Just ridiculous!

Mr N's been bitten by a spider. Can you believe this? It's been almost a year since Boeboe was bitten for the first time. This time, this dr are sure it's a yellow sac spider. And it looks remarkably similar to Boeboe's of last year, so that confirms my suspicions that it was a yellow sac that bit Boeboe. A mom's instinct, hey?! Shame, Mr N was bitten during the night. He said he woke up around 4am on Saturday morning, from a severe itch on his knee. He scratched it raw and fell asleep again. Then kinda forgot about it, I think. On Sunday evening, more than 36 hours later, he showed it to us (thank goodness) to ask what it was? It looked like a mosquito bite that was scratched raw. It looked very similar to another (real) mosquito bite about 2cm's from it. He's a bit allergic, so all of them gets swollen. Only thing that bothered me a bit, was that it looked more like a fluid-filled blister than a swollen bite. So I asked my husband (who wakes the kids up and take them to school while I sleep in with the baby) to wake me up if he feels the bite looks any worse the next morning before school. Thank goodness he did, because it definitely looked worse. The blister burst open during the night and was oozing. There was a red ring around it, and looked very, very similar to Boeboe's bite. Expect much smaller and less "angry-looking". And he had no pain from it, unlike she did.

Fortunately, I already had an appointment for myself at our very trusted GP, so I took him with me, prepared to exchange my appointment for him. But the GP was kind enough to see both of us. So Mr N is on a/b's. As far as I can remember, the last time he had a/b's, was when he had scarlet fever, age 10 or 11.

The bitemark isn't as spectacular as Boeboe's. Her bite though, was much larger by the time we took her to the dr. I believe it was 2-3 days after being bitten already. So the damage/infection was much bigger already. Also, I killed a big, fat, huge yellow sac spider a few days after she must've been bitten. In my bath. It was the biggest yellow sac I've seen. Yesterday, a day after Mr N was bitten (and earlier the day, before he showed us the bite), I stooped down to throw a table clothe back on the little tablestand that Peanut has pulled off and left on the floor. When I threw it over the table, I noticed a spider running. On instinct, I killed it. Peanut was standing a metre away from me. Once it was dead, I had a look at what it was, and it was clearly a sac spider, with the black jaws. (*shudder*) But, it was a small one. Very young, not sure if it was even fully grown yet. Anyway, if that's the one that bit Mr N, it makes sense that his mark ends up much less awful than Boeboe's. If a smaller spider has less poison than a huge one.

So here's a few pics I took.

Day 3, just before I took him to the dr.

Day 4, after one day of oral and topical antibiotics.

Day 5, third day of taking antibiotics.

Day 6, today, looks so much better. It's almost healed! Amazing, compared to how long Boeboe's took. So that's been the start to our week.

Boeboe has started with the full dose of medication early this week. I have this sliver of hope that there's IS improvement in her behaviour. I just haven't spent enough time watching her, evaluating her, making mental notes. My focus wasn't on her AT ALL. I feel awful to say this, because I know how important it is. I know. And still, I dropped the ball. I just couldn't cope with this past few weeks. So I'm back on the ball, and from tomorrow I will take more notice, again. Now that Monkeyman's tiredness is back to normal (nothing better), since we've stopped the beta blocker. She told me last night:

"Mommy, while I was doing homework today, there came such a peaceful feeling over me. I felt like I AM going to pass this year."

Wow. How amazing is that? So maybe the full dossage is doing it's work!! I asked her some questions, and it seems like she feels calmer and like how the meds are making her feel, and she feels like it's working. So let's hold thumbs!! It does sadden me a bit though, to realise that she's already anxious about passing this year or not. It's only just started!

