New to blogger!

So I've reached my limit of how much I can take. I've never been the most patient person, and the site where I hosted my first try at a blog, has let me down. Severely. So I'm moving...to blogger! It's going to take a while moving my posts over, precisely for the reason I'm moving. Because I cannot get onto the server where my blog is! About once a week I succeed in getting on...:-(

So in the meantime, I'm going to start posting on here. Moving the older posts as and when I can log onto the other server.

This has been a trying week. Not just of my patience! We've all had a stomach bug. It started with the youngest 2 kids, an hour apart from each other. Around midnight on Tuesday. Thursday I started, a few hours after me the eldest had it (of course again just after midnight!), and a day later my husband. LOL. What a week! I'm still not through all the washing created by especially the youngest two. Little monkey threw up a full 9 times, in the space of 4 hours. As you can imagine, I was knackered. So going into my own bout of the virus, I had less than zero reserves. That's why it took me about 4 days getting over it.

But we're all better now, and ready to face what the week may bring!

It's going okay with Boeboe. The timer didn't work, she got tired and obstructive and negative with it. In the end refusing to use it. She tried, but couldn't wait more than 1 or 2 minutes before having to run to the bathroom. She just couldn't push longer than her limit. So she's still having accidents. About once a day, though, every now and then there will be a good week, with almost no accidents! So the botox definitely worked, just not as well as we expected or wanted it to. But at least it helps!

School holiday

So we’ve been on holiday for 2 weeks already. Nearly 3 actually. This week, we shipped the eldest two children, Mr N and Boeboe, off to their grandparents. They live about an hour’s drive from us. We’ll fetch them over the weekend again. Our 2-year old, Monkeyman, is missing his siblings quite a bit. But I felt he just wasn’t ready to sleep out, especially not a whole week. He’s still so small, and so attached to me. It’s going well with Boeboe. She’s using a timer, and sets it every time she needs to go to the bathroom. She started off with one minute the first day, then two, then three, etc. before she runs to the bathroom. Thereby stretching the bladder and giving the Botox an even better chance of doing its job. The urologist was positive that this behaviour would help her stop the last accident she still have on some days. Let’s hold thumbs!

Last appointment?

After 8 months of continuous doctor visits and appointments, it seems like we may have had our last one for a while! The urologist is extremely happy with her progress. Instead of 4 or more accidents a day, she’s down to 1 or 2. And the leakage is almost gone. She’s also now dry again at night, after about 3 months of having 4-7 wet nights a week. The urologist said she’s not retaining enough fluid for her to need self catherisation! I’m soooo happy. It was one of my main worries after the botox. That the injections would paralyse too much of the bladder and cause her to retain fluid. The urologist injected 100 units, and said it is a real possibility. The urologist asked us to make sure that she learns now to wait before running to the bathroom. It will stretch the bladder which may improve the last few accidents as well. He’s still sure that after another round of botox in about 6 or 9 months time, she’ll outgrow the bladder problems.
Though, he again mentioned the short filum (tight filum terminale syndrome/tethered cord) and said that it still is a possibility because of her other symptoms. So far, her symptoms are:

• Spastic/hyperreflexive/uninhibited Neurogenic bladder (bladder has Christmas tree shape, with detrusor contractions of over 110) and incontinence
• Constipation and impaction with fecal incontinence
• One leg a tiny bit longer than the other (about 1cm)
• Both feet have high arches (left feet more), though no clawed toes
• Left leg comes out of the hip bone at a tiny bit higher angle than normal
• Leg pain (shins, feet and calves)
• Left foot drop, but only when she’s tired or lazy. It causes her to fall/trip/scrape the toes numerous times a day.
• Left foot turns inwards at the toes a bit (toe-in). Nothing too severe though.

