Birthday Boys!!!

What a hectic few weeks!! Both my sons had their birthdays, and we've had celebrations for about 4 days straight, LOL. It just didn't work out to have their respective parties on their birthdays, so we had 2 days of birthdays, and 2 days of parties. Gosh, poor Peanut! She handled it great, but I felt so sorry for her at times. We just had to be out of the house so much. And she's getting to that age where she mostly wants to sleep in her place.

Poor thing also cut her first 2 teeth! On Valentine's day, LOL. She was moaning quite a bit, and I just assumed it was from tiredness. I tried for hours putting her to bed, but she wanted nothing of that. After a few hours, I asked daddy to take over for a short while so that I could get something to eat and drink. After a while, he called me, exclaiming that she has a tooth!! Wow! She sucked on his finger and he felt it. Earlier the day, she also sucked on one of my knuckles, and there most definitely was nothing yet. So it clearly cut during that time when she was being miserable. I gave her something for the pain once we realised it's a tooth, and she fell asleep immediately. I felt so guilty! I would never have assumed tooth, because all 3 my other cut their first tooth around 9-10 months. Peanut wasn't even 7 months yet! So so sweet. The 2nd one came out two days after the first tooth.

So back to our hectic life. My oldest took some friends to a children-friendly restaurant for his birthday. They had an absolute ball. I can't believe he's 12 now. So grown up! We had some hickups with him backchatting a while back, but we've been very tough on him, so he's now back to being our lovely, obedient, empathatic boy. But I guess that was just the start of what's to come with the teenage years, LOL.

Both boys had a lovely time at the restaurant. They treat birthday kids really special. Then, we also held a school-party for Monkeyman at his school with all his little friends. He felt so spoilt! Got gifts, was made king for the day, everyone wanted to be his friend, etc. Such a lovely day for him. I also baked a tart for the adults, which they all loved.

Then, we started exams. Urgh. It's Boeboe's first exams ever. It's going as expected in some ways, and better than expected in others! She's turning out to be a fast learner! But still makes lots of mistakes when writing things down. She's average, it seems, as we've expected, but able to learn fast. This will be a great trait to have. Coupled with her hardworking attitude, her "push-through" and perservere personality and her will of steel, makes me worry so much less about her than I used to. I don't push her as much as I did Mr N. Because she's putting so much stress on herself already, and the homework inbetween is killing her (and us)! So I find I just cannot subject her to the same rigid schedule I did with him. Pity, because it most definitely would've helped her get better marks. But we just can't do that to her just yet. She works so very very hard. Some days her homework takes her 3 or 4 hours to do! That's after being in school for more than 6 hours, and sometimes having after-school activities as well. Which means, her day is sometimes up to 12 hours long. :-( Impossible for anyone to keep up, let alone a small 9-year old. How sad is life for them these days. And so unfair. Fortunately, this isn't every day. Most days she has about 2 hours of homework. But still, that leaves us no time to study for the tests!!

In between, I've been to doctors and procedures just about every day the past week or so. It's been horribly busy. One visit was for Peanut's 6-month checkup. She was declared healthy and developmentally on par (yay!!). The pead spent alot of time listening to her heart, I almost got worried! But she is fine. She did give us a script for reflux medication. Even though Peanut doesn't get ill, sleep apnoa or looses weight, I complained that her reflux is bothering her these days (painful). So we got the medication for a week to try. She weighs 7.2kg! I'm astonished, because she's a very short little girl (about Boeboe's length). She weighs close to what the boys weighed at this age, far more than what Boeboe weighed. And her head circumference is towards the upper percentiles! It doesn't "look" as big, fortunately. And it grows steady, no sudden jump in percentiles, so I'm not worried.

Here's some pictures of the birthday boys, and how big Peanut's gotten:

Sitting independantly age 6 months

Loving her first doll from her aunt!

Loving Monkeyman

And loving Boeboe

Helping Mr N open his gifts

Opening his own gifts. His face still dirty from the facepainting at the restaurant.

He always wanted a little soccer table

A train cake for his 5th!

Very happy about his cake!

King of the school!

Opening gifts from his friends and teachers

Two sisters in pink dresses

Up to mischieve - she always tries to get the angelcare unit.