I had another wow moment. I'm a Christian. I believe in the Power of God. I also believe in the kindness and love that God has for us. Quite a while ago, weeks or months, I can't remember, I had a moment where I panicked a bit. Boeboe asked me something about "the day she learns to drive". And for a moment, I suddenly wondered if she's ever going to be able to drive. Driving is such a complex, multi-tasking effort, that needs instinct, logic and forethought. Things she struggles with so much. It scared me. Both the fact that she might be in an accident one day, but also if she's going to be able to drive at all. In our country, having a license and owning a car is almost mandatory. Our public transport is unreliable, very unsafe and not available everywhere. It makes life immensely difficult for a person who can't drive. After stressing about this for a while, I pushed it to the side and forgot about it. I never spoke to my friend about it.

A few days ago, I had lunch with her, and she told me that she had a dream the previous night about Boeboe. And she has no idea why, but what she took away from the dream, was that she needed to tell me "Boeboe will drive one day". She doesn't know why she had to tell me this, and it made no sense to her. She just felt the need.

Wow.

I thought that really amazing. Goosebumps amazing. And it comforted me! It's a relief, to believe that Boeboe will drive one day.

I'm currently connected to a holter EKG. The dr believes that I have arrhythmia (spelling??). Not sure from what. But hopefully the EKG will catch any episodes if I indeed does have it. I'll probably only get the results next week. I'm not too worried about it. Though, when I heard I need to do the 24hr EKG, I did panick for a moment. My mind jumped to worse case scenarios. What if I have a heart problem? What if they put me on heart medication and I can't stand the side effects like Monkeyman? What if I have to stop breastfeeding Peanut? What if I'm resistant to all meds like my mom was? What if I die like my mom? What happens to my 4 beautiful, dependant children?? Eish, nothing like a mini-panick attack to think the absolute worse, hey?! I calmed down after a day or so, and realise that whatever I have, I've had it for eons. Well, a looooong time. Some of the symptoms definitely comes from my childhood already. So it's not like I'm just going to peg over and die anytime soon, even if it might be my heart causing it. I think I've just had too many things happening recently. I can't keep a normal, balanced outlook currently. My timing to organise this, really sucks. But I got so out of breath from really minimal (and I do mean MINIMAL) effort like climbing a handful of steps, that I decided I need to get this sorted before it gets even worse. Even though it feels awfully wrong to put my son through multiple heartsonars and EKG's and hear medication and worry so much about him having heart issues, and just as things starts to look up with his heart, I go and complain about mine. And goes for tests and things. :-( Almost as if I'm looking for something to be wrong with someone's heart in my family. Just doesn't feel right. Sigh.

Hand, Foot and Mouth Disease

No, not the bovine disease! A related, but human disease caused by the coxsackie (who on earth named a virus that - hahahahaha) virus. Yes, we've become familiar with this disease. After 12 years of having kids, this was our first. Apparently, it mostly hits children 5 and under, and 2nd most, children between 5 and 10. Older children, teens and adults very rarely gets it, and if they do, they get it less severe than babies and small children. Interesting, since most childhood illnesses is worse in adults than in the children!

Peanut got it first. We went to about 4 shops in the days before our long weekend away (we went camping). I'm pretty sure she must've picked it up in that time. Fortunately, she didn't have a severe case. She was a bit miserable, couldn't drink for 3 nights (did drink in the day, fortunately), due to an ulcer on the tip of her tongue, threw up once and had the most awful smelling nappies (still have those, yuck!). And the rash, of course. No fever, strangely.

Boeboe got it about 2 days after Peanut, first complaining about her cheek that hurt (from ulcers). Then the rash on her hands and feet. Just a few spots. No fever. Apart from her mouth being really painful at times, a sore throat at night for 3 nights, and difficulty eating and drinking due to the ulcers, she was absolutely fine.

Then Mr N got it. Three ulcers in the mouth, and a rash all over his arms, hands, feet and legs. The rash didn't turn into blisters like some of Boeboe's did. And it dissapeared in less than 48 hours. No other symptoms. Not even a fever either. And his mouth ulcers wasn't as sensitive as Boeboe's was.