All her leg symptoms are small/tiny/not severe. Just mild. Which makes it difficult to get much attention from the doctors. I feel so sorry for her because she’s always falling and hurting herself, and I can’t help her.
Back to the appointment…the urologist said that I should keep a diary of her leg symptoms and number of times she falls a day. For 6 months, and then come and see him again. He believes that the botox would help for longer than the 6 months, but he wants to keep an eye on her. And then we can talk again about the leg symptoms. He said that even if it is a tethered cord, it shouldn’t do much more permanent damage to wait 6 months. Except if the symptoms gets worse suddenly, in which case we need to follow up asap. But else, we just wait and see. Hopefully he’s right and she’ll outgrow the spastic bladder with the help of the botox calming it down.

One thing that amazes me, is that her tantrums and frustrations have calmed down with the botox as well! A few months ago, I started to wonder if these spasms are painful. And I realised that it may be the cause of her horrible tantrums. It seems I was right, because now that the spasms has calmed down, her tantrums is so much less! Since she’s been 10 months old, she’s been throwing these horrible horrible tantrums that would just go on and on and on… I always thought them a bit abnormal, but everyone else was just suprised that this sweet, tiny, shy little thing is throwing tantrums at all…LOL. Since age 5 I have disciplined her quite hard for tantrums, and now I feel very guilty. Because who would’ve thought that it had a physical origin? The poor thing. I can just imagine how confused, scared and sad it must’ve made her to have all these painful sensations and you don’t know where it’s coming from, why it’s happening or what to do about it. It saddens me no end to think of her as a little girl, being in pain and unable to tell her mommy, and then being disciplined for acting out. How awful.

Urologist visit tomorrow

Boeboe has her check-up with the urologist tomorrow. She received botox injections into her bladder two weeks ago, under anaesthesia. For her uninhibited neurogenic bladder. The doctor is going to check that she’s not retaining any fluid in the bladder after emptying. I’m a little bit nervous, because if she is, it would mean she’ll need to catherise herself. She’s had 2 catherisations before, and both were extremely horrid. She screamed like a banshee that’s being cut into little pieces from the bottom up. With the second one, 3 of us were necessary to pin her down…:-( We were unable to organise a playdate for Mr N, our eldest boy, so he and little monkeyman (the baby brother) will need to tag along. *sigh* Fortunately my husband decided to come as well, so I won’t have to cope with all 3 of them on my own at a doctor’s office.
I’m also going to ask Dr W if the fact that the botox isn’t working 100%, means her neurogenic bladder may not be a developmental problem? I’m still pretty convinced it’s an occult tethered spinal cord. But he’s reluctant to admit it, because her feet problems aren’t “bad enough” accordingly to him. As if falling on a daily basis, isn’t enough…:-( Why do moms these days seem to have to convince doctors that something is wrong with their children? Do they think we want there to be something wrong? Just the thought of my baby having a tethered cord and needing a back operation is enough to make me want to vomit. But should I just leave it be, if that is what I think it is? Because if it is, waiting 2 years to see if botox will “heal” her, could cause irreversible damage…:-(
Well, let’s see what the urologist, Dr W, says tomorrow…

Botox...but isn't that for frowns and wrinkles?

Dr W was very very kind and is a great doctor. By the time we saw him, it was already May. He told us that Boeboe's pressure was so high, no medication would ever help her. And that if we do not help her fast, by age 10 she's going to start learning more control. And instead of the bladder pressure pushing the urine out (causing an accident) it's going to push the urine into the kidneys, causing kidney damage. So we needed to preserve and protect her kidneys.

He said that there could be 2 causes. One is a developmental problem, and then she'd outgrow it after about 2 sessions where they inject botox into the bladder. Secondly, it could be an occult tethered cord. A hidden tethered cord that is not seen on a MRI. For an explanation on what a tethered cord is, read this post: http://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2011/01/tethered-cord-explained.html
Or go to http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tethered_spinal_cord_syndrome or http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/tethered_cord/tethered_cord.htm.