My beautiful babygirl

Spider bite at around 4 weeks - sorry it's a bit out of focus

And just for good measure - Boeboe got stung by a bee she stepped on. Not the best of
photo's either. The bite was under the toe next to the little toe - the one that's
swollon and a bit red. The redness spread over half her foot in the end.
And it hurt and itched for about 2 or 3 days, poor thing.

Almost healed!

It's going so well with Boeboe's spider bite. It's almost healed! This photo was taken last night. Approximately 10 days after being bitten, and 7 days of antibiotic treatment. Absolutely amazing, the whole healing process. Isn't the skin and body wonderful?

7 Days of 3 types of antibiotic (1 topical and 2 oral)

Boeboe was a real trooper. Sometimes, she's a little crybaby. If she has a papercut, she'd cry and complain like it's the worst thing ever. And then something like this happens where I can imagine how painful it must be. She couldn't sit on that leg, she had to keep the leg stiff at times when walking, because movement caused pain, bathing was painful, putting the ointment on burned, etc. But she never cried or fought me on anything. She allowed me to treat her, she drank her medicine without complaint and even helped to remind me when I almost forgot. I think she was still scared of the whole thing, and knew that she needed the treatments. Anyway, I'm just very very thankful that she's okay. Both me and her daddy has this huge fear of spiders. My biggest one is sac spiders, and of course, that's probably the one that bit her! When she was 2 years old, she once woke up from a nap. She was still sleeping in her cot. I went to her and bent over the railing to pick her up. As I bent, I saw movement in the corner of my eye. When I looked down, there was a yellow sacspider on the inside of the railing, about 3cm from my face. I yelled, jumped back, then darted forward again grabbing my daughter from an angle away from the spider. By which time her daddy came running in. We killed the spider, but I had this awful awful feeling that she's going to be bitten. So it's almost as if I've waited for this day. I'm so very very grateful that it only happened when she was 9, and could tell me, and fight the infection off.

You might think I felt she's going to be bitten because of the huge fright I had at that point. But I don't believe so. One day, I sat on my bed reading to Mr N. He was also something like 2 or 3 at the time. I picked up a pillow that I've thrown off the bed earlier the evening, and put it behind my back. The open end of the pillow case was at the bottom, pressing against the matress. Unbeknownst to me, a yellow sacspider must've climbed into the pillow case. My movements must've disturbed him, because next moment, he came running out right between my leg and Mr N's leg. I screamed my head off, grabbed Mr N and held him as high as I could, all the while trying to get away from the spider myself. Fortunately, he just ran in a straight line away from us. I was able to kill it, and from that day I always check pillows that laid on the floor when I pick them up. Especially on the inside. Anyway, this happened years before the cot-spider incident with Boeboe. But I never had this feeling that Mr N's going to be bitten. And even a month ago, when we found the yellow sac spider in the clean washing, and it dissapeared from my bed, with Peanut's bed pushed right against mine, I never felt like Peanut's going to be bitten. So it's not just a fear of spiders that caused me to feel like Boeboe's going to be bitten. I think somehow I'm really intuned with Boeboe. It started when she was still in my tummy, and I always knew she's not fairing well, but that she WILL live through her birth and whatever happens thereafter. Same with her backoperation. I had this conviction that it MUST be done.

Anyway, that aside. You'd think like we live in the bushveld with the amount of close encounters with spiders we've had! Especially yellow sac spiders. So you can understand why I hate them so much! Though, it really isn't as bad as it sounds. These incidents happened over a 10 year span. But ya, we do live in a country with some crazy bugs, insects, snakes and animals! Like they say, Africa isn't for "sissies"! (Sissies in my hometongue means timid, fearfull, scaredy-cats!). The school where Monkeyman goes to, is on a smallholding. And a few weeks ago, the teacher killed a rinkhals in her house!!!!! And it's NOT the first snake they've found on the smallholding. So yeah, this is Africa for you!

Spider bite!!!! Eeeekkk...

