Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease

No, not the bovine disease! A related, but human disease caused by the coxsackie (who on earth named a virus that - hahahahaha) virus. Yes, we've become familiar with this disease. After 12 years of having kids, this was our first. Apparently, it mostly hits children 5 and under, and 2nd most, children between 5 and 10. Older children, teens and adults very rarely gets it, and if they do, they get it less severe than babies and small children. Interesting, since most childhood illnesses is worse in adults than in the children!

Peanut got it first. We went to about 4 shops in the days before our long weekend away (we went camping). I'm pretty sure she must've picked it up in that time. Fortunately, she didn't have a severe case. She was a bit miserable, couldn't drink for 3 nights (did drink in the day, fortunately), due to an ulcer on the tip of her tongue, threw up once and had the most awful smelling nappies (still have those, yuck!). And the rash, of course. No fever, strangely.

Boeboe got it about 2 days after Peanut, first complaining about her cheek that hurt (from ulcers). Then the rash on her hands and feet. Just a few spots. No fever. Apart from her mouth being really painful at times, a sore throat at night for 3 nights, and difficulty eating and drinking due to the ulcers, she was absolutely fine.

Then Mr N got it. Three ulcers in the mouth, and a rash all over his arms, hands, feet and legs. The rash didn't turn into blisters like some of Boeboe's did. And it dissapeared in less than 48 hours. No other symptoms. Not even a fever either. And his mouth ulcers wasn't as sensitive as Boeboe's was.

It seems as if Monkeyman has been skipped. No symptoms or signs so far. We'll see how it goes the next week. Both me and their dad had sore throats, and I have a few small mouth ulcers (nothing too painful), and a small patch of rash on my one foot. So I guess everyone got it, except Monkeyman! Clearly, whatever ails him, causing the tiredness, doesn't affect his immune system. Thank God for that.

Here's some piccies of how the rash looked on the kids. As you can see, quite different between individuals. I only realised it was HFMD when Boeboe presented with the ulcers in her mouth together with the blisters on her hands. Peanut refused me having look in her mouth, when I thought her lack of drinking at night and her excessive drooling was due to teething. Only once I knew Boeboe had ulcers, did I notice that Peanut had one on her tongue. Poor poppit.

Peanut's arm and shoulder. A short while after this was
taken, her hand was also full of spots. A few which blistered
later on.

A close up of some of the spots. Using a bit of imagination,
you'll notice that some of them are raised, and most has a
pinprick white head in the middle.

Spots on Mr N's arm

Other arm and hand

Knee

Foot (he worked in the garden during the morning, digging
holes for the new irrigation pipes his dad is putting in, so
excuse the dirtiness! The moment we noticed the spots, we
stopped his working in the garden, and he was so hyped up
about having an excuse to rather play computer games, LOL).

The blisters that formed on Boeboe's hand. She also got them
on her knee and foot, and Peanut got it on her hand. Again,
excuse the muddy hands!

And the very muddy toes! There's a few spots on the one foot
(tiny red pinpricks). But the reason I post this photo, is because
of the abrasions on her other foot. The one on the big toe is
fairly deep. This is typical of what happens to her on a
weekly basis, due to the damage the tethered cord did to the
nerves leading to her feet. It makes her so sad, that she's always
hurting, because of scrapes on the top of her feet. This is
because she drags her foot when the signals of the brain doesn't
reach the foot that it should lift the toes upwards, when stepping
through. It hurts me, seeing things like that on her feet.

Day 30: Lessons learned

I'm sorry, I didn't have time (or made the time) to do this last blog challenge on day 30. So yes, it's the 31st already. Tomorrow, in our country, is the first day of Spring. The children are exceptionally looking forward to it. Clearly, they're tired of winter and being cold and wearing 4 layers over each other. Always putting on socks and shoes, and Boeboe can't wait to wear frilly dresses and skirts again. I'm also looking forward seeing little Peanut in dresses again, especially now that she's walking. Aaawwww. This is why I wanted another little girl. Or at least, one of the reasons. :-)

So about the challenge. I guess the "lessons learned" they talk about, is during the past month, after doing the whole challenge? Well, I learned that it's not impossible to post on the blog (almost) every day! I used to (and will probably continue) to only post once a week or so. I also learned that it's not entirely as bad as I thought, to be talking about myself on here. I can easily relate my feelings, or talk for hours about my children. But listing my "good" points or putting up photo's of myself, or admitting that I have a mole on my cheek for example, those things was very difficult for me. But, I learned that it's do-able, and can serve a purpose. It's good to share. I used to think it's good for the one that shares, to share. It gives them an opportunity to work through some feelings and situations. But, I've now learned (due to other things happening as well), that sharing isn't only about the one that shares. It's also about the one with whom it was shared. The recipient is given the chance to get to know the sharer. The recipient is also given the opportunity to learn, grow, commisserate or understand. The recipient may feel valued, appreciated and important to someone. If we don't share, we take that opportunity away from the recipient.

So I've learned that I should not be so selective with what I want to share (like only discussing the kids, etc.). I have also noticed by reading a number of blogs this month, that I tend to be all doom and gloom. Which is so not me in real life. I think by sharing my worries and negative feelings, I'm able to let them go. Which gives me the opportunity to be the optimistic, happy person that I really am. While other people (with whom I shared), is left with the doom and negativity. Either taking it on, making them feel negative, or by seeing me as an eternally unhappy and negative person. I really am a very happy and light person. I don't have a great sense of humor, I won't be as bold as to claim that, LOL. My husband gets that honor. But I do have an innate positivity in me. Which is why I was able to carry on throughout the whole Boeboe-saga. I never took as much strain as my husband. Probably because I could come onto this blog, and dump all those feelings, so that it doesn't weigh me down. I always knew we'd get there, in the end. Where "there" was, and when we'd get there, were unknowns and scary, but I just knew it would be okay in the end. My faith is very strong in these instances.

So ya, I'll take the lessons I've learned this past month (and years) to heart, and see what changes I can make with the new knowledge I have about myself. I'm proud of having completed this challenge. Because it wasn't easy or natural to me. And at points, it was very difficult to take the 10 minutes to do this. Apart from the challenge, this must've been the busiest month I had ALL YEAR! So as you can imagine, it was challenging. But it was good, and I enjoyed it ALOT. I'm certainly going to join in on other challenges again in the future, or create my own. :-) Thanx for sharing this month with me!

Day 29: What am I looking forward to?

Short term, long term??

For short term, I'd say the weekend. I just want to relax and do NOTHING. The past week we had family staying with us, and I've cooked, cleaned, washed dishes, made coffee, etc. etc. etc. Till I'm ready to drop. And ontop of that it was/is exams, and I'm spending lots of time with Boeboe to get her ready. But that's a whole other post for another time. One day soon, when I have time again.

In the longer term, I'm looking forward putting this whole Monkeyman thing behind us. It's really weighing me down.

I'm also looking forward to all the little milestones we're going to have with Peanut (D.V.). I'm really enjoying seeing how clever our little baby is getting. She's saying so many words, new ones added all the time. When my eldest, Mr N was 14 months, he could only (barely) say 3 almost intelligible words. Peanut says so many, I'm literally unable to count it all. It could be 20, or 50, or even a 100 for all I know, LOL. She picks up new words and sounds very easily. She has also started to walk, so there's loads of new adventures awaiting her (and us), to look forward to.

I'm also looking forward to the summer starting soon. And to the school holidays. And to life just getting easier towards the end of the year. With less afterschool activities, less tests and projects and homework.

And, of course, I'm looking forward to Christmas!! Yes, I know it's barely even September, but like I said, I love Christmas. :-)

In the very very long term, I'm looking forward to my kids all growing up healthy and happy and safely, for them to study something, find a great job, a husband or wife, and to have kids and a wonderful life of their own.

Day 27: Best childhood memory

Oh gosh, this can bring one to tears. I have many, many childhood memories that's competing to be in the first place as "the best". Most of them involve my mom.

I think the one that I misses the most, will be classed as my best. It's not a single memory, but a huge number of similar ones. My mom always went to lie down after lunch during her holidays. Rarely, she'd take a nap. But usually, she would just turn up her heavy classical music, and enjoy it. Sometimes reading.

During the long summer holidays we always went to Waenhuiskrans for 5-6 weeks. It was THE best. Her bed there got afternoon sun, and as you probably know by now, I absolutely adore the sun. So by 3 or 4pm, she would be lying on her bed, looking out of the window, daydreaming. I'd go to her, lie down next to her but on the part of the bed that got sunshine, and we'd just chat and laugh and share. I was able to talk to her about absolutely everything under the sun. Nothing was too embarresing, too personal or too stupid to talk to her about. She rarely told me what to do. But she always had advice, always supported me, and always made sure I knew how proud she was of me.

So those days in the sun, chatting with my mother, is my best childhood memory. As I said, there's loads more, of course, but I won't bore you with them. :-)

Day 26: Favourite Foods

Well, there's a few, but I'm not sure if meals counts as foods? I'm going to assume it's okay. So, my top 10 favourite foods:

1. Fruit, especially watermelon, melon, sharon, grapes, berries, promegranates, citrus, mangoes, prickly pears, etc. I absolutely LOVE fruit.

2. Raw veggies. I don't like veggies much, not cooked. But raw - love it! Not all of it. But carrots, snap peas, avo's, cucumber, lettuce, etc.

3. Chicken curry. Warm, comfort food.

4. Lamb stew. Same, it's warm and comforting.

5. Beef & veggie soup. Cold winter night special.

6. Grilled T-bone beef steak.

7. Bacon. In any way, shape or form.

8. Crisps. Does this count as food? It's made from potatoes or corn, not true? Haha.

9. Biltong and droewors. For those not in South Africa, it's dried, cured strips of beef (or game), and dried pieces of a fattened sausage. Doesn't sound appealing, but it's really, really good, and an all time favourite of most South Africans of my culture.