So dr W proposed botox to calm the bladder. It literally paralysis (it's a poison!) the bladder. But only parts of it are injected, so that the rest of the bladder are still able to contract, else self catheterising would be needed. This was done on the 10th of June. Under anaesthesia. It took literally all of 15 minutes! We were so scared and nervous, but she was a trooper. Woke up without any tears, and immediately demanded to stand up and go to the bathroom. The botox immediately stopped all the night time accidents that Boeboe started to have from March 2010. After 3 years of rarely wetting the bed, it became a nightly occurrence. Which stopped the moment she got the botox. Wow. Unfortunately, the botox had less of an effect on the daytime accidents. Only about 50% improvement. Maybe a bit more. It helped, it was worth it. But it didn't work fully.

Monkeyman's birth VI

Once Monkeyman was tucked safe and sound in his crib, sleeping the sleep of the innocent, and I was cleaned up and presentable, Mr N and Boeboe was brought to the hospital to meet their new brother. They adored and loved him from the moment they first saw him!

Meeting Monkeyman

Isn't he the cutest baby ever?

Loving bathtime already

Couple days old and already wide awake!

Getting some gifts from their new baby brother

Me and my 3 gorgeous children

Already in love with my 2-day old newborn

Monkeyman fed every 2-3 hours the first 3 months, and thereafter about every 3-4 hours. He was a quiet, sweet little baby. Rarely cried. He was just fascinated with his brother and sister. Especially his sister's higher little voice. When he heard it, he would kick and wriggle with delight.

Mr N adored his tiny brother

Boeboe just wanted to play doll with him!

Even at only 5 days old, Monkeyman just loved his siblings

I got an infection again in the uterus, but this time antibiotics worked immediately. Unfortunately I also got an allergic reaction to the stitches which took 3 months to heal. At 6 weeks Monkeyman got diagnosed with reflux. The medication immediately took the symptoms completely away. He grew and he became a fat, contend beautiful little baby who met his milestones on time.

He was a tad late with crawling and walking (10 months and 14 months irrespectively) but nothing we worried about.

He was healthy except for getting scarlet fever at 10 months. We had a wild ride with him to the nearest hospital (we were camping outside the city) when we noticed a horrible weird rash on him. He's been having a fever for a few hours, so I worried about meningitis. They drew some blood to rule out some things, and x-rays because he was screaming in pain if anyone just as much as touch his legs (they feared infection in his hips). I asked them to also test his iron, which turned out to be about 1.6!!! Horribly low. He was put on antibiotics, but the hospital's pharmacy was closed (can you believe it!) so we drove off at 10pm at night in search of an open pharmacy. We got completely lost. All the while having 3 very very tired and 1 very very ill child in the car. Fortunately we got back around midnight, administered the antibiotics and within 2 days he was better.

 

After that he was healthy again until age 14 months when he got bronchitis. We thought he was better, although he still had a bit of a cough, but one day he needed x-rays (I thought he may have swallowed a battery, which turned out not to be so). The x-rays showed that he had broncho-pneumonia! So back onto his 2nd course of antibiotics for that. It worked quickly and efficiently.

 

Age 2 he got measles! Even though he had his first injection against it. Fortunately, he wasn't too ill. Just a very high fever for 4 days and then the hectic rash. At least now he doesn't need the MMR injection, which I completely loath to give. Apart from those 3 illnesses, he turned out to be another very healthy child of mine. Like his brother and sister. He is now 3, and just a joy to have in the house. He's sweet, not difficult, rarely throw tantrums. He adores his siblings, and they in turn love him completely.

 

Monkeyman in between Boeboe and Mr N

Cool dude! (Monkeyman age 3)

Monkeyman's birth V

During the night I took some of the pills again when contractions became regular. Every time it worked, making contractions irregular. On Wednesday, I kept on timing contractions all the while going on with life. Fetching the kids from school, visiting with my sister, getting our hospital bags ready and dealing with the builders and contractors. Later on Wednesday, I had the show. The evening and night was rough on me. I didn't sleep much, kept on timing contractions. At 6am Thursday morning, it was 10 minutes apart and very strong. I just knew that this was it. No pill is going to stop these contractions any more. So during the morning, I quickly went grocery shopping for when the in-laws would stay over while I was at the hospital, to look after Mr N and Boeboe.