WHY does everything have to happen to Boeboe?! I don't get it. :-( Well, as you can gather from the title, Boeboe has (probably) been bitten by a spider. We're not 100% sure, because we only took her to the dr about 3-4 days after it must've happened! (Mommy of the year award, I know. *embarressed face-palm*) The dr said that if we brought her in immediately, he could've maybe seen the tell-tale teethmarks (2 tiny bites). But by this stage, the evidence has been destroyed by the infection in the wound. He guesses that it was most likely a spider bite, but it could even be another type of insect, or (unlikely) ringworm, or something like a mosquito bite that she scratched and then it got infected by bacteria. Personally, I think it's a spider bite. We're having way too many of them in the house. I kill them when I see them (sorry, I do). I have an extreme fear of spiders. My sister believes it's because as children we've been traumatised by a mother who found them the most beautiful creatures in the world, so not only did she not kill them, but she actively encouraged them to live in the house with us. She called one particular one in her pantry, her little "pet"! So yeah, I fear them like nothing else. I refused to go into that pantry. Anyway, about a month ago I found a big yellow sac spider amongst the clean washing when I folded it. Unfortunately, it fell down right on to my bed (where I was folding the washing) and it dashed off. I tried to find it. We looked for hours (me, husband and the elder kids). Because baby Peanut's bed is pushed right against ours (like one big family bed) so I was terrified that it would bite her in the night. Well, we never found the spider. Boeboe prayed very hard that evening that God must please help Peanut that the spider does not bite her, or mommy and daddy. Then, on Tuesday, a month later, I found it (I think it's the same one) in my bath! Alive, but stuck, unable to get out. I flushed it. But now I wonder, maybe it was hiding in Boeboe's room all this time, and it bit her, then got into our bathroom overnight, and I killed it.

In any case, it must've happened around Monday I think. Tuesday evening, she asked me to look at this little "bump" she has on her upper back leg, because it hurts. I was busy with Peanut, so I had a quick, hurried look. It was raised, reddish, about 5mm in diametre, and had a scab on the top. It almost looked like a scratched mosquito bite. So I told her I think that's what it is. She told me, "but mommy, I never scratched it". So I said, you probably did it in your sleep without knowing about it. She accepted the answer and darted away. I forgot about the incident! Two days later, on Thursday, she told me "Mommy, my skin is falling off"!! I had a look, and this is what I found:

Day 4 - Starting antibiotics and a topical cream

 

I took her to the dr, at that time of night, and I'm so grateful I did. We got a combination of antibiotics, as well as an ointment to put on. It burns the crap out of her when I put it on, poor thing. The dr says the "rings" (red and white) makes him believe it's a spider bite. The rings apparently grows bigger and going more outward as the infection/poison spread. I heard that spider teeth is full of bacteria, so even if it didn't inject any poison, it could still cause a bad infection. Well, within 1 day of giving antibiotics, the reddish inflammation around the wound is MUCH better, and by 2 days it was gone. This is how it looks now:

Day 6 - Two days after starting antibiotics

Definitely a huge improvement. The poor thing complains that it's still very sore. That middle, yellowish part is very hard, like a crust. I'm wondering if it'll leave a scar. :-( Anyway, what's done is done. I feel awful though, for not having a look on Wednesday how the "mosquito bite" looked. I'm just very grateful that the a/b's seemed to have halt the progress, started to clear the infection, and fascilitated the healing process.

Something else came out during this process. When I saw it, I told her I believe that she might've been bitten by a spider. She was immediately very scared, asking if she's going to die now. (sniff sniff). I told her no, if it would've killed her, she would've been dead already. Because she was bitten at least 3-4 days prior, and she's still fine. So she's going to be just fine. She accepted the answer, but asked what will happen then? I told her most likely we'll need medicine, and in the very, very worst case scenario, they usually operate. She told me "so I'll have 2 operations". I asked why? And she replied that she still needs another back operation. I was astonished, and wanted to know what made her think that? She said the dr said that when she grows bigger, the filum will reconnect/retether, and she'll have to have another operation to cut it. I told her no, she misunderstood the dr. He said in very rare cases, that it is a possibility. But it's so rare, it's not something she should think or worry about. She was very relieved! So I'm kinda grateful this came out. I never knew she was worried about having to go through one of the worst times in her life again. Poor thing!

Christmas pictures, christening and a new school year!

