But her teachers in grade R refused to listen to me, just kept on saying "she's fine". And now I know, for a fact, that it would've made the world of difference to her. Now, it's too late. She fears failing more than anything. I can't keep her back for one year to make her life easier, because emotionally, it might just destroy her. So all we can do now, is support her best we can.

So please think about us in about a month or so's time, when we start with the final exam of the year. Until she has that "pass grade 4" in her hands, we're going to stress. I don't even want to think about the alternative just yet. If need be, we'll deal with it when we get there.

So ya, that's Boeboe's academic and school issues. On to her neural tube defect. Well, I wish I had only good news on that front. Unfortunately, I don't. Something's up, and I don't know what it is. I have this nausea pushing up when I just think about it. I know something's wrong. I just know.

She complains of a number of symptoms. Her back feels like it's too tight. It pulls and that hurts. She says it feels like it's pulling her backwards. I can just cry. I am crying.

Her back aches, her legs aches. Her bladder leaks more. Her nr 2's is still the same. Her feet is still the same. She had 1 nighttime accident a few months back. Something just aint right.

And I don't know what to do. No, that's not true. I know what to do. I don't want to do it. I don't want to face it. I'm playing ostrich, because I just can't, at this moment, handle that as well. Not with trying to figure Monkeyman's issues out. I just can't. I can't. I can't. I can't.

I will. I just need a little time. Then I'll take her for a checkup, and most likely a repeat MRI. Maybe, if we're lucky, it's just scartissue that bothers her. Maybe it'll loosen up in time. Maybe stretching excersizes will help. She told her psychologist that it feels like we're not helping her with the issue. That broke my heart. I'm waiting.... for what? For the signs to dissapear? For confirmation that it's not a fleeting, passing issue? For times to be less hectic? For our ship with treasure to come in? I don't know. I guess I'll have to make some phone calls today. One, to the neurosurgeon's office. I feel like throwing up.

The other sad and difficult thing, is that the psychologist diagnosed her with an anxiety disorder. I'm not ready to go into much deeper detail just yet. We've been referred to a psychiatrist, and he'll give a more detailed diagnosis and probably prescribed medication. I'll do what's needed for my daughter, but the thought of her having to deal with a mental disorder at age 10 is hard. And just thinking about going through the whole ordeal of medication, side effects, adjusting dossages, argh, I can just scream. :-(

This post was about Boeboe only, so I'll create another about Monkeyman at some point. For now, everything about his "case" is put on hold for a few weeks. Currently, he's pretty much the same. Oh, and I'll update the Monkeyman's PH story page as well as soon as I get time.

Here's a few pics of Boeboe's birthday. We handed her her gifts early morning before school (they're allowed to dress in civvies on their birthdays):

She was very excited to get what she wanted, though she thought
she wouldn't get it because it's rather expensive in our country

A camera! Her first real, digital camera. Something not even her
brother has yet. She took it with her to school for the picnic party
she had with her girlfriends during break. I do not put pics up of
other children whose parents' permission I do not have, so I
can't put it on here. Pity. She took really great pics, and had
alot of fun at her picnic party. Her friends made such a fuss
about her.

Monkeyman gave her a soft bunny toy. She wanted it for
literally years! Little Peanut looking on in excitement.