Since we told the children that we're going to have another baby in the house, Boeboe has been adamant that it must be a little girl. She already has 2 brothers, she now also wanted a sister. She prayed for it for months, every night. That God will let this baby be a little girl. She understood that we don't have a choice in the matter, and that it could be either a boy or a girl. When I once asked her if she'll love another baby in the house if it isn't a little girl, she answered: "Of course. It's a baby. I loved Monkeyman even though he was a boy!". And that's Boeboe for you! So it's not that I fear that she won't love the new baby, I know she will. But, for her sake, I've been hoping that she'll get a sister one day. Mine means so much to me, I do believe every girl deserves to have a sister.
So in the beginning of this pregnancy, we assumed it will be for the best if we find out the answer. For Boeboe's sake. But then we started wondering. I sat down with Boeboe a few weeks ago and explained to her that we do have another option. That we don't have to find out the gender. That we can wait until baby is born, before we know. And that it will then be a big surprise.
Well, she surprised me!! She immediately grabbed onto the idea and from then on was adamant that we shouldn't find out the gender. We also told Mr N, who also found the idea intriguing. So, on the eve of my 16-week visit with the gynae, we sat down as a family. Because I have private health care in our country, I get a sonar with every 4-week visit at the gynae, and we knew she'd be able to tell us the gender this time (at 12 weeks it was just too early).
So we needed to decide, will we find out, or will we wait? After some discussions, no one could for sure say yay or nay. Mr N then had the bright idea that we must put it to a vote. He gave each one a piece of paper and we had to write it down. Afterwards, he and Boeboe collected everyone's votes and read the verdict. I was the only one that voted yay!! The rest, all the kids and daddy, voted no! So, that was the final decision. :) We thus have requested the gynae at our last visit to not reveal the gender, and she's taken care to make sure of that. Both me and my hubby has this "suspicion" that it's a boy, but sometimes I'll have this feeling of pink. In the beginning of the pregnancy, I thought the baby to be a little girl. So now I'm not really sure. Not at all. With the other 3 I was quite sure from the start, and right every time. This time, I just don't know!! And it frustrates me, LOL. I loved having that instinctive feeling of what it was, the other times. And I got those feelings before a sonar confirmed it for me.
In fact, with Mr N we didn't find out the gender either! I instinctively knew it was a boy, but we still decided to not find out. And it was lovely! We bonded with baby because it was our baby, not because of a certain gender. We loved him/her for what (s)he is. It really didn't matter to me or my husband. People didn't like it, they tried to convince us to find out. Even now, while we're doing it again, they immediately go into defensive mode and tell us how they had to find out. Because they needed to know for whatever reason. Well, we don't have those reasons! We don't need those reasons. Can't you understand that? Like the gynae said...there's so few things left in this world to be surprised about. Why not enjoy this gift for what it is? I don't have any problem bonding with a genderless baby. Why would the gender play a role there? Well, it doesn't for me. My baby is my baby. I love him or her just as (s)he is. With any faults/abnormalities/issues that may come with the baby. Why would the gender then be a distinctive marker? Well, to me it isn't. Oh, I wanted a little girl! I desperately wanted to have all that pink experiences again. I had the blue twice now, so I wanted the pink again. I tried for a little girl, and obsessed about it. Until I fell pregnant. Then, of course, those feelings mostly fell away. Now, this is just my baby. It doesn't matter who or what it turns out to be. I'll love it fiercly, like all my other children.
So, why do people get defensive about their choice of finding out the gender? Why do they feel the need to immediately reply to my "we're not finding out the gender" comment, to go into elaborate and passionate reasons about why one should know the gender? It has baffled me. Why would my choice illicit such a vehement defence of theirs? It's not as if their choices is going to change my mind?! So could it be guilt? Do they feel guilty for needing to find out the gender? I don't know.
We had both. We had the surprise with Mr N. And we found out the gender with both Monkeyman and Boeboe. And of those 3, the surprise was MUCH nicer!! There was just NO comparison for me. But when I tell people this, they brush it off as clearly not that big a deal. But they don't hear me. It was MUCH nicer FOR US. I'm not saying it should or would be nicer for other people. But WE, we loved the surprise! For US, it was the better deal. Waiting and bonding with our baby for 9 months regardless of who or what (s)he turns out to be, and then hearing that "It's a boy!" yell of surprise and excitement from the gynae....the moment was priceless. Of all 3 my births, of all the thousands of little moments that made the 3 births special, that's the one that stood out for me. And I want that again.
Yes, I voted to find out. Because I'm human and wanted to go buy a pink or blue babygrow and blanket. But I'm happy that I was veto'ed. That we get to have this surprise again. Yesterday, I took Boeboe shopping and we had a look at the baby clothes. We bought a few non-gender specific white things, and she was loving every moment. But she did say, oh, how will we be able to wait!! Because of all those beautiful little pink and blue babygrows....ah, bliss. I just told her we'll come and shop as soon as baby was born. :) And we'll buy all the pink or blue we want. In the meantime, white, yellow, lime and peach will have to do. She was satisfied with that. So, for now, we're only shopping for a few newborn babygrows. Most of what I need, I'll get after the birth. Fortunately I don't need much. We have loads of clothes in the cupboard from Boeboe and the boys, and we have all the baby stuff like a pram, a stroller, a cot, a camping cot, a carry cot, a donut, a babygym, carseats, a bumboseat, a seat to clip onto our table, sheets and other bedding, etc. We don't need much for this baby, except a few toiletries, newborn nappies and of course I want a few new newborn outfits for in the hospital. And just because I can. :)
Now, we have to wait for our little suprise baby in less than 5 months...can't wait to hear the gynae's voice yelling "It's a boy!" or "It's a girl!". :)
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