In our country, the school year is from January until December. Summer holidays is over Christmas, so it suits us best. Thus, the children has all started a new school year. So far, so good! I've dreaded it, since Boeboe has started grade 4, which is a big year in our schooling system. Grade R is like Kindergarten in other countries. Then we have grade 1-3 which is called the foundation phase. The children are kept in one class every year, under one teacher. They learn to do basic mathematics, reading in 2 languages, writing in both, and in cursive as well, and they're taught some "life skills", etc. Now, Boeboe is done with those. From grade 4 - 6 is called the intermediary phase, where they start to have different subjects, handbooks in each subject, and write exams in these subjects. Each subject is taught by a different teacher in different classes. They have 7 periods a day, of 45 minutes each, and after each period the whole class moves on to the next teacher's class. This is usually difficult for children, and Boeboe (and secretly me!) feared it. Boeboe's brother told her (typical boy...grrrr) that it's difficult, awful and no fun. I told her don't worry, he's teasing you, it's loads of fun, not difficult and really cool to have all these new teachers. Such a big adventure!! She fell for it, and came back after a few days, telling me how much fun it is and how much she loved this new adventure!! *sigh of relief*

The BIGGEST relief this year for me is that our department has decided to drop their horrible, horrible outcome based education system. After Apartheid was demolished, they decided everything implemented by the hated Afrikaners were absolutely horrible and should be scrapped without futher ado. Well, 20 years later and they realised it actuatlly was a good, working education system, and nothing they've tried since has worked. So, we're back to handbooks and individual performance. Thank goodness. Because the outcome based education SUCKED BIG TIME. Pity though that they haven't decided this at least 2 years earlier, when my poor son started grade 4. Unfortunately, he (and us!) had to suffer two years of OBE. Thank goodness Boeboe didn't have to. Mr N had NINE subjects in grade 4, and had to write 9 exam subjects 4 times a year. The workload were killing us! No 9-year old should study 4 weeks straight just to get through the work, and write 2 full weeks of exams. One subject every day. Four times a year. Thus, for 4 out of 12 months, my poor son had to sit and cram work into his (unwilling) mind. It was absolutely awful.

Now, with the new CAPS education system, we're back to writing only 6 exams!!!!! I'm so so grateful, because I had nightmares, trying to help Boeboe write 9 exams every time! And thank goodness we're back to the handbooks. Because those "learning outcome notes" they've given Mr N with the previous system was abhorrent! It had spelling mistakes in it! Puncuation mistakes! Grammar mistakes!!! It infuriated me that an education department could send work material full of mistakes to learners!

And even worse, it had "life skill lessons" in it. Supposedly to reflect the realities of our country to prepare kids. But they totally lost the plot. We're too diverse, in this country. I live in a culture that's so far removed from a neighbouring town's culture that it's almost like we live in two different countries. For example. I don't know anyone personally who has aids. Chances that someone I know very well will ever get it, is very slim. While amongst one culture in our country, the prevailance is more than 80%!!! Sadly so. Anyway, so in one of my son's "learner's notes" there was the following statements:

In South Africa, parents die from aids.
Children become orphans.
Orphaned children become thieves.

You can imagine my horror, reading this. I asked Mr N how he feels about that. He answered that he was scared. I asked him why? He said that me and Daddy's going to die from aids and leave him and his siblings parentless.

Can you believe our education department?????? Took me quite a while to explain to mr N that we won't get aids. All parents don't get aids. All parents don't die while children are young. Children don't all become orphans. And orphans don't all turn to thievary. After a long talk, Mr N accepted my word that I'm not going to get aids and die tomorrow. And that he doesn't need to fear becoming an orphan. How awful for a 9-year old. I was so upset!!

So you can understand my gratefulness that we're back to using handbooks and not those awful notes. THANK THE LORD.