10. Popcorn. Just plainly salted. Loads of salt, actually.

Day 25: Where am I...

at my happiest?

Easy answer today. At home. Surrounded by my family, or alone, but at home. A close second would be in Waenhuiskrans, in my parent's little beach house. But home is where my heart is. With my belongings around me, my way of doing things. The food I love in the fridge, the coffee I like next to me, the music I like, on the tv/radio.

Day 24 – What’s my favourite time of year and why?

Christmas. Without a second thought. Love it love it love it. Don't care about people's complaints that it's commercialised. Don't care about the hype or the fact that shops put decorations out in October already. Don't care if we spend too much money.

I just love Christmas. It has everything to me. In our country, it's summer. The height of summer, to be exact. It's hot and beautiful weather. It's long school holidays. And I have the most beautiful memories of my time with my mother as I grew up, over Christmases. We always went to Waenhuiskrans, at the coast. Beautiful memories. I wasn't sad much when my dad sold their house. Because to me, my mom's house is the one in Waenhuiskrans. That's where I find her again. I remember exactly where the Christmas tree stood. How it looked. The long walks late afternoon or after dinner. The good meals. The family times.

And most importantly. I'm a Christian, and Christmas is a time for joy. Because we celebrate the birth of our beloved Jesus. I don't care about the origins of where it started or whatever people's opinion on that is. I celebrate the 25th of December as Jesus's birthday. We party for Him. We party with Him. We give gifts to each other, because we can't give something physical to Him, and He loves us being kind and good to each other. We celebrate with family. And we celebrate for 2 days long. We eat like kings. We spoil ourselves. We spoil each other. There's a vibe in the air, everywhere you go. Shops, friends, everywhere. Most of the people in our community/circle, are Christians. We send each other happy sms's. Life is beautiful at Christmas time for us. I make sure that the kids are thoroughly spoiled, at least this one time a year. I save all year long for their gifts. Looking forward to finding each one exactly what they want. And to see their faces lit up. Just absolutely the best day.

Day 23: My most embarrassing moment

OK, I can't believe I'm even posting today's challenge. But here goes.

I've had a number of embarressing moments. But one that still makes me cringe is when I went to the neurologist a couple of years ago. I didn't want to go, I was certain nothing was wrong. But hubby was worried, so I promised him I'll go. It was about skin patches on my hips, stomach, thighs and back that doesn't have feeling anymore. All sensation is lost. I was certain it was due to my 2nd pregnancy, where baby lied from hip to hip. I could feel her pinching my nerves, and permanently damaging it. But ya, it could've just as well been a tumor in my spine, so I went to the neurologist.

Stupidly, I thought of him as a brain doctor, and totally forgot that he'll most likely check the skin out. Well, it's on my upper thighs. And it was winter. And in winter I don't like to shave.

I could've died from embarressment. It was just awful awful awful. My own stupid fault. Never again. The dr itself was obviously not fazed. Very gentlemanly like. And of course, he diagnosed me with exactly what I thought. Nerve damage from pregnancy and nothing to worry about. He did send me for an MRI due to lower back pain, but it was perfectly clear as well.

I still cringe, thinking of that.

Day 22 – My hobbies

I think this one has been covered by some of the previous challenges. I have a few hobbies I love to spend time on, but it's all things that keeps my mind busy. Not my hands. As long as my mind is occupied, and I don't have to do anything with my body, like excersizing, I'm happy. :-)

So basically, I love reading, tv, surfing the net (especially joining in on various forums or researching something) and playing computer games.

Day 21: What do I do...

...when I'm home alone?

Surf the net, play computer games, watch tv, listen to music - while I drink a cuppacino and eat something. :-)

Day 20 – My biggest accomplishment

Well, firstly the corny answer, again, would be my children. Each one individually. Being able to carry them to term, especially the first two when no one thought they'd make it. Raising them to be the wonderful little human beings they are today. And advocating for my daughter when she needed me to.

So, if I'm not corny, what would my biggest accomplishment be?

I think I'd say my 2 degrees, and getting them cum laude. I didn't do well in my first term in univarcity. I was lonely, scared, lost-in-the-city. The world was suddenly such a very, very different place, and not one I liked very much. But, then I started to get the hang of it. I made friends, I started to "belong" to a similar like-minded group, I got to know the work-pace, the lecturers and life in a hostel. I started to find the work very interesting and loved learning. Still hated exams, LOL. So in the end, I was able to drag my marks up and finished my degree with marks I could be proud of. I wasn't ready to stop learning yet, so I got some bursaries, a temporary job and paid my own way through my honors degree, also finishing it with a good final mark. I still think of my uni days with fondness and longing. I met my husband there, which turned out to be the best thing ever from my 4 years there. :-)

Day 19 – Five blogs I read

Well, this is a bit of an embarressing thing to admit, being a blog-writer myself, but I don't frequent other blogs all that regularly. I do have a looooooong list of blogs, and I do go to most of them every so often, but I don't visit x number of blogs x number of times a week. What I usually do, is when I have a "cause", like recently with the pulmonary hypertension, I would google until I feel like I know all there is to know. This includes personal stories, which invariably leads me to blogs. Then I'll read that blog almost from front to back. Most of the time, I'd go back at some point, but I won't be a regular visitor. So it leaves me with a very very long list of blogs that I can name here. But since I don't frequently read them, it would make it difficult which ones to choose.

When I was in the midst of getting Boeboe diagnosed with the tethered cord, I found comfort in a number of blogs about spina bifida and tethered cord. There were 4 especially that stuck with me, which I check up on fairly regularly. So I decided to only list those 4. They are:

http://samtheconqueror.blogspot.com/ 
http://joumaseblerrieblog.blogspot.com/
http://www.aworthyjourney.com/
http://www.masonsbjournal.blogspot.com/

I don't know if it was good writing skills, adorable children that stole my heart, or something else that struck a cord with me. Unfortunately, the 2nd one's writer has decided to slow down updating her blog (sniff sniff). Still worth a look at, especially if you're in South Africa (the first 2 are both South African ladies).

Day 17: My guilty pleasure

I'm going to admit that though I kinda knew what "guilty pleasure" meant, I had to google it to make sure I understood the term correctly. So, accordingly to wiki, this is the definition:

A guilty pleasure is something one enjoys and considers pleasurable despite feeling guilt for enjoying it. The "guilt" involved is sometimes simply fear of others discovering one's lowbrow or otherwise embarrassing tastes, such as campy styles of entertainment. Fashion, video games, music, films, and junk food can be examples of guilty pleasures.

I don't have a shopping addiction I hide from my husband. I don't look at porn or sleezy websites. I don't hide chocolates beneath my pillow or something. So I do apologise for being such a goody 2-shoes today, but there's not really any guilty pleasures I can admit to. I have lots of things I enjoy, obviously, but none of them make me hide it, or feel guilty about it. I'm really a very open book. And I don't feel guilty about my (lack of) style, fashion, likes/dislikes, etc. At this age, I'm quite happy with who I am, and don't feel I owe anyone anything, that would make me feel guilty, iykwim? So I guess the closest thing I have to a guilty pleasure, is that I spent too much time online. Sometimes, it would be good for me, for the house, for my husband and for my children, if I would spend a little less time on my laptop. ;-)

Day 16: Ten things that makes me awesome

Ouch! This was a difficult challenge for yesterday. I started doing it, but just couldn't post. Look, I love doing the challenge. But it would completely go against the grain of who I am, to post something with that title. I just couldn't do it. I don't believe I'm awesome. I don't like the word "awesome" in respects of describing a person, least of all me. So ya, I'll backdate this post to keep to the date-integrity, but I can't list 10 things. Maybe if I was in a lighthearted mood, I would've been able to, but my heart is a bit heavy for that.

Day 15: Something I miss

My mom. I miss her every day of my life. I've written a post about her previously (on here), so I won't go into all of that again.

I guess there's other things I can list as well, but the challenge is "someTHING", not "some things" I miss. So yeah, there's nothing I miss more than my mother. Maybe that'll leave me time to write a post today about Boeboe and Monkeyman's issues, since I got quite a few enquiries about how it's going now.

Day 14: Last book I've read

I love reading. I really, really love reading. When I was a child, I read a book a day. It sounds impossible, I know, but I didn't read English books until I was 16. I only read Afrikaans (my home tongue). The books I read, always had 152 pages in those days. Always. They changed the font size and nr of lines per page to fit it in. So yeah, I went to the library at least once a week. It was 3 blocks away from home. And the best hour of my week. There was something magical about the library.  

I have a number of books that I read every year. The Harry Potter series, the Earth children series, and almost all of Anne McCaffrey's fantasy books. The last book I read though, was 50 Shades. Urgh, I struggled with it. I don't know why. Everyone went on and on about it, but I think when you've come to love the books like these above, 50 Shades just doesn't cut it. It felt flat. I came halfway through the 2nd before giving up again. Maybe one day, I'll finish it, I don't know. Doesn't really feel worth the time when I can just read Clan of the Cavebear again. Or the Pern series.

I've also started Midnight sun again from Stephanie Meyer. I really liked the twilight series. I'll finish that, and then I want to read a book my sister recommended. The Glass Castle. I have no idea what it's about.

So why don't I read as many books these days? Because I read on the internet. I read people's stories, blogs, Google books, medical reviews and research articles. I read everything I can "lay my hands on" so to speak, about the subject I'm interested in. During the past 3 months, it was Pulmonary Hypertension. So the last book I probably read, was a book on that (I don't keep track of the names, but it was something about lung diseases).

I can never NOT read. There's a few things I can't live without. Reading is one of them.

Day 13: Daily Routine

About 4 months ago, I made a post about my daily routine. On here: http://roadtosanmichele.blogspot.com/2013/04/life-as-sahm-with-four-children.html

I doubt if you'd want to read all of THAT again, LOL. So, maybe just a quick recap for today's challenge?