It seems as if Monkeyman has been skipped. No symptoms or signs so far. We'll see how it goes the next week. Both me and their dad had sore throats, and I have a few small mouth ulcers (nothing too painful), and a small patch of rash on my one foot. So I guess everyone got it, except Monkeyman! Clearly, whatever ails him, causing the tiredness, doesn't affect his immune system. Thank God for that.

Here's some piccies of how the rash looked on the kids. As you can see, quite different between individuals. I only realised it was HFMD when Boeboe presented with the ulcers in her mouth together with the blisters on her hands. Peanut refused me having look in her mouth, when I thought her lack of drinking at night and her excessive drooling was due to teething. Only once I knew Boeboe had ulcers, did I notice that Peanut had one on her tongue. Poor poppit.

Peanut's arm and shoulder. A short while after this was
taken, her hand was also full of spots. A few which blistered
later on.

A close up of some of the spots. Using a bit of imagination,
you'll notice that some of them are raised, and most has a
pinprick white head in the middle.

Spots on Mr N's arm

Other arm and hand

Knee

Foot (he worked in the garden during the morning, digging
holes for the new irrigation pipes his dad is putting in, so
excuse the dirtiness! The moment we noticed the spots, we
stopped his working in the garden, and he was so hyped up
about having an excuse to rather play computer games, LOL).

The blisters that formed on Boeboe's hand. She also got them
on her knee and foot, and Peanut got it on her hand. Again,
excuse the muddy hands!

And the very muddy toes! There's a few spots on the one foot
(tiny red pinpricks). But the reason I post this photo, is because
of the abrasions on her other foot. The one on the big toe is
fairly deep. This is typical of what happens to her on a
weekly basis, due to the damage the tethered cord did to the
nerves leading to her feet. It makes her so sad, that she's always
hurting, because of scrapes on the top of her feet. This is
because she drags her foot when the signals of the brain doesn't
reach the foot that it should lift the toes upwards, when stepping
through. It hurts me, seeing things like that on her feet.

Day 30: Lessons learned

I'm sorry, I didn't have time (or made the time) to do this last blog challenge on day 30. So yes, it's the 31st already. Tomorrow, in our country, is the first day of Spring. The children are exceptionally looking forward to it. Clearly, they're tired of winter and being cold and wearing 4 layers over each other. Always putting on socks and shoes, and Boeboe can't wait to wear frilly dresses and skirts again. I'm also looking forward seeing little Peanut in dresses again, especially now that she's walking. Aaawwww. This is why I wanted another little girl. Or at least, one of the reasons. :-)

So about the challenge. I guess the "lessons learned" they talk about, is during the past month, after doing the whole challenge? Well, I learned that it's not impossible to post on the blog (almost) every day! I used to (and will probably continue) to only post once a week or so. I also learned that it's not entirely as bad as I thought, to be talking about myself on here. I can easily relate my feelings, or talk for hours about my children. But listing my "good" points or putting up photo's of myself, or admitting that I have a mole on my cheek for example, those things was very difficult for me. But, I learned that it's do-able, and can serve a purpose. It's good to share. I used to think it's good for the one that shares, to share. It gives them an opportunity to work through some feelings and situations. But, I've now learned (due to other things happening as well), that sharing isn't only about the one that shares. It's also about the one with whom it was shared. The recipient is given the chance to get to know the sharer. The recipient is also given the opportunity to learn, grow, commisserate or understand. The recipient may feel valued, appreciated and important to someone. If we don't share, we take that opportunity away from the recipient.

So I've learned that I should not be so selective with what I want to share (like only discussing the kids, etc.). I have also noticed by reading a number of blogs this month, that I tend to be all doom and gloom. Which is so not me in real life. I think by sharing my worries and negative feelings, I'm able to let them go. Which gives me the opportunity to be the optimistic, happy person that I really am. While other people (with whom I shared), is left with the doom and negativity. Either taking it on, making them feel negative, or by seeing me as an eternally unhappy and negative person. I really am a very happy and light person. I don't have a great sense of humor, I won't be as bold as to claim that, LOL. My husband gets that honor. But I do have an innate positivity in me. Which is why I was able to carry on throughout the whole Boeboe-saga. I never took as much strain as my husband. Probably because I could come onto this blog, and dump all those feelings, so that it doesn't weigh me down. I always knew we'd get there, in the end. Where "there" was, and when we'd get there, were unknowns and scary, but I just knew it would be okay in the end. My faith is very strong in these instances.