Well, that ended up being a vent. LOL. Sorry, I only wanted to mention that school has started and it's going well. Even with Monkeyman!! He's going twice a week now, and he's really, really enjoying it! Since he's pre-primary now (grade RR), he's being tutored formally, not just playing. And he's lapping the information up like a thirsty dog! He absolutely loves it. His teacher says he's excellent in maths. So our only concern is that I still can't drop him off while they have "circle" time. Where all the kids sing together while making motions with their arms. For some reason, Monkeyman hated this since he was a baby. When me and the older 2 kids wanted to sing together, or read, he would start to cry. I had to hand him to his dad in the evenings when I put his siblings to bed, because he cried when I read to them!! Or when we sang. Well, for some reason, this fear/revulsion is still there when he's at school. He can tolerate me reading to him now in the evenings at bedtime, but not at school yet! Fortunately, we have a year of playschool left before he starts formal school. He's come a long way since beginning of last year, so I believe he'll be fine. For the moment, I sit with him during circle time, about 30 minutes, then he goes into class and I go home. If this is what he needs, to be okay, then this is what I do. I would love for him to be able to just say "bye mommy!" when we get to school, like his siblings could do at this age, but I'd rather gently teach him what life skills he needs, than force it upon him crying and despairing. I find no need for that, when I'm in the position to be there for my children whenever they need me. Why must you leave a child crying at age 4, just because at age 5 he'll need to be left alone at "big" school? When he's 5, and still isn't ready, then you deal with that. Why force him to be ready at 4, just because he needs to be ready at age 5? I don't understand why children today are pushed and pushed and pushed. Leave the breast at 6 months. Leave the dummy at 1. Leave the bottle at 18 months. Leave mommy at 3. And then they wonder why they can't get their 18-year old kids out of their house!! Because he was pushed and pushed and forced to be independant every step of the way. Instead of taught to be independant by giving him the security he needs UNTIL HE DOESN'T NEED IT ANYMORE. Sorry, 2nd rant over.

It's also going very well with our babygirl. Healthy, happy and suddenly developing at an extremely fast pace! Just 2 weeks ago, I complained that she's far from sitting, not interacting much, not ready for solids at all yet, no interest in it, still have tongue thrust, etc. etc. And suddenly, this past week she's started to sit independantly (only for a few seconds, but still), her tongue thrust dissapeared, she started to put her own dummy in her mouth, looked with interest and longing at our food, started to take an interest in her toys, rolled all over the place, laughed alot, smiled alot, etc. It's such a different baby. She's also at long last dropped her 3rd nap, and is putting herself in a good routine now, which is lovely. So, yesterday, when she turned 6 months, I gave her rice cereal mixed with her breastmilk, and she ate it like a pro! She absolutely LOVED it, and kept on opening her mouth for more! She swallowed beautifully and barely made any mess. It was so cute to see. I couldn't believe how ready she is for food. It was the perfect start! I'm really looking forward to this new phase. Even though that means I'll have to start cooking veg and fruit for her!!

We took some gorgeous pictures this past holiday. Here's some of Christmas, and Peanut's christening:

Our happy-go-lucky little monkeyman

Me and my gorgeous little peanut. She's such a mixture of the other 3 children, but
still her own little unique being.

  

Opening Christmas gifts from friends and family on Christmas Eve



This photo is a "set" together with the next 2. It clearly shows his surprise and absolute
happiness at getting his first ever cellphone. Very unexpectedly! We told him long
ago he can have his first phone on his 12 birthday. But then decided we'll surprise
him, since it's only 2 months before his 12th birthday in any case. He was so
surprised!



You can see the utter disbelief on his face!



Then the realisation and the happiness!

Same here! This wasn't on her little wishlist, so she did not expect it!

But loved it and was sooo happy!

He got the Ben 10 omnimatrix watch he was asking for for months and months!

Happy to get the nr 1 on his wishlist - a Kinect Star Wars game

Something on her wishlist. A pregnant Barbie! It's sooo cute and amazing. It has
a little perfect baby in the tummy, which you can take out. Also came with a
Dr Kevin. Her very first "Ken". She had my old one to play with, but this
was her first brandnew one.
 

The best gift ever. It has an LED screen, with 180 very cute games. Such a gem,
he's been loving it eversince!

Peanut opened her own gifts! She got so excited and pulled the paper apart, kicking
and laughing and having the best of times. It was so sweet.

So happy about her big bear. I thought it might scare her, but she immediately
loved it!

 

Even though it's double her size, LOL.

Peanut's Christening.