From there on I went to fetch my husband at work and off we went to the gynae. And as suspected, the little monitor confirmed that contractions was strong and coming every 2 minutes. Nothing was going to stop labour any longer. The strong, burning pain I was getting low on my stomach, was the uterus that started bleeding, most likely along the old caesarian wounds. So baby had to be taken out.

By this stage it was already almost lunchtime. I went home, fetched my bags, organised for my friend to pick the children up from school and off we went to hospital. Contractions were becoming more urgent and stronger. Almost painful...:) It was lovely, to experience all of that again. I really wished that I could deliver normally. But alas, the uterus was already starting to tear and it was only beginning stages of labour. What a pity that someone like me, who do not find contractions really painful, to not be able to deliver normally. While I find the pain of a c-section almost unbearable, but needed them. Ironic.

And then I hit a pathetic anaesthetist! He hurt me so much, administering the spinal. I screamed and I cried. And he said sorry, but he made a botch of that, he'll have to do it AGAIN. And again I screamed and screamed. It was sooooo sore. But, at least the 2nd one worked and immediately my legs went numb. I told the anaesthetist that I'm going to feint. He didn't hear me, and I screamed it at him. Again he didn't hear me. WHY? Because he was busy chatting to the one nurse!!!! So I told my hubby that I'm going to feint NOW. The gynae heard me and interrupted the anaesthetist, who fortunately quickly reacted, injecting me with something that should've stabilised my blood pressure. It didn't work, and he didn't even notice because he was AGAIN talking! So again the gynae called him, telling him and again he injected something. This time it worked and the dizziness got better.

Seconds later the gynae started to cut. She worked quickly, while the anaesthetist had to deal with me being nauseous and feeling totally spaced out and shivering violently. Then, I heard my baby scream. Just once. They lifted him up so that I could see him. It was a boy, and he was fat and white and beautiful. But turned blue and limp as I was looking at him. They handed him to the paediatric nurse who administered oxygen, sucked his nose and throat and then massaged his back. He started to cry. And he cried and he cried. It was beautiful.

Monkeyman gets his first nappy

The gynae told me the placenta was HUGE. Probably due to the baby aspirin. She said that's why I went into labour. There was no space for baby any more with that huge placenta. And she said full-blown labour was imminent, the bottom half of the uterus was thinly stretched. She said I would never have seen another night pregnant. So we did the right thing, doing the c-section.

He was wrapped warmly and put in my arms. So different from my previous birth where I were pushed to my room, all alone. This time, my baby was lying with me, and my hubby walking next to me. I've never been so contend in my life. Until the shoulder pain started. Nothing helped, until they brought me a heating pack. The shoulder pain persisted for about 3 weeks, which was pretty awful. But nothing could bring me down from the high I was on. Baby was beautiful. His blood sugar was a little bit on the low side, but it stabilised by itself within the first day or two. He was healthy, he fed well, he slept most of the time. I loved every minute of being his mom. He weighed 3.06kg, almost 700g less than his brother was, and 400g heavier than his sister.

Monkeyman's birth IV

I was pretty sure the antibiotics helped, but didn't completely resolved the kidney infection. Such a pity. On Monday, I turned 37 weeks, and went to see the dr for a check-up. Baby's stress test looked better, but she sent the urine away for analysis. Like I thought, I wasn't rid of the infection.