So ya, I'll take the lessons I've learned this past month (and years) to heart, and see what changes I can make with the new knowledge I have about myself. I'm proud of having completed this challenge. Because it wasn't easy or natural to me. And at points, it was very difficult to take the 10 minutes to do this. Apart from the challenge, this must've been the busiest month I had ALL YEAR! So as you can imagine, it was challenging. But it was good, and I enjoyed it ALOT. I'm certainly going to join in on other challenges again in the future, or create my own. :-) Thanx for sharing this month with me!

Day 29: What am I looking forward to?

Short term, long term??

For short term, I'd say the weekend. I just want to relax and do NOTHING. The past week we had family staying with us, and I've cooked, cleaned, washed dishes, made coffee, etc. etc. etc. Till I'm ready to drop. And ontop of that it was/is exams, and I'm spending lots of time with Boeboe to get her ready. But that's a whole other post for another time. One day soon, when I have time again.

In the longer term, I'm looking forward putting this whole Monkeyman thing behind us. It's really weighing me down.

I'm also looking forward to all the little milestones we're going to have with Peanut (D.V.). I'm really enjoying seeing how clever our little baby is getting. She's saying so many words, new ones added all the time. When my eldest, Mr N was 14 months, he could only (barely) say 3 almost intelligible words. Peanut says so many, I'm literally unable to count it all. It could be 20, or 50, or even a 100 for all I know, LOL. She picks up new words and sounds very easily. She has also started to walk, so there's loads of new adventures awaiting her (and us), to look forward to.

I'm also looking forward to the summer starting soon. And to the school holidays. And to life just getting easier towards the end of the year. With less afterschool activities, less tests and projects and homework.

And, of course, I'm looking forward to Christmas!! Yes, I know it's barely even September, but like I said, I love Christmas. :-)

In the very very long term, I'm looking forward to my kids all growing up healthy and happy and safely, for them to study something, find a great job, a husband or wife, and to have kids and a wonderful life of their own.

Day 27: Best childhood memory

Oh gosh, this can bring one to tears. I have many, many childhood memories that's competing to be in the first place as "the best". Most of them involve my mom.

I think the one that I misses the most, will be classed as my best. It's not a single memory, but a huge number of similar ones. My mom always went to lie down after lunch during her holidays. Rarely, she'd take a nap. But usually, she would just turn up her heavy classical music, and enjoy it. Sometimes reading.

During the long summer holidays we always went to Waenhuiskrans for 5-6 weeks. It was THE best. Her bed there got afternoon sun, and as you probably know by now, I absolutely adore the sun. So by 3 or 4pm, she would be lying on her bed, looking out of the window, daydreaming. I'd go to her, lie down next to her but on the part of the bed that got sunshine, and we'd just chat and laugh and share. I was able to talk to her about absolutely everything under the sun. Nothing was too embarresing, too personal or too stupid to talk to her about. She rarely told me what to do. But she always had advice, always supported me, and always made sure I knew how proud she was of me.

So those days in the sun, chatting with my mother, is my best childhood memory. As I said, there's loads more, of course, but I won't bore you with them. :-)

Day 26: Favourite Foods

Well, there's a few, but I'm not sure if meals counts as foods? I'm going to assume it's okay. So, my top 10 favourite foods:

1. Fruit, especially watermelon, melon, sharon, grapes, berries, promegranates, citrus, mangoes, prickly pears, etc. I absolutely LOVE fruit.

2. Raw veggies. I don't like veggies much, not cooked. But raw - love it! Not all of it. But carrots, snap peas, avo's, cucumber, lettuce, etc.