Boeboe carried her into the church, and felt sooooo proud of herself
and her babysister!

In her gorgeous little fairy dress. She looked too adorable for words! Though
the shoes didn't last, LOL.

 

 

Happy New Year!

Goodbye 2012, hello 2013!!

What a year. And the world didn't end. ;-) For me, 2012 was a good year. A great year, in fact. My last and 4th baby was born. Safely, healthy and perfect. My second daughter. How happy can one be? Sometimes I think I'm ontop of the world, there's nothing more that could make me happier. And then something happens. Something like the birth of a child, and I realise now I'm as happy as one can be! It was a beautiful year. The first half was spent in a haze of nausea, but it was all worth it. Every second of 9 months of nausea. I see so many people comment online that "now their family is complete". That's how I feel. At long last, I can say that in all honesty. I have the children I wanted. I'm done with pregnancy and babies and having more children. Because I'm happy with those I have. I'm satisfied. I'm complete. I'm so so so grateful that I too could say that and mean it. I think if given unlimited funds and health, I could've and would've had more babies. But for what I was given, I'm very happy and grateful to have 4 children. And two of each. How blessed am I!

So 2012 was a good year. At the end of 2011, I was tired. I was nauseous. I was done for. The pregnancy came too quickly after Boeboe's operation and the 2-year long road I had to travel to get to that point. Even though 2011 was a good year, and turned out well, I couldn't face it. I couldn't see it and deal with it. But now I can. I can look back at both 2011 and 2012 and realise we had 2 good years. We have so much to be thankful for. Four healthy, beautiful, exceptional children. Each with their own difficult paths that they had to travel. But we travelled it step by step, with God as our lead, and we ended up in green pastures. I'm so thankful. For Boeoboe's operation. For the success it was. For the seizing of Mr N's epilepsy - holding thumbs! So far so good. Three months without medication and no seizures that we've noticed. For Monkeyman's improvement of school. For Peanut's birth. So much we're grateful for in 2012.

So what will 2013 bring? I hope it will be a quite year. An easy year. A non-medical year!! A year where we won't need to see specialists and doctors and hospitals and such. I know it's not possible. Boeboe and Peanut both need regular check-ups. But as long as it's just check-ups and nothing more. We can only pray and hope and believe that that would be 2013. And we'll take it day by day, enjoy Peanut's first year with her, and be a family of 6!!

I hope that everyone that frequent this blog will also have a wonderful, peaceful and good 2013. Happy New Year!!!

Not much news here. It's school summer holidays, and the kids went to visit their grannies for the week. All but the baby, of course. Sounds like they're having a lovely time! We got their report cards when the schools closed, and they both did really, really well. We're absolutely amazed at how much Boeboe improved. Not just improved, but excelled!!! She especially did well in her maths, which pleases us no end. If you can do maths, you can do anything in life! We're slowly accepting that all our worries about her were unfounded. She just needed time. There was too much pressure on her, too soon. She would've done better earlier if she was in school 20 years ago. But with today's fast pace and work overload, she needed more time to find her feet and get the work under her belt. I'm so grateful. Very very grateful.

Mr N also did well like always. Exceptionally well, and we're proud of him. He studied hard this year. But to be honest, what makes us prouder than his good marks, is the fact that he READS. He read the Harry Potter books in about 1 month, in between the exams!!! So he was only allowed to read evenings and a bit over the weekends when he was done studying. Still, he finished ALL 7 books in little over a month! What's really amazing to us, is not only the fact that these books have a total of over 3000 pages, but it's all in ENGLISH! That means, he read the books in his 2nd language, not his home tongue!!!! Translations of the books are available in his home tongue, but we've always believed it's best to read books (when possible) in the language it was written. So we decided long ago to wait until Mr N can read the books in English before giving it to him. A while ago he read a handful of Roald Dahl books. About 2 or 3 a week. So when he ran out, he asked me what can he read next. I scrolled through my Kindle books and said, well, what about the first Harry Potter? I just assumed it would take him weeks or months, by which time we'd have found some more books for him. Well, a few days later he declared it finished and asked if he could read the 2nd one! I never thought him ready for book 4 or 6 or 7, with all the sadness and violence in the books, but he flew through them and handled everything beautifully. We spoke about it a bit, and like me, the problem with him is that he's visual. He can handle reading the written word, but he can't handle seeing the same thing on TV. I was so happy about this, because I was secretly starting to think he's too sensitive for a boy his age. Now I know, it's just tv that upsets him. Though, now that he's read the books, he can also handle the movies. He just looks away on the worst parts, which is fine by me, since I too look away, LOL!