Wake up around 8am. Give Peanut her milk, take a bath, change Peanut's nappy and dress her, give Monkeyman breakfast and eat a bowl of corn flakes myself.
Take Monkeyman to school, sit in for a while, watching him and the other kids.

Go home around 10am and give Peanut cereal, feed her milk and put her to bed. Clean house up a bit, make coffee and browse the internet for a while. Or maybe watch a bit of tv. Play with Peanut when she wakes, feed her, change her and give her lunch.

Around 12:45, I fetch Monkeyman from school, then fetch Mr N and Boeboe from school (if they don't have something on after school). Give all of them lunch, drink coffee and give Peanut something to eat. Fetch any kid(s) still not home yet due to afterschool activities.

Around 3pm, feed Peanut milk and put her to bed.
Help with homework or projects. Start dinner.
Eat dinner, feed Peanut dinner, bath her, dress her.
Spend time with the kids, put them in bed around 8pm, feed Peanut milk, put her in bed.
Make coffee for me and husband. Watch tv and surf the net.
Feed Peanut milk when she wakes.
Go to bed around midnight.
Wakes multiple times for Peanut, and give her milk.

Day 12: If I win the lottery...

… I'd buy an island, build houses for family and friends that wants to come and visit (or live there), get a few tutors for the kids, and live in peace far far away from the ratrace. I'd have an orchard with all my favourite fruit trees. And maybe a few animals.

Realistically though, the lotto here won't be big enough to cover all of that, LOL. So if I really would win SA's lotto, I'd probably put alot away for our old age. I'd pay off our house. I'd give a portion to all of my and hubby's families. Probably also give some to the church or a charity or some place where we know it'll make a real, tangible difference. I'd take a few thousand to go on holiday, and I'd buy our children something really valuable that they'll never otherwise have. Like a mini iPad, a laptop or such. I'd buy everyone that really means/meant something to me and my family, a gift. Something really awesome, that would warm their hearts as they did or still do ours. And I'd buy my husband a Mazda 5, since I'm driving around with his dream car.

Day 11: 15 of my favourite things

This post is a day late. But I'm backdating it so that it still matches the date. I've had such a busy day yesterday, I really tried to complete the challenge, but only came halfway before I had to give up to sleep. Our visitors left today, so life would go back to semi normal I think. I hope!

About today's challenge: I really wanna be corny again, and say nr 1-5 is my husband, Mr N, Boeboe, Monkeyman and Peanut.

So let's see, 10 more favourite things.

6.   Coffee. Cuppacino specifically.
7.   Snacks. Love to eat.
8.   My laptop.
9.   Mini iPad.
10. Warm, comfortable clothes in winter, and a warm, soft bed.
11.  Some things from my mom that has sentimental value to me.
12.  Some of my most valued books, as well as the kindle, though Mr N mostly has it these days.
13.  Some of the thoughtful gifts I received over the years that means alot to me. One being a handmade necklace from my sister.
14.  Angelcare breathing monitor
15.  Pressure cooker

Day 10: My best physical feature

Oh my word, today's challenge is difficult! It's bad enough to talk about myself every day, my likes and dislikes, etc. But about my looks?! So difficult. So I'm just going to keep this short. I think I like the fact that I can eat whatever I want to, and not pick up weight. Not because I think it's so awesome to be underweight (quite the opposite), but because I've come to learn how difficult it is for those who feel they need to loose weight for whatever reason. I appreciate the fact that I do not have that struggle, and can enjoy treats.

Day 9: Favourite movies

...I'll never get sick of watching.

Tbh, I don't think there's even one movie that I'll never get sick of if I've watched it enough times. But, there are a few movies that I watch regularly, or don't mind watching again every couple of years.

First in line has got to be Harry Potter. All of them. We have the DVD set, and every year or 2, we work through them. Just like I read the books every year or so again.

I also love Dirty Dancing. Not so much the story anymore, or the characters, like when I was a teenager (giving my age away here, hahahaha). But the music and dancing. It just gets to me every time.

Notting Hill. What's not to like? Great actors, great characters, romance, comedy, princess-fairy-tale, everything a girl (usually) likes. I certainly do!

Men in Black. I'm not an action movie type of person. Not at all. Anything above a 13 is usually just too much for me. But I really do love a good scifi comedy action movie. Not the "Battleship" type - one long drawn out action scene with barely any story, and way too many impossible, unrealistic stunts. But Men in Black, gosh man, I love those.

Independance Day. Same as above. When he drags that alien behind him...hahahahaha. Love his monologue!

Top Gun. Tom Cruise, uniforms, motorcycle, good music, action, heart ache, romance, fighter jet planes. Great balls of fire!!

Pretty Woman. Aijaijai, Richard Gere saving the girl. Doesn't get better than that!

Junior. I know, I know. What can I say? I have a soft spot for old Arnie, and babies, and Emma Thompson.

Meet Joe Black. Brad Pitt. Enough said.

Much Ado About Nothing. Emma Thompson and Robert Sean Leonard. Best of the Shakespear bunch for me!!

The truman show. Don't know why. I love reality tv, maybe that's why?

Wall-E. One of the very few animated movies I won't mind watching again and again.

Love Actually. Colin Frith.

Bridget Jones. Again...Colin Frith.

Groundhog Day. No idea why. I just like it. :-)

I'm sure I'm missing loads more, but there you go. Enough for today. Happy Women's Day for all the female South African residents!

Day 8: My dream job

This is an easy one.

To be a SAHM (stay at home mom).

I'm living my dreamjob. :-) I never realised how much I would enjoy being at home full time. The plan was only to stay at home the first year of my baby's life, and then look for a job closer to home so that I wouldn't sit in traffic for a couple of hours every day. But when I had to start looking for a job when baby was about 10 months old, I found myself dragging my feet. In the end I realised it was because I was dreading it, not looking forward to it. So I spoke to my husband, who also hated the thought of his baby going to a creche full time, and voila, here I am 12 years later, still unemployed and loving it!

That's it for today. Since today is in any case over. I have guests in the house for the next week, so time is severely stricted.

Day 7: Pet Peeves

Today, I won't list all my pet peeves, since I still have a long update on Monkeyman to do.

So here's some small irritations of mine. I'm sure most people would relate!

• People standing too close to me in a queue. Don't breath in my neck!!! Especially if you haven't taken a shower in the past 72 hours or have the flu.
• Wet socks. I.Can't.Stand.Wet.Socks. Honestly, it's the worst!
• A sticky kitchen floor. Why would the kids ALWAYS spill sticky cooldrink on the day the floor was washed?!?!
• Open mouth chewing. And after 10 years, I STIL struggle to get this across to my children!! I shout/warn/threaten them at every meal. Literally every meal. For a decade. :-( Nothing puts a mother so much in her place than the feeling that she's talking to the empty walls!!
• Little popping noises. Like drops of water falling, children blowing bubbles with their spit or bubblegum, etc.
• When something doesn't work that should've work.
• Being late.
• Wobbly tables.
• Taxi's and their inconsiderate driving.
• Someone kicking/bumping my chair while I'm sitting in it.

OK, that's 10. Enough for today. I'm sure you're getting tired because of all my loooong lists. Hahahaha.

Day 6: What makes me happy?

Gosh, it's late in the day again for this post. It's a bit of a hectic time for me. I have a whole update to do on Monkeyman's visit to the ENT today, but I'll leave that for tomorrow when my mind isn't mush. :-)

So, back to today's challenge. What makes me happy? Can I be corny again, and say my children and husband? First and foremost. Without them, I'll be the saddest, loneliest person. Not even a shell of who I am or can be. They make me smile, they fill my heart and they're the cause of my laughter. Today, I mentioned something Mr N said in his sleep, and it brought forth peels of laughter from him and Boeboe, and it made me smile in happiness. Peanut took both her hands today, used them to turn my head to her face as she was standing on my lap, and planted a very soppy kiss on my lips. In front of the whole reception room full of people. That made me happy! And when Monkeyman greeted me at the gate of his school today, smiling happily because I was there. That made me happy. :-)

I can go on and on, but that's what makes my day. That's why I was able to stand strong the past 3 stressful months. Because the happiness they bring to my heart. And in the afternoon, when I had a hard day, I can just lean against my husband when he gets home, and I'll always feel safe and happy in his arms. As long as I have these 5 people in my life, I'll be happy and sound. :-)

But okay, that wasn't the question really. So what, apart from my family, makes me happy?

• The sea. Waenhuiskrans in specific.
• Seeing other small children and babies. They always makes me smile. 
• Good music.
• Seeing good friends.
• Getting gifts (shallow, I know!).
• Buying something I really wanted.
• Having a pamper from the kids (foot or head massage or something similar).
• Watching a good show on tv.
• Going to the movies.
• Playing board or card games with my little family.
• Getting my baby to sleep (yes, bad mother I know, but it makes me happy, or maybe more relieved, when she falls asleep).
• Having a relaxing weekend with my little family.
• Playing a good computer or iPad game.
• Reading a good book.
• My house. Even after living here for more than a decade, it still makes me happy.
• The sun. When I'm down, all I need to do is go and sit in the sun for a while.
• Food. Yes, I may not look like it, but I really do love food, and alot of it is the "wrong" kind of food. Oops.
• Coffee. Nothing beats a good cup of coffee after running around all morning.
• Technology. I just love all the new things on the market - iPad, smartphones, PVR's, etc.
• Christmas. Best time of the year for me!
• Spoiling my children or husband. Even if it's just with a nice pudding or good meal.

I'm pretty sure I can list another 20 things, but since it's almost midnight, I'll stop now. Clearly, I'm easy to please...hahahaha. Not that I'm the typical woman hey? Diamonds, shoes, shopping, new make up or weekends away isn't what makes me happy. Poor hubby, it must be confusing when your wife doesn't fit the mould. No wonder he struggles with birthday gifts!!