3. Chicken curry. Warm, comfort food.

4. Lamb stew. Same, it's warm and comforting.

5. Beef & veggie soup. Cold winter night special.

6. Grilled T-bone beef steak.

7. Bacon. In any way, shape or form.

8. Crisps. Does this count as food? It's made from potatoes or corn, not true? Haha.

9. Biltong and droewors. For those not in South Africa, it's dried, cured strips of beef (or game), and dried pieces of a fattened sausage. Doesn't sound appealing, but it's really, really good, and an all time favourite of most South Africans of my culture.

10. Popcorn. Just plainly salted. Loads of salt, actually.

Day 25: Where am I...

at my happiest?

Easy answer today. At home. Surrounded by my family, or alone, but at home. A close second would be in Waenhuiskrans, in my parent's little beach house. But home is where my heart is. With my belongings around me, my way of doing things. The food I love in the fridge, the coffee I like next to me, the music I like, on the tv/radio.

Day 24 – What’s my favourite time of year and why?

Christmas. Without a second thought. Love it love it love it. Don't care about people's complaints that it's commercialised. Don't care about the hype or the fact that shops put decorations out in October already. Don't care if we spend too much money.

I just love Christmas. It has everything to me. In our country, it's summer. The height of summer, to be exact. It's hot and beautiful weather. It's long school holidays. And I have the most beautiful memories of my time with my mother as I grew up, over Christmases. We always went to Waenhuiskrans, at the coast. Beautiful memories. I wasn't sad much when my dad sold their house. Because to me, my mom's house is the one in Waenhuiskrans. That's where I find her again. I remember exactly where the Christmas tree stood. How it looked. The long walks late afternoon or after dinner. The good meals. The family times.

And most importantly. I'm a Christian, and Christmas is a time for joy. Because we celebrate the birth of our beloved Jesus. I don't care about the origins of where it started or whatever people's opinion on that is. I celebrate the 25th of December as Jesus's birthday. We party for Him. We party with Him. We give gifts to each other, because we can't give something physical to Him, and He loves us being kind and good to each other. We celebrate with family. And we celebrate for 2 days long. We eat like kings. We spoil ourselves. We spoil each other. There's a vibe in the air, everywhere you go. Shops, friends, everywhere. Most of the people in our community/circle, are Christians. We send each other happy sms's. Life is beautiful at Christmas time for us. I make sure that the kids are thoroughly spoiled, at least this one time a year. I save all year long for their gifts. Looking forward to finding each one exactly what they want. And to see their faces lit up. Just absolutely the best day.

Day 23: My most embarrassing moment

OK, I can't believe I'm even posting today's challenge. But here goes.

I've had a number of embarressing moments. But one that still makes me cringe is when I went to the neurologist a couple of years ago. I didn't want to go, I was certain nothing was wrong. But hubby was worried, so I promised him I'll go. It was about skin patches on my hips, stomach, thighs and back that doesn't have feeling anymore. All sensation is lost. I was certain it was due to my 2nd pregnancy, where baby lied from hip to hip. I could feel her pinching my nerves, and permanently damaging it. But ya, it could've just as well been a tumor in my spine, so I went to the neurologist.

Stupidly, I thought of him as a brain doctor, and totally forgot that he'll most likely check the skin out. Well, it's on my upper thighs. And it was winter. And in winter I don't like to shave.

I could've died from embarressment. It was just awful awful awful. My own stupid fault. Never again. The dr itself was obviously not fazed. Very gentlemanly like. And of course, he diagnosed me with exactly what I thought. Nerve damage from pregnancy and nothing to worry about. He did send me for an MRI due to lower back pain, but it was perfectly clear as well.

I still cringe, thinking of that.

Day 22 – My hobbies

I think this one has been covered by some of the previous challenges. I have a few hobbies I love to spend time on, but it's all things that keeps my mind busy. Not my hands. As long as my mind is occupied, and I don't have to do anything with my body, like excersizing, I'm happy. :-)

So basically, I love reading, tv, surfing the net (especially joining in on various forums or researching something) and playing computer games.