Monkeyman isn't doing so well. When I took him to the pead a few months back, we made the decision to take him off his reflux medication. He's been on it since he was 6 weeks old. He was never diagnosed via a ph study though. I took him for his 6-week checkup those days, and told the pead that I'm pretty sure he has reflux. Based on our family history of GERD, she put him on reflux meds and he immediately shown huge improvements. Since then, he's been on the medication. But most babies do actually outgrow their baby reflux. We just assumed that he wouldn't, because the elder 2 kids was diagnosed with GERD when they were 4 and almost 2. Which in children means they would never outgrow it. And with my GERD diagnoses, it seemed a given that Monkeyman thus also had GERD and not just baby reflux. Anyway, so me and the pead thought lets see if Monkeyman will be fine without his medication. Unfortunately, he's been off it for about 2 months now, and has had about 4 colds! Very light colds, but still. They all started with a painful throat, his voice croaks and then 2 days or so later he would have a runny nose for a day or 2. Then he'll be over it. So clearly his immune system works well, but the reflux is attacking his throat, making it a weak spot for germs. I'm pretty sure it's the reflux, because he usually gets about 1 or 2 colds a YEAR, and it's now summer in our country, when my children usually don't even get ill. So to get 4 colds in 8 weeks is severely abnormal for Monkeyman. We now have to make the decision to either just put him back on his medication, or give him a ph study first to see if and how bad he has reflux (GERD), or put him through a gastroscopy and check how his throat and stomach valve looks. He's the same age now as what Mr N was when he had his first gastroscopy. I'm loath though to put Monkeyman through yet another sedation. I'm a bit sad that it seems that Monkeyman too will be diagnosed with GERD. My poor kids. :-(

It's going well with Peanut. She still sleeps extremely well at night. Usually she has a 6-hour stretch, then a 3-4 hour stretch, then another 2 hour stretch at night. Bliss!! During the day she would mostly sleep well, but sometimes her naps are cut short and then she'll clearly not be happy until she can nap again. She's rarely difficult though. Even when tired, she would just moan a bit to let you know. She doesn't cry easily. I do try to anticipate her needs though, so she doesn't really have the need to cry. Her cues are very easy to read.

Here's some pics of the last month or so:

My big-eyed baby girl! She's a serious little thing, LOL.

But fortunately she does sometimes share her lovey smile with us!

Sleeping for the last time in her carry cot (in the caravan while we're camping).

Having fun in the sun!

Me and my gorgeous 2 little girls.

Drying off in the hot summer sun.

Our big monkeyman! He loves his glasses...

Boys playing together

Our absolutely gorgeous little "organpipes" (from the tallest to the smallest)

It's Christmas time!!!!

Adoring her little baby sister

Also loving his little sister

My beautiful babies

Mr N in the tree

Best Christmas prezzie I could ever have asked for

A tribute to my mother

I miss my mother. I always miss her this time of the year. Naturally. I wonder if one ever stop missing his or her parents? I was very close to my mom. People tend to think that if you lost a parent, you weren't that close to that parent. Because they can't imagine that it could happen to them. Loosing their parent. So if they're that close to their mom, it is simply unimaginable to loose her. Thus, you couldn't have been that close to yours, because the pain would be too much to bear.

Unfortunately for those that think like that....yes, you CAN be that close to your mom, and still loose her. And yes, sometimes, especially in the beginning, the pain IS too much to bear. But somehow, with the grace of God, I got through it. And still get through it. The pain is never gone. I have acceptance, yes. I don't cry anymore every time I look at a photo of her or think about her. But it's still a hole in my heart. It will always be a hole in my heart. But, 11 years down the line, it's bearable. The missing stays, though. It never gets any better. I still wish I could phone her and tell her about the horrible day I had. Or email her and get that twinge of excitement when I see there's a reply. I wish for her wise words to sooth me, her support to carry me through the hard times.