Fantastic news!!!

I still can't believe that I'm able to type this, but Monkeyman's PH has resolved!!!!!! It's just absolutely amazing.

Cardiologist did a repeat echo, and said the enlarged pulmonary arteries hs started to shrink back to normal, the right heart ventricle is also shrinking, the regurgitation is less (not gone, but less!) and the pulmonary arterial pressures has gone down from in the 30's to 16 (which is normal). Whoohoo!!!!

So overall, his pulmonary hypertension is cured, which is just astounding because it almost never happens! It's an incurable disease, but, if you're lucky and it was secondary to sleep apnea, it might resolve if you treat the sleep apnea. Which we did, in Monkeyman's case, when the ENT took his enlarged adenoids out. Isn't it strange that a kid that never snored, had such bad sleep apnea that he must've desat badly at night? Enough to cause his lungs to suffer so much from lack of oxygen, that it caused small changes in the arteries to the point of causing obstruction to the blood flow. I asked the doctor why if there's obstruction in the nose, and the child mouth breathes at night, would his oxygen levels still fall, and she said it's because he breaths less effectively through the mouth. That it's very shallow breathing. It makes sense.

I'm still in shock. Extremely relieved, but still in shock. I prepared myself for the worst today, and got the absolute best case scenario. I just assumed, what's the chances of Monkeyman also having the rarest case of a rare disease, just like Boeboe did? Gosh, I really have some special kids. Makes me humble.

Thank you for all the prayers and support and interest in my little boy's lot. I'm so happy to be able to report this good news. I'm still a tad worried about his tiredness and heart palpitations. His cardiologist said to just let him rest when he has heart palpitations, and to go back to the pead with his tiredness for some more bloodtests. And maybe first take a good b-complex multivit for a few months to see if it'll help. She also said she'll have a look at his blood tests to see if there's any reason why his iron levels dropped. Though, she doesn't think his iron levels is the cause of his strange tiredness. Maybe it's just how he is, who knows?! I don't anymore. Anyway, for now, I just want to celebrate the good news. Our little boy doesn't have PH anymore!!!!

Day 5: Ten songs I love

My heart isn't in the challenge today, as you can imagine. We're seeing the cardiologist for Monkeyman's follow up this afternoon. They're either going to tell us his PH is resolved because it was due to sleep apnea which has been treated 2 months ago by cutting the adenoids out. Or they're going to tell us his pulmonary hypertension pressures is still too high. I would've been more relaxed if he didn't have symptoms anymore. And if the alternative wasn't such a devastating disease. Life altering at the very least, fatal at the worst. I'll be sure to come and update as soon as I can.

Anyway, here goes. Ten favourite songs at the moment (mostly because some of them are on the CD that's currently in my car's CD player, I'm just too stressed out to sit and think about other songs I love).

1. Caravans
2. Hot and Cold (Nino de Angelo)
3. Guardian Angel (also Nino de Angelo)
4. Jy's te dierbaar, om seer te kry
5. Living next door to Alice
6. Conquest of paradise
7. Onse Vader
8. Nogtans sal ek jubel
9. Balade for Adeline
10. Tussen treine

OK, there's hundreds more, but those were the first 10 that came to mind. Not because they're my favourites, but because I like them and heard them in the past week on tv, CD or radio. And they're some of my favourites.

Day 4: What are you afraid of

Hmmm, today's challenge is an easy one. I'll list my fears, and will try to limit it to 10. Yeah yeah, I'm a scaredy cat, I know!

I'm afraid of:
1. Loosing a loved one. (Aren't we all?)
2. Leaving my children motherless.
3. One of my children being kidnapped.
4. Spiders. Any and all, but especially poisonous ones. I don't kill all daddy long legs for example, because I don't fear them that much. But if a button spider or sac spider comes near me, I kill it.
5. Snakes.
6. Heights. Driving through a mountain pass is the absolute worst.
7. Speed. Especially speeding cars.
8. Lightning. (It might sound strange to someone not living in SA, or here on the highlands. But the lightning storms here is exceptionally bad. Numerous people are killed every summer where I live.
9. World War III. Not a big fear, just a small worry when reading the newspapers sometimes.
10. Civil war in my country. This isn't a conscious fear, it's more of a mild concern.
11. My daughters (and sons) getting raped in this "rape capital of the world" we live in.
12. My children or husband being attacked, killed, robbed, hurt, murdered, hi-jacked, kidnapped, etc. in this crime ridden country of ours.
13. One of my children going "off the rails" onto a path of drugs or something similar that would destroy their future.
14. My husband not growing old with me (or me with him!).

And lastly, but not the least, one fear today specifically:
15. That Monkeyman's echo won't show improvement on his pulmonary pressures tomorrow, or that the dr is wrong about the cause of his PH.

OK, that was more than 10. I said I'm a scaredy cat, didn't I. ;-) I have to add, it's not as if I sit all day and stress about the above mentioned fears. I'm not a negative person, usually. Quite the opposite, I'm "the glass is half-full" type of person. Unfortunately, I'm also a realist and very logical, and quite statistical. And all of above is possibilities, however remote, chances are there so it scares me. But I'm also a Christian, so I believe whatever is put on our road, we will handle with the help of God.

Day 3: My favourite Quote

My favourite quote has a bit of a story to it. Explaining why I love it so much. I came from a very sheltered childhood. My parents moved to this small, little town in the middle of nowhere when I was age 5. It was far, far away from any of their families. So while I grew up, my parents would never leave us anywhere so that they could have a fun night out, go away for a weekend without us children or leave us somewhere for a holiday without children. I slept over at friends' houses from very early on, so it's not because they were super paranoid. I guess it was a combination of having no one to leave their children with, and not feeling the need to do it.

So imagine growing up in a VERY small town, rarely going anywhere and except for sleepovers with friends, never being away from your parents, ever. Then, age 18 after school, you're send away to study at univarcity in the big bad city with the prospect of going home one weekend every term (a term is about 10 weeks long), and 4 holidays a year. It was very, very hard on me, a total mommy's girl. I missed my parents to the point of being in physical pain. I missed my home. I missed my things. I missed my school friends. I missed the quiet, country life. I hated the city. I hated the people in the city. I hated the fast pace, the noise, the traffic, the sheer number of people. I hated the difference in cultures which made me feel different and awkward. I missed my language (city was English mostly, while everyone, black and white, spoke Afrikaans where I came from). I missed the values and integrity I was raised with in the country. The city girls were just... different.

I was very lonely. I did make an exceptionally good friend. She too came from the country, had very high standards and morals and we were very similar. In time, I created a small niche for myself, filled it with like-minded people and I grew up. I met my husband and enjoyed studying so much in the end that I also did my Honors degree full time. But in the beginning, it was very, very difficult.

In that time of missing my parents and school friends, I read this short story about a girl who was so very very lonely. Her loneliness was so profound, that it attracted a being from outer space. It flew to earth, contacted her and gave her a message before it passed away. Of course, everyone demanded to know what wisdom it parted to her. What secret intelligence did it possess. But, it was only a message. A message for her, that really touched my soul, because at that moment, I could relate and understand. The message meant the world to me in a time I needed to know that I wasn't alone. That even though it felt like I was the only person on planet earth, I wasn't.

“There is in certain living souls a quality of loneliness unspeakable, so great it must be shared as company is shared by lesser beings. Such a loneliness is mine; so know by this that in immensity there is one lonelier than you.”  - Theodore Sturgeon

Day 2: 20 Facts about me

I'm (very) late with this post and it's only the 2nd day of the challenge! I've had a very hectic day.

And geez, this is hard. It would've been easier giving 20 facts about each of the 4 kids, than about me. Hmmm, let's see...

1. I'm a Christian.
2. My favourite books are: all books by Anne McCaffrey, Earth Children series and Harry Potter series. I read these on a yearly basis.
3. I love computer games. My all time favourites are Tex Murphy (a new one's coming out end 2013 - whoohoo!!!!!!), Sims 2 (sims 3 just never felt as good), Rise of Nations, Age of Empires 2, Warcraft 2 and Might and Magic.
4. I'm the youngest of 4 siblings.
5. I've always, since I was a tiny little girl, wanted 5 children - 3 girls and 2 boys.
6. I had an exceptionally good relationship with my mother.
7. I've written (not published) a manuscript.
8. I suck(ed) at sport. Always have. Always will.
9. I'm not competitive at all, and find it mildly amusing to see how competitive other people are/get.
10. I seriously considered studying astronomy after school, but the opportunities in those years were very limited in my country. I also contemplated a medical degree, but some other factors prevented this from happening.
11. I'd rather eat a pack of crisps, than a slice of cake. Though I do love tarts.
12. I can play (a little) piano and guitar, though I'm not really musical and can't sing a note in tune!
13. I've never qualified to donate blood (being underweight disqualifies you).
14. I don't drink alcohol. Nothing against it. Just don't feel the need.
15. I've never smoked/took any illegal substance, and won't ever. Way too much of a control freak.
16. I faint fairly regularly.
17. I'm allergic to most flowers.
18. I've had reconstructive facial surgery.
19. I've been married for 15 years, and hope for another 40!
20. I had a very very happy childhood. I'm hoping to give my children the same.

Blog challenge Day 1: Introduction

Along with some other bloggers, I'm going to attempt a 30 day blogging challenge. We've been given 30 topics, one for each day, starting today, the 1st of August. Today is just an introduction.

So who exactly am I? Wel, I'm an almost 40, happily married, stay-at-home mom to 4 beautiful kids, living in sunny South Africa. I grew up in the hottest part of our country, the Kalahari. It's a semi-desert region, very dry and very hot. I moved to the city to study, and worked for 4 years after completing my degrees. I got married to my univarcity love, and when I almost lost our unborn baby during my first pregnancy, I decided to become a stay at home mom after his birth. That was 12 years ago! During that 12 years we've added 3 more little ones to our family. They're 12, 9, 5 and 1. When my eldest was 5, he was diagnosed with epilepsy. My 2nd eldest was diagnosed at age 7 with an occult tethered cord (her road to diagnosis started at age 5), and now that my youngest son turned 5, we heard he has a very very rare heart-lung disease. So we're kinda still in shock, waiting to see what his prognosis is. We're also supersticious enough to wonder what our youngest baby will be diagnosed with when she turns 5.