On Monday night, precisely 8pm, I got the first contraction. Sharp, strong and pressing the air out of me. I immediately knew it was labour. It was just too strong, too different from normal braxton hicks. I said nothing, since the kids wasn't in bed yet. At 8:30, I had another, and at 9pm another. So it was 30 minutes apart. I told hubby to go to bed, that I'll wake him if anything more happens. I sat in bed reading, timing the contractions. At midnight I tried to sleep, but couldn't. Around 2am that morning, with contractions still only 30 minutes apart, I went to take a bath. It calmed me enough to make me able to fall asleep thereafter. I woke at 6am with contractions coming every 20 minutes. I timed it, but at 8am it went haywire! Suddenly it was every 10 minutes, then every 40 minutes then 20 minutes. I threw my breakfast back up into the loo. Ag, the joys of being in labour...hahaha. I phoned the gynae's office once they opened and the receptionist told me to come in with the next contraction. Which, of course didn't happen! So weird. I still felt “off” though. So at lunchtime the gynae phoned to ask how I am, and told me to come in. It was Mr N's birthday. He had a ball at school. We sent him little packets along to hand out to his friends. Around 2pm his best friend would've visited (with his mom, my friend). So I waited for them, and asked my friend if she'll take me to the gynae. I was again having contractions and feeling super nauseous, so I didn't want to drive myself. So off we went with 4 children in the car. Gynae put me on the monitor and said yes, I'm in labour, but it's still early days. I asked her if it can be stopped, and she said yes, most likely. So she gave me some pills. I was just too scared to have my baby at 37 weeks again. Too scared that his lungs too, would not be ready yet, just like Boeboe's. The gynae thought I was going to go into full-blown labour soon, and that the pills would then not work. But she understood my fear, and besides, it was Mr N's birthday! I wanted them to have unique birthday dates, not share it.

So, back home we went, where my friend visited for another hour or so before heading home. Me and hubby took Mr N and Boeboe off to Spur, to celebrate his birthday. It was difficult, timing the contraction so that I could take a little pill to stop it as necessary, but still be happy and excited for my eldest son. Trying to enjoy dinner all the while being in labour. It's actually funny, thinking back now...:)

Monkeyman's birth III

Just past 32 weeks, baby weighed 2.2kg. I was very happy and relieved about that. The summer heat was starting to get to me. I felt hot and tired and irritated with everyone and everything around me. I've come to the realisation, that it was “good” that I first had complicated pregnancies, and now an uncomplicated one and not the other way round. Only now I realise how really stressful the first 2 pregnancies was. And I would've worried so much more if I knew how it really should've been. How easy and good a pregnancy really should be. I felt like the happiest woman in the world!

At 34 weeks, Monkeyman weighed 2.6kg. Fantastic! Mr N weighed 2.2kg at that stage, and Boeboe was 2.0kg.

The first feelings of fear and worry I had, came just as I turned 36 weeks. I just knew something was wrong. I felt more tired, my back ached something terrible and I felt “off”. Turned out to be a kidney infection and I was put on antibiotics. Baby stopped moving, because the moment he did move, the uterus which were VERY irritated because of the infection, contracted sharply. So baby quickly learned, and stopped moving too much. Poor thing. But quite intelligent...:)

I stopped the aspirin therapy at 36 weeks (so that my blood can thicken up again to handle a c-section) and I couldn't help to wonder if that's why things are going fast downhill now. Dr are worried, and asked me to come in twice a week. She believed baby is going to come early and she asked me to come to her the moment I have any signs of labour.

She put me on the fetal stress monitor, and he was a tad on the quiet side. So she asked me to count his movements. Not again! I couldn't help but feeling stressed about this. Everyone depended on me, to keep baby safe and sound. The doctor, my husband, even Monkeyman! What if I fail again, like I did with Boeboe? With her I thought it was still okay, when she didn't move much. And it wasn't. What if Monkeyman also stops moving and I don't realise it in time?

So I counted his movements, all the while organising Mr N's birthday party. He was turning 7. It was a nice distraction from the worries, and I was surprised when my family and friends threw me a stork party along with the birthday party! It was super nice...:) I never expected it, which made it all the more special. In fact, having more children than the average couple in our circle, meant that I already felt guilty for anyone giving us presents for this baby. So I asked my husband to tell everyone that I do not want a stork party. But they dismissed him, and it was such a surprise. While the men took the children off on a treasure hunt (it was a pirate birthday party!), us women opened all the beautiful gifts.

With the building it was going well. All the walls were up, and the roof was almost done. But, of course they were not going to be finished before the birth. I've accepted it. Such a pity though. Who wants people coming and going in your house, and the hammering and dust of a building site, when you come home with a newborn baby?