My mom was a very special person. Yes, I know, everyone says that. But as a person, as a human being, mine was really, really special. She had what we call in my mother tongue, a depth of spirit that was unequaled. I've never came across anyone else that had such depth, such soul, such beauty. She was an intellectual, and she understood human nature like no one else. She had empathy for the worst kind of human beings. Whereas I saw things and people as black and white, she saw them in shades of grey. She understood how I felt, but she had empathy for everyone. Good or bad. She could summarise people immediately and knew where they came from. She understood what shaped people.

These unique abilities made her the perfect highschool teacher. She didn't work in the normal school environment though. She went to teach the poorest of the poor. Communities that had very little to give. Very little support. Very little going for them. And she threw her whole weight behind her job. She gave everything. Her mind, her body, her soul. I can't remember much of the mourning service we gave her after her death. But what I do remember, was the beautiful words that her collegue spoke. You could hear how much he (they) valued her at the school. How much she meant to them. Professionally and personally. And how much they're going to miss her.

My mother loved music. Apart from her family and work, this was her big love. She loved Handle, Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin, Schubart, etc. All the big composers. For relaxation, she would lie down in the afternoons, and for an hour or two, she would put her music on loud and just gave herself over to the music. It calmed her. It restored her soul. I could never get into classical music like she did. Unfortunately. Her other hobby was sewing. She made most of my clothes, and allot of her own. She also loved to study. I lost track with the number of degrees and majors she got behind her name. She loved geography the most. When I think of her, I remember her sitting by her desk, plotting the topography maps laid out. She studied through the post. The number of times I went to her desk to kiss her goodnight.... such bittersweet memories. And flowers. I can't see a beautiful flower, without thinking about my mom. She loved, loved, loved flowers. ALL flowers. She planted as much as she could afford, and tended to them like a mother. She would adorn her home with them. She loved putting welcoming flowers in all the rooms for visitors. When I developed severe hayfever from flowers, she would pick those that affected me least, and put one or two in my room. She simply couldn't NOT welcome me home without a flower in my room.

And the sea. Waenhuiskrans, to be precise. That's where her heart was.

I wish she could see me and my children today. I wish she could hold my babies, and get to know them as little people. See how unique and special they are. She would've LOVED them, I know. She would've most definitely have had a very special relationship with Mr N, because he sees the world like I do, and my views made for lots of interesting conversations between me and my mom. She would've had the same with mr N. She also would've loved seeing Boeboe. My spitting image. How special would that have been for her, to see her own baby repeat in her granddaughter. She would've been so please to see me as a stay at home mom. And even more pleased if she saw I had 4 children. She too had four children. And she always thought that I wouldn't be able to have as many. Because times have changed and all that jazz. She would've loved seeing me defy the odds and be as bold as to go and get what I want. To make my dreams come true. It would've pleased her no end. All that she wanted for us, was that we would've turned out well-balanced adults who live productive and happy lives. It would've made her very proud to see that that was exactly what we all did, in the end. It would've also please her very much to see all of us living so close together as we're doing. To see us support each other, care for each other. She would've loved seeing the bonds that formed between her grandchildren.

I do believe that she's with us, always. That she DOES see them. That she does get to know them, even if it's not with us in body. But in spirit, I know she's with us. I feel her sometimes. And sometimes I can even feel her emotions. I know, that sounds strange. But it's what I feel. I miss her so much. She was my rock, my support. The one person that didn't care what I say or do. That was always there for me. That always understood me. I'm fortunate that my husband and sister covers some of the hole in me. But nothing can ever take her place. I loved her like I loved no other human being for 22 years, until I met my husband and had babies. For 22 years, my mother was my whole world. The horror of loosing her...it left a permanent scar on my heart.

It hurts me to think that one day, my children will also experience this pain. But I hope that like me, they would find peace after their mother's death. That they'd have acceptance. And that they too would think of me with love, respect, longing and a sense of all encompassing support and care. I hope that they'd get over the initial sharp pain of loosing me, and then find solace in the life I lead. That they too would know I was ready. That I had the life I chose. That I was happy and had no regrets.