So a bit more about me? Well, I'm a logical thinker. Academically inclined, not creative AT ALL. I love keeping my brain occupied, while my body is stationary (LOL). I hate hate hate excersize, I hate using my hands, and I have loads of "issues" as my dear husband calls it. ;-) I'm a tad OCD, I have sensory integration problems so don't you dare touch my hands! I have some health issues which I refuse to research or do something about, while I will spend every last second I have to research whatever ails my children (I told you I have issues!!). I absolutely love the internet, google and chatting on multiple forums. I hate driving, I hate city-living and I hate rain and having wet socks. I'm impatient but kind, I'm hot-headed but will share my last rolo without a second thought. I'm honest to a fault, and stubborn as can be. I'm opinionated, can stand up for myself, but hate confrontation face to face. I'm extremely loyal, and very very lazy. I always say, I'm a full time mom rather than a housewife, because I hate housework and I'm awful at it. My house is always in some state of dissarray. I absolutely LOVE being a mom, and if I had the means, and a womb that could, I would've had at least one or 2 more children. I adore the baby stage, and so far, the pre-teen phase. I also love being married to my husband. Without him, I'd be lost.

Gosh, I hope that's enough about me? My life is about my kids, I don't care about me. I don't wear make-up, I don't dye or hi-lite my hair. I don't do my nails or go for massages. I don't wear the newest fashions. And I don't care about any of that. My husband, my children and my house, with family and friends thrown in, that's all I care about.

So yeah, that's me. Tomorrow, the challenge is: "20 Facts about you". So I'll have to have a long, hard think about that tonight. ;-)

Not what we hoped for (yet)

It's almost 2 weeks since Monkeyman's adenoidectomy. The past week was vastly different from the first week. Since last Sunday, Father's Day, he was just about back to his old self. Huge improvement on that first week where he just lied all day long. He started playing, running around with his siblings, laughing, talking animatedly again, etc. The old Monkeyman we knew.

Unfortunately, he's nothing better than what he was before the adenoidectomy. He's okay, he's fine, but he's no better. We're still waiting for that miraculous, big improvement the doctors told us about. :-( I'm such a worrier, I can't help but wonder why we haven't seen it yet, when they were so adamant that it'll improve quickly and drastically.

About a week before the operation, I went to the shops. The mall I frequent, is rather small (as far as malls go). It's build in a crescent and a rough guestimate of its length from one side to the other, would be about 200m, maybe 250. So really not a big mall. I parked on the one side because that's where I wanted to "end" my shopping for the day (getting bread and milk). But the most important thing on my to do list was the post office on the far opposite side of the mall.

On the way to the post office, Monkeyman asked to sit down on one of the benches. Not long, just a few minutes. At the post office, he complained that he was really tired and HAD to sit down. I showed him a chair, but it was a bit far from me, so he refused. I sort of jokingly said well, then there's just the floor buddy. Lo and behold, he sat down on the floor immediately. It broke my heart. :-( As I moved up in the queue, he just moved with me, while staying in the floor. Once I was done there, he asked to sit down on the benches another 2 times on the way back to the opposite end of the mall. The last shop he did really well and we finished shopping. Probably all in all in about an hour or 2.

A few days ago, about 10 days after the operation, I had to go back to the same mall. But just at the one side of it, so no long walk or anything. I even parked close to the lift. The first shop we went to, the pharmacy, had chairs at the counter. He sat the whole time while I ordered and waited for our chronic medication for the month. I got a handful of clothes in the 2nd shop, fitted them on and paid. He had to stand/walk the whole time, nowhere to sit. The 3rd and last shop, another clothing shop, had a bench inside the fitting rooms. So he came in with me while I tried on various clothing items. And what does he do? He lied down on the bench. :-(

Then, when we went home, he hanged onto the railing in the lift, lying his head on the railing, saying he's tired. All in all, we were there for less than 90 minutes. Rest of the day, he just sat/lied down again. Really not a good day.

So it's up and down. The ups are as good as it was before the operation, the downs are as bad as it was before the operation. No improvement. Nothing.

The one thing I do think is better, is his face colour (more pinkish, not as pale?!) and the circles under his eyes aren't as dark and obvious as it was that first week after the operation. That must count for something?

We did have some (very) good news as well. His allergy tests came back all negative!!!! YAY!!! I'm so very relieved, because I know how hard it is to have a child that's allergic to something, especially food items, or medication. So either he's allergic to some very obscure thing in his diet/environment, or the ENT was very much wrong, believing that the adenoids were swollen because of an allergy. I'm not sure if this means Monkeyman was born with the enlarged adenoids, or what? I guess so. We'll find out when we see the ENT again for his checkup beginning of August.

His iron bloodtest did came back slightly low, so we're supplementing. I'm not very hopeful that it'll make much of a difference, since it never did before. And even when his iron was tested as normal a few years back, he still had this weird tiredness.

Well, there's this week's update. Not really what I'd like to have posted. But maybe, who knows, the next week will show marked improvement. Maybe his body just needs more time.

What a week

I can't believe it's been a week already. Almost. Things are finally looking up. I've been quite stressed out, because Monkeyman wasn't doing as well as I thought he would. I prepared myself for a child who'll be tired and vomitting and not eating for a day (like always after anaesthesia). Then a day of having a sore throat and maybe some tears. Then a child who miraculously starts to look well, sleep well, becomes active and healthy and like a normal 5-year old little boy. Instead, I got a child that DIDN'T throw up (yay for valoid during the op!!), had extremely little throat pain and ate very well, like always, almost immediately.

And was MORE tired than usual. :-( This caught me totally off guard. I did NOT expect that. From after the operation, Monkeyman has laid down. He would sleep 12-13 hours solidly, then wake up and just lay in bed (very strange for him). Usually, he would jump up the moment he opens his eye (the reason why Mr N and Boeboe have to be sooooo quiet in the mornings when eating breakfast before school, because if they make one loud noise, Monkeyman would wake up and there's no sleeping some more with him!). This week, he would just lay in bed until long after 9am. Then he'd move his blanket and pillow to the couch in the sittingroom, and there he'd lay all day. Either playing iPad or watching tv. He'll stand up to go to the bathroom or sit up to eat. It wasn't nice to see.

By Thursday he did play once in the morning for about 30 minutes on the carpet, and again in the evening. So that gave me some hope. Friday, I went out for breakfast with friends. He was so excited, because his best friend was going with. We were there for 3 hours. He played most of the time on the carpet (pushing cars or lying down on the plastic matresses playing with the other plastic cubes). But still needed to lie down (on his seat!) twice. Like in lying down flat. Afterwards, he told me that was when he was so tired, he just felt like sleeping. And of course, he sat while eating. So all in all, probably better than the previous days, but still not really a good sign. :-( It worried me, seeing a 5-year old lying down in a place like Spur (family restaurant) metres away from an exciting play area where his best friend was running around. Rest of the day he just lied down at home again.

Then, today, he played all day long!! Sitting down, but still, he played! He moved from couch to chair to carpet, always sitting, but still playing. He played computer, iPad, Barbies with his sister, etc. I was really happy to see that. :-) So hopefully, he's at long last now on the mend. If we can now just get rid of those circles under the eyes! They're so much darker now than a week ago. And he has this veins that's prominent from the corner of his mouth down to the neck. It looks like he drew on himself with a blue pen. His jugular veins is also very pronounced, which is apparently a sign of pulmonary hypertension. So I'm worried that his heart was taking strain this week. Really scary. So I'll be so relieved when he's back to his old self. Or better yet...when that improvement the doctor spoke about, will become apparent!! He said we'll notice it immediately. :-( Well, quite the opposite happened. So sad. And so worrysome.

Tomorrow is Fathers Day, and we're visiting family. So let's hope he'll be playing around and not sitting/lying down all day.

Van bakboord na stuurboord

The title translates to From port to starboard. It's a saying in my hometongue when you get send from one person to the next to the next to the next, without resolving the issue at hand. Well, that's precisely how I feel at this moment. From GP to Pead to Cardiologist to ENT....

So yes, that's our next step. The Ear, Nose and throat specialist. :-( Four specialists in little more than a week. FUN (not). So, the pediatric cardiologist couldn't find anything wrong either. Good news is, his heart is structurally perfect!! No deformities, valves working perfectly, etc. Yay!!!

The bad news is, something probably is up, because his heart is slightly enlarged on the right side, and it beats too hard. But it's not caused by the heart itself, it's something else causing it. The area where it is enlarged, points to a chest/throat/sinus problem. She ruled out the lungs, no asthma or anything. So that leaves throat/sinus. Hence, the ENT next. He has to see if he can find the underlying cause, maybe like an anatomical deformity in the nose area. If not, then a sleep study overnight will be the next step.

Ag, this is just getting so frustrating. When can we have an issue with the kids that's just straightforward and easy to diagnose?! Does all parents go through this type of thing? Why do I feel so alone in this then? Even Mr N remarked on the way home that it's strange that we have 3 older kids, and one after the other we're finding something "wrong" with each one. And everytime they were age 5...