Monkeyman's birth II

Nothing! I was so certain that I'm pregnant, how could there be nothing? Just nothing. The seconds ticked on, the minutes went by. Still nothing. It can't be? I was so sure! And then...yes, I was pregnant! The second line appeared. After 3 and a half minutes of agonising wait. Of doubting myself.

I had this contentedness in me. A feeling of peace, happiness and calmness. I immediately knew that everything was going to be just perfect with this pregnancy and baby. I dreamed how he's going to look. He had light, straight hair. A sharp, finely sculptured little face, but very much a "boy's" face. His face wasn't too thin, nor fat. He had a small, straight little mouth with thickish, soft little lips. Red cheeks, wide but thin forehead. A small, thinnish and short little body. He had a happy, naughty little face. A finely intuitive child, with a good sense of humour, and one that wouldn't ever harm anyone else. He was especially in tuned to me and his dad. As if he needed our blessing constantly. He was smiling. A happy, naughty little smile that pulled the soft cheeks upwards.

I was very sure it's a boy. Everything in me knew it's a boy. When I thought of boy names, of blue and green, everything just felt right. When I thought of girl names or pink and softness, I felt nauseous and just knew it was wrong.

We told the children, Mr N and Boeboe. She was only 3, he 6. She just wanted to hold the baby, he understood that it's going to be a long wait. Until he's 7 already.

The first weeks of pregnancy flew by in a haze of nausea and tiredness. I went for a sonar at 7 weeks and we were able to see the little heart beating. At 12 weeks, the gynae did another sonar and told us chances of a down syndrome baby is pretty small. I was relieved. She also determined that the placenta attached to the upper part of the uterus, so we wouldn't have any of the worries we've gone through with the other two with a low-lying placenta. I was very happy about that!

The pregnancy progressed so smoothly. Without any problems or worries. No bleeding, no bed rest, no UTI's, no antibiotics. It was absolutely wonderful. At 13 weeks, I was put on baby aspirin. I had to take a quarter of a disprin everyday, to keep my blood thin and the placenta healthy. It worked beautifully! The placenta grew and the baby grew. The only funny thing, was that the aspirin gave me headaches! Get this...headache pills taken when NOT having a headache, GIVES a headache. Hahahaha. Well, the gynae switched me to ecotrin, another aspirin therapy. It works even better, and no more headaches!

The following weeks went by smoothly. There was just no worries. No UTI's, no contractions, baby grew, I picked up weight, placenta didn't give any problems, baby moved happily. Everything went so smoothly that I couldn't help but just be happy and contend. Except for Boeboe's accidents which just kept on progressing, everything was going well with all my children.

We went forth with the planning of enlarging our home. We got the architect and drew the plans before I even confirmed I'm pregnant. Then the municipality took a whole 3 and a half months to give the go-ahead. We found a builder, paid him the first instalments and he started building just before Christmas.

Building material



Building window-height

Even baby's position was just perfect. Not underneath my ribs like Mr N, and not down low in the pelvis like Boeboe. Both caused severe uncomfortableness. This baby is just there. Happily sleeping a lot, kicking enough but not hurting me and hiccuping just as much as his brother did. Everything was just perfect!
I had such a good feeling about this baby. I'm so happy and contend when I think about him. I know that we as a family needed him, and that he was going to be the middle of our family. The spill around which we're going to turn. I had such a good connection with him already. I knew that he knew me, as I was aware of him. There was such a strong, calm flow of love between us. I just knew that he's going to be a good influence on all of us. Without any upsets.

I kept on commenting on how well it was going with the pregnancy, but it was true and it just amazed me. Some people told me that it was my turn. But I didn't believe that, because then it would've meant it was someone else's turn to have a complicated pregnancy, and I simply couldn't wish that on anyone. So I just enjoyed every minute of having an uncomplicated pregnancy.

Though, even when I know everything was going well, I had this nagging feeling in me that baby was, yet again, going to come early. But it wasn't a fear in me. More like a fact, but not one that scared me. So, even though I believed that he was going to come early, I didn't think he's going to be in trouble, like his sister was.