It was a long, long day. I stood up early to take Monkeyman to school, and he was having none of that. Just wanted to sit. I coached him and eventually we left the house an hour later. Got back, put baby to sleep. Gave her lunch after her nap, cleaned the house, fetched Monkeyman and gave him a bath and washed his hair. Then gave him lunch. Pack the nappybag and put the kids in the car. Fetched Mr N and Boeboe from tennis (they had it directly after school). Drove directly to the hospital where the appointment was quite long with the sonar and EKG. Fortunately, they put a nice movie on for Mr N and Boeboe, so we only had to deal with a (very tired) baby and Monkeyman. By the time we got home, it was after 6pm and dark and cold. And the minute Monkeyman stepped inside, he said he's nauseous. I took him to the bathroom where he promptly threw up (in the loo fortunately). He lied down on his couch, and perked up later and haven't vomitted again. Not sure what's going on?!

So ya, eventful and LONG day. Thank goodness it's weekend. I'm in desperate need of sleep (Peanut's cutting her top teeth), relaxation and distraction. I'm taking the kids shopping for winter clothes tomorrow and on Sunday we're celebrating Mothersday. I'm hoping for a day where I don't need to do much. But with a baby in the house, I doubt if that'll pan out this year, LOL.

And here we go again

This one isn't about Boeboe. Yes, I know, I should update on her again. But today, my mind is filled with my little boy. Sometimes, I marvel at the fact that I could love him SO very much, when I already loved 2 other children around the moon and back. How come a parent's heart can expand to fit in all of this love?

He's 5 now, and becoming a real little boy! (I once asked my friend, "as opposed to what, a wooden doll?" when she said this of her boy, hahahaha.) Maybe it's an age thing. But he's so much more into boy games now. One day a few weeks ago, Boeboe came running in from outside crying. Apparently, she and Monkeyman was playing, when Mr N decided to go kick a ball outside. And Monkeyman dropped his sister like a hot potato to rather kick the ball with Mr N. She felt cheated and done in. So I tried to explain to her that Monkeyman is a boy, and boys like to play boys games. She was very affronted, and told me "But mommy, we were playing a game that were for boys AND girls! We were pretending to be baby birds!!!!" She honestly couldn't grasped that that isn't the type of game boys are usually into...hahahahaha. Ah well, at least I've succeeded in not putting my kids into little gender boxes (too much)!

So ya, Monkeyman now likes boy-things. Kicking ball, playing tennis, sword-games and screaming pow pow while pointing a non-existing gun in the hand at an invisible alien. So much imagination, little boys!!

So what does my heading have to do with any of this? Well, we're on the diagnostic road again. :-( Can you believe that? Honestly, I think the doctors are going to start labelling us as munchausen-by-proxy parents! Someone who would hurt their own child to get the attention of medical professionals. Ha! Who on earth would LIKE this road? I just can't understand that. Anyhoo, that's beside the point now. We're looking for another diagnoses. This time, in Monkeyman. It's just fair you see. Mr N has the epilepsy, and had all the attention from his parents for months during that time he was diagnosed and put on medication. Then Boeboe came along and had our focus and attention for years with the tethered cord. So now it's monkeyman's turn!

:(

Seriously though, I try to see the humour, but I'm tired. I don't want to do this. I don't want to worry about another child, another diagnoses, another long road. Honestly, I don't think I'm up to it again. Sniff sniff. They say God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. How come God thinks I'm so friggen strong when I'm NOT?

Well, as you know, if you've frequented this blog (or know us) I've always complained about Monkeyman's odd tiredness. Even as a baby, he'd crawl around for a while, laughing, playing, and then suddenly, just press his face down on the carpet or his blanket or my feet, and just lay his little body down. Not sleeping, not closing his eyes, just as if his whole body was tired (not sleepy). Or the way he would, out of the blue, stopped playing as a toddler, and just go lie down on the couch. He decided on one couch, and I swear, half of his awake time in his life has been spent on that couch. :-( Of course I sometimes wondered if it was because of the tv, or laziness, or being spoilt. Countless times though, I would switch the tv off the moment he starts playing in the morning (or never put in on) and check him. Without fail, he would play about 30-60 min (age 1-3), then go lie down with his blanket. Even when he had nothing to watch, nothing to do, he would just lie down and clutch his blankie. He would play with his fingers, humm to himself, scratch his head, play with his blankie, etc. Or sometimes He'd fetch a little car and just lie on the couch pushing his little car. It sometimes really broke my heart, seeing him like that. All quiet and tired. In time (and I'm literally talking about months/years) I caved and indulged him more with tv at those times. Letting him play, then when he's bushed, let him watch a movie with the request that when the movie is done, he needs to play again. It usually worked well.

What also convinced me in those days that he wasn't faking, was that even when he missed his Boeboe all day while she's at school, he'd still only play about 30-60min with her when she gets home. Then, doesn't matter how much fun he seemed to be having, he would go lie down. Frustrating Boeboe because she wasn't done with the game. Even when other friends visited, Monkeyman would only play a while, then goes to have a lie-down. I remember him "playing" from the couch while other kids tried to entice him off it. He would lie there, laughing with them, using his arms and legs, but keeping his body horisontal. Just for a while, almost like he had batteries that needed recharging. Then he'd jump up and played again. For another hour. Sometimes like with a birthday party when it's chaos and so many visitors, he would push himself. The moment the last child is gone, he would crash. Literally. The rest of the day he would spent on that couch. Unable and unwilling to do anything more than lying down. Sometimes he would fall asleep and wake up a bit better, but since age 3 he dropped his afternoon nap and it rarely happenend thereafter again.

Writing it out like this, it makes me feel guilty, for not pushing this more. It really does sound weird for a 2 or 3-year old little boy, doesn't it? I remember speaking to other parents, who complained that their boys are just non-stop. They run and plays all day long, non-stop. They thought Monkeyman very very weird. I couldn't blame them! Mr N wasn't hyperactive or even close to it, but even he was totally the opposite to Monkeyman at that age. So yes, why didn't I do more? I don't know. Since I noticed this (around age 1 I'd guess??), I asked about it at every pead check, every GP visit, every dr I've seen with him. He wasn't ill much, so this wasn't many times. But still, I never failed to ask about this every time I saw a dr with him. Age 2.5 years, I told my husband I'm worried, so I took him with when I had to take Boeboe to the pead. She listened to his heart and gave him a thorough checkup. And sent him off for some bloodtests (glucose, thyroid, iron, whiteblood count, etc.). It all came back normal, except for low seratonin that could point to low iron, though his iron count was normal. So he got 3 months of iron supplementation. It didn't help much. Not at all for the day, and only a tiny, tiny bit maybe for his night wakings (which only stopped long after age 3).

Over the years, it has become much less noticeble, and after the pead told us they could find nothing wrong when he was almost 3, I just accepted him as being unique. It did, afterall, fit in with his whole personality. The reserved, quiet, calm, contend, sweet little thing that he is. Both his dad and his grandpa was the same. Always tired as children. So I thought ah well, must be a family thing. Strange to me, but normal to them, iykwim?

A few weeks ago though, he was sitting on the couch playing something (think it was iPad), when he stood up to look for me in the kitchen. He told me that his heart is beating really fast. I was busy and barely registered what he's saying. Just nodding my head and said Oh? So off he went, happy that mom wasn't worried. A few days later though, the same thing happened. This time, I measured his pulse. It was 98, which didn't register to me as being really high (though I had no experience or knowledge on how high it should be). But what I found strange, was that again, he wasn't doing any excerzises. And his heart was beating so rapidly, that I could feel and see it being in overdrive. His shirt was moving slightly from the beating. I was mildly concerned, but then forgot about it again. Until beginning last week, while we were all watching tv as a family one evening. He felt it again, and this time it measured 102. I told my husband about the previous 2 episodes, and he looked a bit concerned. So I told him that maybe I should just take him for a checkup at the GP (general practitioner - medical doctor).

The dr told me that he'll probably going to have to refer us to a pediatric cardiologist. For the first time, I realised that this might not be nothing. I guess I was in denial, because I really, really can't face this road again. The road of not knowing what's up with your child. The road where you know something's wrong, but you don't know what it is. How dangerous or life threatening it is. Or how long it will be until you know. What procedures your child will need to go through before you know. And what and when the end of the road will be. We've been through it twice, with both the older kids. We couldn't face it again.

So ya, I got a little scared when the dr mentioned "cardiologist". I know I know, it's way too early to stress. It's most definitely putting the cart before the horses. Just silly. But when you've been through this before, you can't help but worry. With Mr N, I thought - ag, what's the chance that it is anything really? I'm probably making a whole mountain of a tiny heap of sand. I wasn't even sure if I should take him to a dr!! And then, it turned out to be something big. With Boeboe, I thought, what makes us so special that we'd have TWO children with abnormalities. Chances are so much better that she's just fine. Nothing wrong with her. Well, look how that turned out! She was so special, she's probably the only child in our whole country (of 50+ million people) who got an occult tethered cord that couldn't even be visualised during the untethering operation.

So ya, what makes us so special that our 3rd child would also have abnormalities?!?! This is just too much.

Anyhoo, the dr measured Monkeyman's heartrate with this nifty little gadget. He clips it on the finger, and it has a little screen on which the pulserate shows digitally. It was a bit erratic though, and quite fast. It were something like 106, 98, 89, 102, 90, 99, 80, 95, 105. Etc. And it only went to 80 once. Most of the time it was in the 90's and a few over the 100's. The dr listened a long while to his chest and lungs, and could hear his heart going faster through the stetoscope. He didn't like hearing that, I could see it on his face. BUT, as awfully concerning as all of this sounds now, I didn't get the idea that the dr is really stressed out about anything. Just mildly worried, concerned. He said that something's up, and we need to go back to the pead. I guess because Monkeyman's heart was still beating rythmically, not arythmically, he changed his mind about the cardiologist. He wanted the pead to do some bloodtests to see if it could be a systemic disease that caused his heart to go faster even when the child wasn't running around. Together with his history of always being physically tired, and having legpains, the dr thought something must be up.

So off we went, back to the pead. She wasn't concerned when I started speaking, and mentioned some of it as normal (sinus arrythmia). But then she read the sealed note the GP send her (I was sooooo curious and desperately wanted to open it, but felt too guilty) and you could see her mind started ticking over. She frowned and slowly tucked the note into Monkeyman's folder, very deeply in thought. Then declared that we'd probably need to send him to a cardiologist. You can imagine how much I wish I read that letter when I had the chance!!

Anyway, so she did the physical, and said that she really can't hear any murmur or rushing sound on his heart. It all sounds normal. She asked us about family history, and then said that having heart palpitations like Monkeyman had, where you can feel your heartbeat going faster/harder that it stops you in your tracks, isn't normal and needs checking out. She mentioned that his mitral valve might not be closing properly. So yeah, this is why I said "And here we go again". Because we've now been referred onto the next specialist (pediatric cardiologist). Fortunately, we got an appointment quickly, we're going tomorrow. It sounds like it would involve a number of tests (EKG and sonar).

I'm grateful the pead doesn't believe it's his thyroid or diabetes or anything like that. But I'm scared that she thinks it might be his heart. I know, lots of children/adults have mild heart problems. But when it's your own child, and you don't know what it is yet, you can't help but worry. Especially since his grandpa was similar as a child. And then, when he was around age 30, he needed massive open heart surgery where a valve was replaced with a mechanical valve. As long as I've known PIL, my FIL had always taken medication for his heart, and it needs to be very, very carefully monitored. His bloodlevels can't be too thick or too thin, so bloodtests every couple of months year after year after year after year... He can't take any medication, not even over the counter, without asking his doctors first, because it might have an influence on his bloodlevels. He always needs to be careful, always think about his heart, and his wife is always so worried about him. The first time I met him, he told me if I could hear that tick. It was a loud, metallic clicking sound. Yes, that's the valve! I was amazed, it was louder than a watch or alarmclock.

They believe (never comfirmed) that he might've had rheumatic fever as a child, that caused the problems to the valve. But what if it isn't? What if it's genetic? Or, what if the same happened to Monkeyman when he got scarlet fever age 10 months? He was so so so ill, I thought that night that we're going to loose him. Yes, he got peniccillen, so chances of getting rheumatic fever was slim, and wouldn't I have noticed it? I watched him like a hawk, didn't I?

So ya, put that history plus Monkeyman's tiredness plus a couple of drs mildly worried together with being referred to a heart specialist, and you have one worried mommy. :-(

Two years ago...

Yesterday, 2 years ago, Boeboe was operated on for her occult tethered cord. Since Saturday, I've been having flashbacks and I'm surprised that it still hurts so much 2 years later. You'd think that after all we've been through, how much we gained because of the operation, that I'd see it as a good thing. That I'd remember it fondly and with happiness and gratefulness.

But I can't. I remember holding my little girl down screaming in terror while they did some tests on her. I remember her having anaesthesia for the umpteenth time, scared out of her mind. Once they gave her dormicum to calm her down and make her sleepy. It made her high! She was so funny.

I remember sitting in front of the PC (before I had a laptop), in the freezing cold, 1am in the morning, blanket wrapped around me, my hands blocks of ice. Reading up on tethered cords and people's experiences with it. Night after night after night. Wanting nothing more than to find a way to help get my daughter diagnosed.

I remember contemplating selling our car, so that we could afford tickets to America so that we can see a specialist there. I remember crying desperately, wishing my mom was still alive. Because I didn't know how to get through it all without her. I remember sitting in one doctor's office, looking at his eyes filled with tears, refusing to cry with him, when he begged me not to let anyone cut my baby open. I remember looking at my daughter with such pride when she laid completely still for the MRI. Apparently, the technician has never had a child that young, lay that still, for that long.

I remember a doctor looking me in the eye, telling me that both me and my daughter are lying. I remember looking back, in his eyes, telling him we're not. And for him to discard that as easily as I did when my daughter was 4. I remember this same doctor eating his own words when he saw her test results. It made me feel empty, not happy as I thought it would. Because I'd rather he was right.

I remember my daughter saying No no no no when they gassed her for the operation. I remember sitting in the waiting room. Another waiting room. So many, many waiting rooms. They're all the same. Cold. Empty.

I remember forcing myself to eat while they cut her open in theatre. To drink. Eyeing where the nearest bathroom is, because I thought I'm going to vomit. I remember my surprise and relief when they wheeled her back from theatre, and she wasn't just okay, she was wide awake and alert. I remember my elation when she asked me what's around her big toe. We were so scared that she'd loose feeling in her legs. I remember the moment she said her head hurts. The way my stomach dropped in my feet. It was the one thing I didn't want her to go through. I had experienced epidural migraines. I couldn't face thinking my baby had to go through that.

I remember her being violently ill. I remember our panic when the nurse couldn't get hold of the doctor. I remember the pastor coming into the room. He brought peace with him. I remember knowing that now she'll be alright, once he prayed for her. And she was.

I remember the days and nights spent on that awful chair next to her bed. I remember feeling guilty for not playing with her more. For not entertaining her every second. But I was in robot-mode. I could barely keep it together for myself. I had nothing more to give after days and days. I remember seeing my sister walk into the hospital room, and the lightness she brought. I remember her contagious happiness. I remember the way she got my daughter to stand and walk for the first time days after the operation.

I remember how Monkeyman missed his sister. I remember how even Mr N admitted to missing Boeboe. I remember how happy they were when they were at the hospital. As if their world were complete. I remember trying to play ball with them at home one afternoon. Laughing, joking, teasing them, being happy. I remember it all being fake. I remember the tears in my eyes they didn't notice. I remember the pain in my heart they knew nothing about.

I remember my daughter being in so much pain, that she didn't move an inch for 72 hours. I remember the bedsores on her back, bum, heels. I remember how it hurt when they had to turn her around to rub them. I remember how she screamed when they had to take the IV out. I remember my daughter being so scared and alone in the ICU bed on that first night. I remember saying goodbye to her. I remember walking out of the hospital, leaving her alone there. Exactly as I did when she was a tiny new born in NICU. I remember feeling exactly as guilty.

I remember too much. I can't isolate the hurt and pain, from the happiness and elation. I remember the relief when her symptoms lessened after the operation. I remember the elation when she walked that first time. I remember the stress falling away while walking to the car, my daughter being pushed in the wheelchair. I remember walking into the house with her, 9 days after we left it together. I remember it all. Every emotion. Every feeling. It's too much. Two years down the line, and it's still too much. So yes, I remembered it all this past weekend, on the 2 year anniversary. But it still hurts. I wonder how long will it keep on hurting?

Life as a SAHM with four children

For those that doesn't frequent forums, SAHM means Stay at Home Mom. So yeah, that's what I am. Apparently it's not politically correct in English speaking countries to say "Full time mommy" which is the direct translation of my job in my home tongue "voltydse mamma". Full time mommy apparently implies that someone that might be working, isn't a full time mommy. (Geez, but people are sensitive! But that's a story for another day.) So yeah, I'm a SAHM, as opposed to a Working Mommy, or WAHM meaning Working from Home Mom. I just wondered...if Full time mommy implies a working mommy isn't a full time mommy, does that mean Working Mommy implies that a stay at home mom isn't working?

So, what's life like as a SAHM, you ask? BUSY. But of course, that's not the perception out there. Let me describe what I think most people (including my husband sometimes!) think life's like for a SAHM like me:

9:00    Wake up refreshed to find a happy toddler playing. Baby is still asleep blissfully.
9:15    Eat leisurely breakfast, probably eggs on toast or bacon ommelette. Surf the net or watch tv or read.
10:00  Baby wakes. Give her milk and change her nappy.
10:20  Play with Baby and toddler.
10:45  Give baby breakfast cereal.
11:00  Bath - lay in bath until water gets cold and all stress is gone from the body. Toddler is happily playing with his toys and baby coo's in her cot at her mobile.
11:30  Put baby to sleep. She's so tired, it only takes 5 min.
11:35  Play with toddler.
12:00  Spend some time on a hobby or something like surf the internet, read, watch some tv shows I've taped. Inbetween teach toddler some new concepts through play.
13:00  Get toddler and baby ready and fetch eldest children from school (comes out at 13:30).
13:45  Get back, make all children lunch and put baby to bed. She's obviously very tired again and again only takes a few minutes to fall asleep. :-)
14:30  Watch some tv shows while the kids do their homework quietly with little help needed from me. Toddler quietly plays with his toys.
16:30  Tell the kids to go play outside, give baby milk and while she's playing contendly with her toys, I start dinner in peace and quiet. Uninterrupted.
17:00  Tell kids to take a bath each, helping toddler to wash and dry, tell kids to get their school clothes and books ready and do their house chores, while I pack the dishwasher and finish dinner. They listen and do as they're told each and everytime. Of course, I'm a SAHM so my kids should be well behaved and disciplined, not true?
18:00  Put a delicious, healthy dinner for my family on the table and see how they scoff it all down, even the vegetables.
18:30  Give baby some mashed up dinner to fill any hungry pans left after giving her some of our dinner to eat as fingerfood.
19:00  Bath baby.
19:15  Spend some time with the kids, playing Uno or something.
20:00  Put all 4 kids to bed, read stories, pray, give milk, sort out chronic medications, etc.
20:30  Make hubby his well-deserved cup of coffee and put my feet up, watching some tv shows with him.
23:00  Go to bed relaxed, happy and looking forward to an uninterrupted night of SLEEP.

When, in fact, it rather goes like this......

0:30   Get woken up by hungry baby looking for some milk.
0:40   Put baby down, thanking my lucky stars she only drinks 5-10min at night. Try to fall back asleep, if I can just stop my head racing with all that happened the previous day.
5:00   Get woken up by hungry baby looking for her milk. Listen to the birds sing. Praying it won't keep baby up.
6:45   Get woken up by hubby's alarm. Turn around and try desperately to sleep some more, silently praying it won't wake baby up too.
7:15   Hear the garage door open and (silently again) say goodbye to hubby and the 2 school-going children
7:30   Get woken up by baby, give her milk. Put her back next to me in her cot (open side pushed against my bed). Hold her hand, willing her to sleep just a liiitttllleee bit more.
7:45   Hear toddler wake up and go into sittingroom to watch tv and play on daddy's iPad
8:00   Wake up to alarm and a cooing baby
8:10   Jump into bath, QUICKLY because baby is lying in cot playing with some toys and won't be happy for more than 5 minutes
8:20   Dress baby
8:30   Make breakfast as quickly as possible, call toddler to come and eat. Eat own cereal while shoving cereal into baby's mouth. Realise she's not hungry enough yet.
8:45   Quickly swallow down too hot coffee (or already-gone-cold coffee), throw toddler's school lunch in his bag, check that his jacket is still inside.
8:50   Make sure baby doesn't want some more milk. Brush toddler's teeth and yell at him to quickly get dressed. Yell at intervals of 3 min for him to hurry up and to remember his shoes.
9:00   Put baby in carseat. Make sure toddler has put his car seatbelt on. Pack bags into car. Lock doors. Hurry off to playschool.
9:15  Sit in at playschool, trying to be encouraging for toddler to participate and not be so shy. Catch up with another mommy friend on some much needed adult conversation. Holding (heavy!) baby in arms all the time.
10:00 Greet toddler who's now happy for me to leave him there.
10:20 Give baby cereal again when we get home.
10:40 Give baby milk if she wants. Trying to read what's up on the baby forums I frequent on the internet, while baby feeds.
10:50 Put baby to bed. This means, hold her, rock her, say shhhhh, rock her some more, sing a bit, hold dummy, stop her from arching her back screaming because of reflux, rub arm where her head has hurt it while she arched her back, rock some more, say shhhhh, rock some more, pick the dummy up she threw down, rock some more, give some telement in the hope that she'll suck the dummy, rock some more, sigh in relief when she falls asleep.
11:20 Hold baby for 10 minutes to make sure she goes into a deeper sleep.
11:30 Put baby down with a big sigh of relief. Start cleaning up the sittingroom, grab a much needed glass of cooldrink and a quick snack. Read email and quickly surf the net for all of 10 minutes, posting a few posts on baby forums.
12:00 Baby wakes up. Give milk, change nappy and play with her.
12:30 Pack dishwasher and clean kitchen while baby plays in her pram or sitting in the donut. Hurry, because she won't be happy for too long.
12:45 Drink a 2nd glass of fluid, berating myself for not making time to drink the 2liter I need for breastfeeding. Grab something to eat again. Make baby's lunch. Eat and drink while feeding baby's lunch. Hurry, because we're running late for playschool. Steal 2 minutes to quickly check what's going on at the baby forums I chat in.
13:00 Fetch toddler from his school. Ooing and aahing about what he did at school. Talk a bit to his teacher and any other mommies picking up their toddlers.
13:30 Pick eldest 2 kids up from their school. Berating one for forgetting something, while praising the other for doing well in a test or something. Trying to concentrate on the road with a moaning baby that's tired again, toddler and his sister laughing hysterically at something and Mr N trying to tell me something important.
13:50 Get home, trying to calm a baby who's overtired beyond belief already. Get a quick lunch ready, settle toddler in front of the tv with his lunch (squashing my guilt) and refill his cooldrink. Yell at the older 2 kids to only take a 10 minute break, and then start their homework while I put baby to bed.
14:10 Yell at kids who's still noisy, all the while giving baby her milk and browsing the internet. Multi-tasking rocks!!
14:30 Rock, shhhh, rock, pick up dummy, give more milk, rock, shhh, rock, shhh, sigh in relief.
15:00 Hold baby until she's in deeper sleep. Getting impatient to go and check up on toddler while stuck in room with baby.
15:10 Quietly slips out of room and calling daughter to the sitting room. Have a look at her homework. Trying to help where she struggles, encouraging when she looses hope, listening to her reading passages, quizzing her on tests, etc. In between, grab a sandwich and shove it down with a cup of coffee and making sure toddler is happily playing with his toys.
16:00 Fetch baby that woke up and change nappy. Give toddler a snack and refill cooldrink. Get some much needed cooldrink myself and quickly go to the bathroom.
16:15 Make sure poor toddler is still okay playing with his toys. Encourage daughter some more. Yell a bit because she's getting tired and lazy. Start dinner in between. Yell at eldest because he forgot to do some homework. Yell at toddler because he's kicking a ball inside the house. Continue dinner. Send boys outside to play ball.
17:00 Quizz daughter on some more homework, yell some more, yell at eldest because he forgot to tell me he needs clay and carton for school. Stop rice from burning. Rock baby because she's tired again. See if she wants some milk. Stop meat from burning. Cut some veggies up while talking animatedly with toddler and singing a song to keep baby happy.
17:30 Hurry daughter into and out of bath. Get eldest to go shower as well. Quickly bath toddler. Try to finish dinner. Send kids outside for some much needed fresh air (thank goodness for staying in a hot, dry, sunny part of our country!)
18:00 Finish dinner to a point where I can leave it for 30 minutes. Give baby milk and rock and hold her until she falls asleep. Hold her for 10 more minutes.
18:30 Dish up dinner. Sit and relax for about 10 minutes. Baby wakes up. Fetch her, try to finish eating luke-warm food before it's completely cold. Give baby something to eat while we eat.
19:00 Make baby mashed up dinner and give to her.
19:15 Clean kitchen, yell at daughter to do her chores (making lunch boxes for next day). Get son to make their drinks for next day. Throw a load of washing in the machine.
19:35 Bath baby.
19:50 Play a bit with kids if possible.
20:00 Get chronic medication ready. Make coffee. Put plates out for next morning's breakfast. Refill cooldrink for toddler, giving him his meds, brush his teeth, read story or get daughter to read him story. Pray with each child separately, say goodnight, tuck toddler in. Carry baby everywhere I go, because she's tired and doesn't want to play alone with toys. Can't put her in bed until all the other children are in bed, because their noise would wake her up.
20:30 Give baby her milk. Hold, rock and shhhh baby.
21:00 Hold baby until she's in deeper sleep.
21:10 Drink cold coffee. Clean sittingroom a bit. Make sure all 3 older kids are in bed and asleep (or reading in eldest one's case).
21:30 Sit down in front of tv. Watch a show while surfing the net.
21:50 Baby wakes up. Give her some more milk in the dark. Very boring.
22:00 Sit back down in front of the tv. Try to watch rest of show with hubby.
22:30 Toddler cries for some reason. Check up on him.
22:35 Sit back down in front of tv after getting a much needed cooldrink and snack.
23:00 Go to bed, surf the net or read.
24:00 Baby wakes up, drinks milk and refuses to sleep. Hold, rock, shhh baby.
1:30 Desperate by now, gives baby some more milk and finally she falls asleep.
5:00 Get woken up by hungry baby looking for her milk. Listen to the birds sing. Praying it won't keep baby up.
5:10 Sleep.
6:45 Get woken up by hubby's alarm. Turn around and try to desperately sleep some more, silently praying it won't wake up baby.

And so forth....

Now, add to that the following events in between:

Go to shops to find birthday gifts.
Grocery shopping.
Get milk and bread and fresh fruit.
Go to post office.
Put petrol in car.
Quizz son on exams.
Try and figure out what daughter has to learn for exams.
Do research for eldest's project on the internet.
Get cartons or glue from the shops because daughter needs it for school.
Play ball outside with toddler.
Build puzzles with toddler.
Play monopoly or Uno with older kids.
Clean house.
Vacuum.
Hang up or take clothes down from washing line. Fold washing. Iron.
Make beds, clean bedrooms, tidy toys, clean bathrooms, wash floors.
Answer the phone
Visit friends.
Watch a movie on tv. Watch my favourite soap.
Cook extra bunches of food to mash up for baby, to freeze.
Visit family.
Send emails. Do budget or any other admin like filling in forms or making some phone calls.
Visit dr because I have some issues since the last c-section. Go for a sonar. Take baby for her 6-month check-up at pead.
Sit and wait outside school for kids' afterschool activities to finish.
Teach baby to sit, crawl, talk, walk, eat, laugh, smile, everything.
Wash all 4 kids' hair.
Buy clothes, shoes or a new schoolbag for one of the children.

Etcetera. I'm too tired to even think about all the million other little things I do around the house, for the kids, for baby in particular, for hubby, for friends, and so on. All during the week, so that on weekends, we can relax and spend quality time together as a family.

So ya, that's my day. Hectic, busy, rewarding, wonderful, lively, active, frustrating, exhausting, and so forth. I love it! But I'm done. I honestly can't see where I would've fit a 5th child in. I always wanted 5, but I'm happy that we've done the sterilisation, because I'm at my limit. I don't regret any of my 4, but for me, personally, 4 is my limit. To add a 5th, would've meant cutting down on time spent on the other kids and my hobbies. And I don't think I would've liked that. I'm a bit of a perfectionist. And I find that it's not as easy anymore to be "the perfect mom" with 4 kids. I have to fall in the standard I request of myself, and that frustrates and saddens me. So for me, 4 is enough. I understand that some people would have 8 kids without feeling like I do. Just as I never felt like that after 2 kids, while other people told me how done they are, because it's just so busy and too much, having 2 kids. Every mom has their own limit. I'm so so happy I've reached mine. I would've always felt sad not to have another baby, if I didn't. I also wanted to say with conviction, that I'm done having babies. And now I can. And it makes me so happy. I would've always felt something missing. Now, I'm complete. My family is complete. Life is as busy as I can handle it, and it's lovely. I love every minute of it. I cherish it, because I know how quickly it passes. My oldest is almost a teenager. In little more than 6 years, he'll be leaving home. Way too soon. At least, I have another 18 years left of having at least one at home still. By which time, I'd probably be grateful to grow old in peace and quiet, LOL.